Eleven
Five months ago
The car spun and I squeezed my eyes shut.
What was I thinking?
Why had I agreed to this?
Oh right, because when James smiled at me with his deep, soulful, handsome brown eyes, I lost the ability to think straight.
He had an incredible smile.
The best.
But if coveting another man’s wife was a sin, then so too was fancying another woman’s fiancé. Therefore, my attraction would never be permitted to leave the confines of my own head.
“Isn’t this exciting!” Isaac’s cousin Thato exclaimed from the front seat of the car.
Isaac had invited everyone to come visit the township where he grew up here in Johannesburg, and his cousin had brought us to see a spinning contest. Spinning being a popular local sport where drivers spun their car in rapid circles across a dirt track, and yes, it was just as scary as it sounded. Thato had suggested James and I sit in the back while his friend, Nandi, drove, which was why I was currently slightly worried for our safety.
Okay, more like terrified. I was the sort of person who got anxious when people went a smidge over the speed limit, so this was way beyond my comfort level. It was ironic that I’d found a job working for a bunch of adrenaline junkies. My own version of taking a risk was buying a discounted sandwich that was almost past its sell-by date.
The car skidded abruptly and without thinking, I grabbed James’ arm to steady myself, pretty sure I was cutting off his blood supply. Unlucky for him, he was the closest solid thing I could latch onto.
“Sorry,” I said past the noise of the engine and the cheering crowd. “I’m freaking out a little.” I tried my best not to hyperventilate.
James’ deep chuckle sent a flutter through me. “Yeah, the bruises you’re leaving on my arm can attest to that.”
“Oh!” I exclaimed, embarrassed and just about to let go when he patted my hand.
“It’s fine,” he said, voice reassuring. “Hold onto me if you need to.”
Hold onto me if you need to.
Why did my foolish heart wish he meant those words romantically? I swallowed tightly, pushing the silly, fanciful notion out of my head.
I only opened my eyes and let go of James when the car finally stopped moving. Smoke rose from the engine and James pushed the door open on his side.
“You okay?” he asked as he climbed out.
I sat there for a second, feeling dizzy, then forced myself to climb out too. Wobbly and disorientated, I fell right into him. James reached out to steady me, his hands warm and firm on my upper arms. I flushed then looked up into his eyes. His tender expression was so open, so caring. He was trusting and kind, and he definitely had no clue of the secret crush I harboured. Good. If I had my way, he’d never find out.
I was still standing close to him when a scuffle broke out nearby. It looked like a gang of people had gotten into a fight. What on earth?
James placed his hand to my back and hurried me away from the fighting. I didn’t have time to think about the danger because I was too focused on how warm his palm was against me, though I was sure he didn’t feel any of the intensity that I did. That was the trouble with one-sided attraction.
“Can you see the others anywhere?” I asked as he continued to lead me away.
“No, but I’ll try to call them once we get clear of this crowd.”
We were surrounded by people, all of whom had the same idea to leave when they saw the fight break out. James’ hand left my back as he went to stand out of the way of the crowd. He pulled his phone from his pocket and sighed.
“I have no signal. How about you?”
I checked my phone, but I didn’t have one either. I glanced at James and held up the screen for him to see. He wore a loose button-down shirt, dark sweat patches under his arms from being out all day in the Johannesburg heat. He ran a hand over his close-cropped hair and appeared to be thinking.
“Right, we’ll keep walking until we can find a café or a diner or somewhere with Wi-Fi.”
“Okay, good plan.” I nodded, walking alongside him. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hoped he’d put his hand on my back again. I was aware that since I moved to London, I hadn’t been given a single hug. Back home, Mum and Dad hugged me daily. I took human touch for granted. Now I was going cold turkey and that was probably why my body freaked out over James’ hand innocently touching my back.
We walked in quiet for a few minutes when I heard a loud wolf whistle. I turned and there were two men standing outside a house smoking cigarettes. My stomach tightened when I saw how they eyed me, calling out, “Are you American? English? Want to come over here? We’ll show you a good time.”
