Eighteen
The airline lost our luggage.
James, Paul, and I stood beside the baggage carousel at JFK, slowly losing hope that our bags would show up. Paul had travelled light, bringing only a carry-on suitcase, which was smart. James and I, however, had checked ours and now it seemed they’d disappeared into the great blue yonder. Or wherever our airline managed to misplace them.
When we finally gave up and went over to the baggage desk, we were informed that our suitcases had been put on the wrong flight and would be forwarded to our Manhattan hotel in the next day or two.
“We’ll have time to go and buy some clothes to tide us over,” James said.
“Maybe we could go to Macy’s in Herald Square?” I suggested tentatively. It was one of the most famous department stores in the world, especially at Christmastime.
“Sounds like we have a Miracle on 34th Street fan with us,” Paul teased.
“They decorate all the display windows for Christmas too.” I’d never been to New York and I was excited to take in as many of the sights as I could while I was here. We were staying near Central Park so that was a given, and I wanted to see the Empire State Building, the Brooklyn Bridge, and perhaps even visit the Met if I had enough time.
“Macy’s please,” James instructed our taxi driver after we dropped Paul at our hotel.
As we made our way slowly down the traffic on Fifth Avenue, I stared out the window, catching a quick glimpse of the huge Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center, and marvelling at all the tall buildings going by.
And yes, okay, maybe I was trying to distract myself from the fact that I’d be spending several days with James here. Ever since Diana showed up at the house, we hadn’t really spoken much. We interacted lots on Greenforest, sure, but it wasn’t the same as talking in person. I also couldn’t stop thinking about what Diana had said about me, how she’d noticed my crush, and how she suspected James had a crush on me, too. I even had brief moments where I considered what it would be like (in an imaginary world, of course) if James said yes to her offer.
If I could never truly be with him, would I be willing to accept a few weeks or months of sex instead? Would that be better than nothing? My stomach twisted, but at the same time, there was a part of me that would do anything just to have a small piece of him.
And this was Christmas in New York. It was the US equivalent to Springtime in Paris.
I felt the heat rise in my cheeks at the thought of us strolling hand-in-hand down the busy sidewalks. When the taxi stopped, I was glad we climbed out into a blast of chilly air, hoping that explained my pink cheeks.
“Okay, M. Let’s see those display windows,” James said.
We strolled by the front of the department store. All of the windows were framed by twinkling gold lights, each one displaying a magical, festive scene. I felt like I was in a movie, like Home Alone 2 or Elf. This was a place so alive in my imagination through culture and art that I felt like I’d been here a thousand times even though I’d never once stepped foot in the city.
“All right,” James admitted. “London puts on a good show at Christmas, but this place just about trumps it.”
“It’s so cool,” I said, grinning as we made our way inside the store.
“I think the best course of action for us is to split up. If you want to go grab some things, I’ll meet you back here in an hour,” James said.
“Okay, sounds good,” I replied, looking all about as I tried to spot the women’s clothing section.
“Get whatever you need, and make sure to use the business credit card the show issued you,” he instructed.
“Oh, no I couldn’t—”
“This is a business trip, Michaela, and you need clothes to do business. Use the card. I won’t have you out of pocket just because the airline managed to lose our bags.”
Well, I couldn’t really argue with that. We parted ways and I found the right departments, looking for cheaper options and stuff on sale. I grabbed two blouses, a cardigan, leggings, and some pyjamas, bringing them all up to the counter to pay. Later, we’d have to make another stop at a pharmacy to buy toothpaste and a toothbrush at least. I figured there would be shampoo and other toiletries at the hotel.
By the time I got everything, I was late to meet back up with James, so I hurried to the door we’d agreed to meet at. He was waiting with two bags over his arm. It was just as I reached him that I remembered I’d forgotten to buy underwear. It was okay though. I could just wash what I was already wearing until our bags finally showed up, right?
“Did you get everything you need?” James asked, eyes running over me.
“Yes, mostly,” I replied, stepping up next to him.
His hand settled on my arm. “You forgot something?”
“It’s fine,” I said, waving him away.
Without another word, he placed his hand to the small of my back and ushered me back inside.
“It’s really not a problem,” I insisted.
“Lead the way,” James said, standing firm. “We’re not in any rush. The store’s open late for Christmas shopping.”
“Okay, then,” I squeaked and tried not to be too embarrassed as I checked for the right floor.
He followed me up the escalators to the sixth floor, past the hosiery and socks. I sensed him still as soon as he saw the displays of lacey undergarments. This had to be one of the most awkward moments of my life.
I scanned the display, about to grab the first cut-price multi-pack in my size when my gaze landed on a rack of pretty, lacy underwear. Normally, I only bought the fancy stuff as a treat for myself on special occasions, but I hadn’t gotten new ones in ages.
I grew self-conscious when I sensed James watching. A part of me didn’t want him to think I wore plain, discount underwear. I wanted him to think I wore fancy, feminine ones. Sexy ones.
I tried to fight the urge, but something came over me. I bypassed the discount display and approached the rack that had caught my eye. I plucked out a pair of knickers in my size and a matching bra.
Hmm, I’ll probably need at least two changes of underwear, especially if it takes more than a day for our luggage to arrive, I thought to myself.
Chancing a quick peek at James, he stood a few feet away, his attention resolutely on his phone. He must’ve sensed me looking because his eyes flicked to mine for a brief second before they went back to his phone again. Was it just me, or did he look slightly embarrassed?
