Chapter 21

The Framing of Dr Barnes

Friday was sitting quietly in history class, secretly reading a book on criminal profiling under the desk. She was trying to work out whether Princess Ingrid was a sociopath or simply had narcissistic personality disorder, when Ian burst through the door. ‘Friday, you’d better come quickly!’ he said.

‘Wainscott! How dare you interrupt my class,’ said Mr Conti. ‘You’d better have a good reason.’

‘Sorry, sir,’ said Ian. ‘It’s just that Friday’s father is being arrested, and I thought she’d want to know.’

‘Okay, that is a good reason,’ conceded Mr Conti. ‘You may go, Friday, and you too, Melanie – I know there’s no way you’ll stay awake if your friend isn’t here.’

Friday and Melanie hurried after Ian, who led them across the school at a jog.

‘What happened?’ asked Friday.

‘I was walking past Dr Barnes’ physics classroom,’ said Ian, ‘when I heard a commotion. I looked in and saw two policemen dragging your father out into the corridor.’

‘Why did they take him away?’ asked Friday.

‘I don’t know,’ said Ian. ‘Look, there’s the squad car out the front of the administration building!’

Friday started running faster now. She could see her father and hear him.

‘This is an outrage!’ yelled Dr Barnes. ‘It’s the persecution of Galileo all over again.’

‘We haven’t persecuted anyone called Galileo,’ said Sergeant Crowley. He ran the local police station and as such had dealt with many strange happenings at the school, which usually involved Friday.

‘Dr Barnes is referring to a sixteenth-century scientist,’ explained Ian. ‘Galileo was tormented by the Inquisition and sentenced to house arrest for a decade, for making scientific discoveries that challenged church doctrine.’

‘He’s got tickets on himself then, hasn’t he?’ said Sergeant Crowley. He turned to Dr Barnes. ‘Sir, we’re not persecuting you for your scientific discoveries. I doubt we could understand even if you explained them to us. We’re persecuting you because you’ve been found to have a large amount of stolen property hidden in your car. You’re going to jail for petty theft, not for challenging anyone’s fundamental belief system.’

‘He should get an extra six months for giving me an ulcer,’ said the Headmaster.

‘Headmaster, I’m surprised at you,’ said Friday, as she came to a panting halt. ‘It has been scientifically proven that stomach ulcers are caused by bacteria not stress, and besides, if my father has contributed to your stress you’ve only got yourself to blame for hiring him.’

‘You told me to hire him!’ protested the Headmaster.

‘I’m twelve years old, what are you doing taking advice from me?’ asked Friday. ‘And what’s this tosh about my father stealing things?!’

‘He’s The Pimpernel!’ said the Vice Principal, a gleam of bloodlust in his eyes. He enjoyed getting people fired. ‘His car is crammed full of stolen property. He hid the car under a willow tree so the branches would hide his stash, but I saw what he was up to and called the police right away.’

‘And you let him do this?’ Friday demanded of the Headmaster. ‘You didn’t have to involve the police.’

‘My watch was one of the stolen items in the car,’ said the Headmaster.

‘But you can’t believe that Dad took it all!’ said Friday. ‘Sergeant Crowley, please, you must see that my father is far too silly to be such a competent thief.’

‘I’m not going to conduct an interview with you standing on the driveway of a school,’ said Sergeant Crowley. ‘If you’d like to make yourself available for a formal interview, then you may come down to the station.’

‘But I’m twelve, I can’t drive!’ argued Friday.

‘That’s not my problem,’ said Sergeant Crowley.

‘Friday, stay away,’ urged Dr Barnes. ‘The local police are in league with the Nobel Prize Committee. It’s a perfect storm of vengeful forces. I think your mother put them up to this.’

Sergeant Crowley shut the car door on Dr Barnes before he could make any more wild allegations.

‘I suggest you contact a lawyer,’ Sergeant Crowley said to Friday. ‘That’s the type of help he needs now.’

Sergeant Crowley got in the squad car and drove off. Dr Barnes turned and yelled something wildly to Friday, but she couldn’t hear what he had said through the glass.

‘Do you think your father has gone senile?’ asked Ian.

‘It’s definitely a possibility,’ said Friday.

‘I realise I haven’t got the firmest grasp on reality,’ said Melanie, ‘but that stuff about the local police being in league with the Nobel Prize Committee seemed pretty nutty to me.’

‘I agree,’ said Friday. ‘The Nobel Prize Committee is comprised of some of the finest minds in Europe, so I doubt they’d be seeking out Sergeant Crowley for help.’

‘Poor Sergeant Crowley. He so dislikes being forced to do work,’ said Melanie.

‘Who do we know who’s a lawyer?’ asked Friday.

‘Half the student body have parents who are lawyers,’ said Melanie. ‘But I think most of them specialise in the type of law to do with not paying tax, not the type of law for getting esteemed scientists off theft charges.’

‘And we don’t have any money,’ said Friday. ‘So we need a lawyer who owes us a favour.’

‘I know someone,’ said Ian.

‘You do?’ said Friday.

‘My mum,’ said Ian.