I winced. Did we so obviously stand out as foreigners? Maybe it was the way we were dressed, or maybe they’d heard us talking. One of them looked me up and down like I was naked instead of wearing a very conservative calf-length skirt and blouse, my hair tied up. Nerves tightened my throat as I looked to James, who came to stand next to me. Without a word, he took my hand in his, his palm that had warmed my back now warming my bare skin. Shooting stars and fireworks went off inside my chest. The feel of his palm on mine was disconcertingly exhilarating. For a second, time stood still. I grew hot all over.
James stared the two men down, his voice steely when he said, “She’s with me.”
Confidently, he turned us and continued walking. “Don’t look back,” he muttered under his breath.
I was convinced they were going to follow us, but when we finally got far enough away, we turned around and they were nowhere to be seen. Relief flooded me. I was so glad that James was with me. I was also taken aback that he’d stood up to those men for me. He had no idea how they might’ve reacted. What if they’d decided to attack him?
I let go of James’ hand, even though a part of me didn’t want to and stepped away. “Thank you for that,” I said, hoping he could hear how grateful I was.
He appeared a little awkward, his jaw tensing. “It was nothing.” I watched as he checked his phone again.
“Still no signal?”
“No, but it looks like there are a few businesses up ahead. Come on.”
There was a small shop and a diner. We went inside the diner, but unfortunately, they didn’t have Wi-Fi. We’d been walking for thirty minutes, and my ballet flats had started to dig into the backs of my ankles. I lifted one foot, sliding my fingers into my shoe to feel for blisters.
James’ eyes softened. “Why don’t you go sit down? I’ll order us something to eat.”
I nodded silently and went to find a seat, butterflies filling my stomach. Why did kindness from James always feel like so much more than kindness from other people? My crush on him seemed to turn every tiny gesture into something far bigger and meaningful than it actually was.
A few minutes later, James appeared with two toasted cheese sandwiches, fries, and some soft drinks.
He gave a sheepish smile. “It was either this or a kebab. I went with the safer option.”
“Oh, thanks so much. Here, let me give you some money,” I said.
He waved me away. “I’ve got this.”
He sat across from me, and I picked up one half of my sandwich and took a bite. It was surprisingly good. The radio played low as we ate. I wondered if James found it awkward that I wasn’t talking, but when I glanced at him, his attention was on his phone.
“Is your phone working now?” I questioned.
“What? Oh, no. Still nothing. I was actually just looking at some pictures of my new house. Do you want to see?”
My eyes widened. “You and Diana bought a house? That’s great,” I said, mustering enthusiasm I didn’t feel as he handed me the phone.
James cleared his throat. “Technically, I bought it, since Diana doesn’t know yet. It’s a surprise.”
My jaw dropped. “Wow, that’s some surprise.”
James smiled. “I know. I can’t wait to tell her.”
I brought my attention to the pictures. The first one showed a quaint red brick townhouse with a cute red door. At first impression, it didn’t strike me as the sort of place Diana would go for, but then again, I hardly knew her. I flicked to the next picture and it showed a hallway that had fallen into disrepair. There was patterned wallpaper that was peeling at the edges, not to mention watermarks on the ceiling.
“It’s a fixer-upper,” James explained. “My plan is to completely gut the place over the next few months. Then once the inside has been modernised, I’ll let Diana choose the interiors.”
I swiped through the last of the pictures then handed him back the phone. “That’ll be a treat for her. She’s an interior designer, right?”
“Yep. I’m giving her a completely blank canvas to put her mark on.”
“She’s going to be over the moon,” I said.
I thought of Diana, with her stylish, razor-sharp bob and expensive wardrobe. I’d only met her a couple of times, but she was so confident, so sure of herself, not to mention beautiful. It was no wonder James had fallen for her.
A few moments of silence elapsed before James cleared his throat. “I hope you didn’t mind me taking your hand back there,” he said, and I blinked.
“Um, no, it was fine.” I chewed my lip. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you weren’t with me. Those men didn’t look too friendly. Well, actually, they did look friendly, but the wrong kind of friendly.” Great, I was rambling.
“They were definitely the wrong kind of friendly,” James agreed. “I can’t understand the mindset of some men and why they think it’s okay to catcall women on the street.”
His statement reminded me of something Dad would say. As if I needed another reason to feel weird about fancying an engaged man.
“What’s that look about?” James asked, a curious tilt to his mouth.
