Paul watches me as I shove my clothes into my backpack. Randall was supposed to supervise my packing, but he stormed out of our room when he saw Paul was already there. I’m still angry at Randall, but I’m trying to stay calm. I don’t know if this is the last time I’ll see Paul again.
“Did you tell Bishop that we kissed?” Paul asks me.
“No. As far as Bishop is concerned, my feelings for you are one-sided.”
“Then I don’t see why you have to go home now. Why not just spend one more night to say goodbye to your friends?”
“Bishop thinks it’s better that I go home sooner than later. He said it’s like ripping a Band-Aid off a cut.”
That’s only half true. Bishop doesn’t want me to spend another night at the lodge, because he’s worried I’ll turn Paul into a “full-fledged gay.”
“You’re not mad that I decided to stay?” Paul asks.
“Of course not. Are you mad at me for wanting to leave?”
“I’m not mad. But it does sort of feel like you’re abandoning me.”
“I’m not abandoning you. I asked God for a sign and he sent you to come find me,” I try to explain. “This place isn’t for me. This religion isn’t for me. It’s all so black and white. It’s like being a good person means nothing if you’re gay, or if you have sex before marriage.”
“But you just said that you asked God for a sign,” Paul says. “And you got it.”
“God’s not the one I’m having a problem with. It’s the people who claim to be his followers.” I shove the last of my clothes into my bag. “If Camp Revelation has taught me anything, it’s that I can be spiritual without being religious.”
“I wish we hadn’t kissed,” Paul admits.
“What do you mean?”
“It happened so soon after Martin tried to kill himself. I’m still not sure if I was kissing you because I like you or because I was sad.” He puts his hands on his head like he has headache.
There’s a knock on the door and Brian pokes his head into the room. He sees the look of pain on Paul’s face. “Is everything okay? I thought Randall was supposed to be here making sure Adam gets ready to go.”
“He’s off praying somewhere,” I say.
“Are you ready?” Brian asks.
“I just zipped up my bag.”
“I guess this is goodbye,” Paul says. He holds out his hand for me to shake. “It was nice meeting you.”
“It was nice meeting you too,” I tell him. I take his hand in mine. There’s no secret handshake this time. We shake hands the way you do in a job interview.
I follow Brian to the common area where Brad is running a Bible Study. Brad stops talking and everyone looks at me. Then they look away. I wouldn’t be surprised if Bishop arranged this with Brad to remind me I had been kicked out of the flock. It works. I feel lonely and scared. But if I have to turn into Randall to be the Christian my parents want me to be, then I don’t belong in this flock.
Brian jingles his keys as we walk towards his car.
“Wait up! Wait up!”
Brian and I turn around to see Rhonda running with her luggage to catch up with us.
“What do you want?” Brian asks her.
“I’m going home too,” she says. “As soon as Randall told me Bishop was letting you go home, I banged on his door until he let me go too.”
“See the fire you started?” Brian says to me.
“I didn’t start the fire,” I say. “It was already burning when I got here.”
Rhonda and I get in the back of Brian’s car. Rhonda rests her head on my shoulder as we start the long drive back to Squamish. Three hours later, we’re back in the parking lot of the Walmart where the bus picked us up. Brian hands us the plastic bags with our cell phones.
“Oh wait, I almost forgot this,” Brian hands me my Archie Digest.
“I completely forgot about this,” I tell him.
“I hope you don’t mind that I read it.”
“Not at all. I hope you enjoyed it.”
“I did actually,” Brian says. “I’ll pray for you both.”
Three quick car honks sound not far from where we’re standing.
“There’s my aunt!” Rhonda says. She hugs me and gives me a peck on the cheek. “I’ll add you to Snapchat as soon as I get in the car! Promise you’ll accept.”
“I promise.”
Rhonda runs in the direction of her aunt’s car.
“Do you want me to wait until your family gets here?” Brian asks me as we watch Rhonda and her aunt drive away.
“I’ll be fine now that I have my phone.”
“Are you sure? I feel weird just dumping you here.”
“It’s for the better.”
“Here’s my number in case something goes wrong. I don’t mind coming back to get you.”
“I’ll be fine.”
Brian gets back in his car and drives off.
I stand by myself in the parking lot. I turn on my phone for the first time in weeks. Sure enough, Rhonda’s friend request is waiting for me on Snapchat.
A car horn is honked to get my attention. Mike gets out of the front passenger seat.
“It’s so good to see you,” Mike says, hugging me.
“You too!”
“Mom, this is Adam,” he says over his shoulder.
“So nice to meet you, Adam,” she says, waving from behind the steering wheel.
“Thanks for putting me up while I figure out what I’m going to do next,” I tell her.
“I’m glad to help. Let me pop the trunk open for you.”
I throw my duffel back into the trunk. I look up at the mountains I just came from and wonder if Paul is looking down at me.
“Hurry up,” Mike shouts from his window. “I want to get the hell out of here before someone catches us at Walmart.”