Eight

James

 

It was almost dark when I pulled up outside the house after visiting with Mum. Me, my dad, and my younger sister, Shanise, had finally convinced her to go see her GP in the morning. It was a relief because she’d been complaining of headaches but refused to believe it was anything serious. At least now, the doctor could examine her and determine the cause.

I was feeling pretty stressed about the whole thing to be honest.

Mum was both my rock and my soft place to fall. I needed her to be okay.

When I stepped inside the house, it was quiet. I took a quick look around to check the progress and noticed one or two of Michaela’s things. Her silk scarf and long winter coat hung over the banister at the bottom of the stairs. I smiled to myself for no apparent reason, then headed upstairs to see if she was about. Her bedroom door was open, but the room was empty. I stepped just over the threshold, again feeling a sense of contentment to see her things here. Maybe it just felt nice that after being empty for months, someone was finally bringing a bit of life to the place.

Some people brought chaos to the rooms they inhabited, but Michaela brought a strange, orderly sort of peace. I could smell a faint hint of her orange-blossom-scented perfume and felt a weird tightening in my chest.

There was a stack of books by the futon, her suitcase open with tidy sections of folded clothes. Then I noticed some underwear peeking out, a lacy pair snagging my attention. Christ, James, get it together! To distract myself, I averted my gaze to the spines of the books she was reading; Seven Ages of Paris, The Hidden Life of Trees, Talking to Strangers. No one could say her interests weren’t varied. I checked out the renovations chart she’d made on the wall, impressed by how she’d managed to transform the endless list of tasks into a coherent, easy to absorb plan.

“Oh!” came a startled voice, drawing my attention. I turned to find Michaela standing in the doorway wrapped in a towel. And I thought her underwear was distracting…Her long, wet hair hung around her shoulders, her cheeks pink.

“Shit, sorry. I was just, uh…reading your chart,” I said, flustered and tongue-tied.

“Were you looking for me?” she asked, blinking up at me. Her arresting brown eyes were so open and sweet. Their effect on me was unexpected, like a gut punch.

I tried my best to keep my eyes firmly on her face. “Yes, I was. I just came to check on things, see how you’re settling in,” I replied, a frog in my throat. God, this was awkward.

She moved past me, stepping into the room. “I’m settling in fine.”

“Are you hungry?” I blurted. “I was thinking of ordering some food.”

“Oh, um, yes, I could eat. I’m just going to…uh, get dressed and then I’ll be right with you.”

I felt like bashing my head against the wall. What the hell was I doing still standing there?

“Right, yes, you get dressed. I’ll order the food. Do you like Thai?”

Her smile widened. “I love it.”

“Fantastic. Great. Okay, I’ll leave you now. Sorry again for surprising you.”

Michaela chuckled softly. “No need to apologise. This is your house, James.”

I nodded, not responding. Yes, this was my house, but technically this was Michaela’s private room, even if it was only temporary. I shouldn’t have been in here, but something had captured my curiosity, drawing me into her room without fully considering how it might come across.

Down in the kitchen, I ordered the food and did my best to set things up with what little was available. Two stools and a small foldout table. I’d gotten them so that the workmen could have somewhere to sit and take a break. I would’ve bought some proper furniture, but I knew better. Diana would want to pick out all that stuff herself.

I was still waiting for Michaela to come downstairs when my phone rang, my sister’s name on the screen.

“Shanise, hey,” I answered and was immediately met with sobs. My entire body stiffened. “Shanise? What’s wrong? What happened?”

“J-James, it’s Mum,” she said, her voice breaking. My throat started to close. No, no, no. “She had a stroke.”

All of a sudden my entire body felt too heavy, like I was being pulled down by some magnetic force.

“Where is she now? Did you call an ambulance? Are you at the hospital?”

James.” The way she said my name told me everything I didn’t want to know.

“Mum’s gone, James,” Shanice whispered, and tears streamed all down my face.

I slid to the floor, my stomach hollow as my heart tried to crawl right out of my chest. I knew something bad was wrong with Mum. I sensed it in my bones, but she kept insisting she was fine, that her headaches were nothing serious. Why had I let her convince me? Guilt and regret and grief swarmed within me. I didn’t want to feel any of this.

How could she be gone? It didn’t make sense. I was with her less than two hours ago.

“Shan…I can’t.”

“Come to the house, please,” she said, her voice full of tears, just like mine.

I dropped my phone to the floor and put my head in my hands. This isn’t happening. Mum was only fifty-six years old. She and dad were the constants in my life. I didn’t feel like I could be me without her. I’d been with her today, hugged her, did my best to convince her to see a doctor. I had no idea that she’d be gone before the morning.

It didn’t feel real. I felt like I was dreaming. No, having a nightmare.

I was still crying when I heard footsteps pad into the room.

“James? What’s wrong?” Michaela lowered herself to sit beside me. She sounded completely shocked to find me on the kitchen floor in tears. “Are you okay?”

I didn’t have it in me to explain. She was warm and soft and I needed to feel close to someone. She let out a surprised squeak when I pulled her into my arms and buried my face in her neck. Everything about her was so incredibly comforting. She was everything I needed in that moment and my emotions were too fraught for me to properly make sense of what I was doing.

All I knew was that I didn’t want to let her go.