I took another bite of my sandwich. “It’s nothing.”
“Well, now I know it’s something. Come on, tell me.”
I exhaled a small breath and met his gaze, flushing slightly. “This is going to sound odd, but you remind me a little of my dad sometimes.”
At this, James barked a laugh. “Is that a roundabout way of calling me old?”
I shook my head profusely. “No, not at all. I meant it in the sense that you say the sort of things my dad does. He’s a vicar.”
James laughed again. “It gets better.”
“No, seriously, I love my dad,” I said, then realised how that sounded before trying to backtrack. “I just mean, my dad’s a great person. When I said you reminded me of him, I meant it as a compliment.”
James glanced at the table a moment before his gaze flicked to me. “So, you’re not in love with me then?”
I lost the ability to speak, my chest thrumming as I blinked rapidly. My mouth went dry, and I just stared at him, completely flustered. Had he really just asked that? James held my gaze for a prolonged moment, his expression serious before he broke into a wide smile. “I’m playing with you, Michaela.”
Just like that, I exhaled, letting out a nervous laugh. “Clearly. I knew that.”
A minute went by before he spoke again. “So, what was it like growing up the daughter of a vicar?”
“It was great. I grew up in a small village, so it was an uneventful but happy childhood for me.” A pause as I amended. “Mostly.”
“Do you have any brothers or sisters?”
“Two brothers, but they’re both a lot older. Mum and Dad adopted me when I was four.”
James’ eyebrows jumped. “Really? Do you know your birth parents?” When I didn’t respond right away, he went on. “Sorry. I’m being nosy. You don’t need to answer that.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine. It’s just not something I talk about a lot. And no, I don’t know my birth parents. They died in a car accident when I was two. I was living in care before my parents adopted me, though I can’t remember much of that time since I was so young.”
“It takes a lot of selflessness to adopt. We need more people like them in the world,” said James.
I nodded. I was definitely lucky to have such amazing parents. “Yes, we do.”
He held my gaze, smiling back at me, and I felt a little breathless for a second. My chest heated and I rubbed my sternum. Um, what had we been talking about again? A heavy brick sank in my gut at the idea that I might like James a little more than I thought, and that perhaps it wouldn’t be something that would pass with time like I hoped.
Seeing him get married and ride off into the sunset with Diana was going to hurt, wasn’t it?
Suddenly, my phone started vibrating like crazy in my handbag. James’ phone dinged loudly, his signal coming back as well. I found a bunch of calls and texts from Leanne. She’d been worried sick wondering where we’d gotten to. I quickly replied to her texts to let her know all was well. She wrote back with the address of a bar she and Callum were currently camped out in.
“Leanne and Callum are at a bar close by.”
James nodded and we finished up our sandwiches before heading out. He went to the edge of the path and flagged down a passing taxi. As I climbed into the back, I was overly aware of him climbing in behind me. We sat with at least a foot or two between us, and yet, his closeness affected me. It made my skin feel hot, my heart all achy. Maybe I was just feeling overly grateful for him pretending to be my boyfriend when those men shouted at me.
Life would be pretty rosy with a boyfriend like James Khan, I mused wistfully before pushing away the thought.
His attention was on his phone as he replied to all the messages he’d missed over the last hour. Had we only been alone together for an hour? Somehow it felt like so much longer. Without thinking, I reached out and placed my hand on his forearm. Aaaah! What was I doing? Stop it. Stop it now.
James’ attention left his phone, his eyes rising to meet mine, questioning.
“James, I…” My words faltered as I swallowed. What the hell had I meant to say?
“Michaela?” he asked, eyes searching.
My pulse pounded in my ears as I came back to my senses. “I’m glad you were with me tonight when that fight broke out. Thank you for getting me out of there.”
I watched as his lips pressed together, his eyes still on mine. Finally, he spoke. “I’m glad, too.”
I gave a stiff, awkward nod and turned my attention to the window. Why did I have to feel this way about him? It made no sense. I’d never been someone who engaged in risky behaviour. I followed rules, stuck to a set of principles, and knew the difference between right and wrong.
This crush of mine was a silent avalanche I was completely unprepared for, but come hell or high water, I’d keep it inside. Even if it meant that someday, somewhere, I might spontaneously implode.