I turned my attention back to my quest for underwear and found the prettiest pair in cream silk. Flicking through the rack, I frowned when I couldn’t find my size.
“Everything okay?” James asked. He still stood a few feet away, but his phone had been returned to his pocket and all his attention was on me now.
I bit my lip, lowering my gaze as my cheeks reddened. “I’m just trying to find my size.”
I felt rather than saw him approach, his heat at my back. He reached across me – his long arms allowing him to reach much further than I could – then plucked a pair from the rack. He handed them to me silently and my cheeks grew even hotter. They were exactly my size.
The idea of him paying the kind of close attention to my body it would require to know my exact size had my stomach doing somersaults.
This same thought suddenly seemed to occur to him as his eyes widened in realisation.
“Sorry. I…” he trailed off. His jaw tightened, his eyes growing intense in a way I hadn’t seen before. It made my pulse pound, and my palms grow sweaty.
“Why are you sorry?” I questioned.
His eyes came back to me, and I saw in his expression he worried he might’ve just made me uncomfortable, which certainly wasn’t the case. I was more flattered and a little aroused, but he didn’t need to know that. I reached out to briefly touch his hand, trying to show him with my eyes that he had no reason to apologise. His gaze darkened and a little thrill went through me. I felt an electricity between us as he opened his mouth, like he was about to say something, but then a store clerk interrupted.
“Can I help you with anything?” the girl asked, completely oblivious to whatever had been transpiring between James and me.
He stepped back, clearing his throat. “I’ll let you finish up,” James said, his voice low and gravelly. He turned away, looking around. I told the girl that I didn’t need help, I’d found everything I was looking for, then went to the counter to pay. I was still feeling the aftereffects of the weird moment James and I just shared as I handed over the credit card. When I returned to him, his attention was on my shoes.
“You’re going to need more comfortable footwear,” he said. “We’ll be doing a lot of walking tomorrow.”
Something in me felt disappointed at his very practical change of subject. A naughty part of me wished for him to continue picking out underwear for me in the correct size. I wondered if he’d get my bra size right too. Okay, I definitely needed to redirect that thought.
I glanced down at my patent black ballet flats. “These should be okay. They’re comfortable.”
“They’ll cut into your feet,” James said. “You need something hardier, like boots. It’s likely to rain and it might even snow while we’re here.”
Well, when he put it like that. I didn’t want to be walking in snow in ballet flats. He led me to a store that sold all kinds of footwear, bringing me to the boots section. I noticed his eyes kept wandering back to my ballet flats.
“Okay, out with it. Why do you keep looking at my shoes?”
His lips twitched as though in amusement. “Sorry, it’s just my mum used to have this thing about patent leather shoes.”
I eyed him curiously. “What sort of thing?”
“It’s nothing. Never mind.”
“No, tell me,” I insisted.
James exhaled a breath, bringing his handsome eyes to mine. “She used to tell my sisters never to wear black patent shoes with a skirt or a dress because men could see their underwear in the reflection of their shoes.”
Unbidden, I burst out laughing, my hand going to my mouth. “That’s hilarious.” A pause as I thought about it. “But also true.” And now I was thinking about underwear again. Was James thinking about it too? God, my thoughts were a law unto themselves today. Maybe the flight fried my brain.
James smiled. “She had lots of crazy little rules like that. I miss her.”
“She sounds like she was an interesting woman,” I said, eyeing a pair of brown leather ankle boots. I picked them up, thinking they’d do all right, and went to ask a sales assistant if they could get them in my size. A few minutes later we left the mall and found a taxi to bring us to the hotel.
The journey was quiet until a few minutes in I received a text from Louis.
Louis: I hope you have a good time in New York! You’ll be missed at the concert. x
I didn’t realise James had peeked at the message until he asked, “Did you have to cancel your date?”
“Oh, yeah,” I replied, frowning as I slotted my phone back in my bag. “It’s fine though. We can always do something when I get back.”
James nodded, falling quiet a moment, his attention out the window when he replied, “We should go out tomorrow night, you, me and Paul.”
“Isn’t this supposed to be a work trip?” I questioned with a small smile.
“I’m sure one night out won’t cost us our jobs,” he shot back, returning my smile.
At the hotel our rooms were right next to each other. This shouldn’t have made me feel weird since we’d spent the last two weeks sleeping under the same roof, but there was something different about being in a hotel, in a city far away from home.
I decided to get an early night since we had a busy few days ahead of us. The hotel bed was comfortable, and I slept surprisingly well, but I woke up at 4 am New York time, my body clock still in the UK. Figuring I might as well get to work, I showered and dressed in the new clothes I’d bought yesterday, feeling particularly aware when I slid on the underwear. I remembered James plucking it off the rack and casually handing it to me. Then, the moment we shared after, where I felt like he might drag me into an empty changing room and kiss me senseless.
Hey, a girl had to have her fantasies.
Once dressed, I called down to the front desk to check if our bags had shown up yet (they hadn’t.) Next, I spent some time working on my laptop before I sent messages to James and Paul, asking if they’d like me to order their breakfasts (a resounding yes.) Once all that was taken care of, I took my laptop down to the lobby, where I grabbed some coffee and a pastry, then got to work mapping out our route for the day. I wanted to make things as seamless as possible so that James and Paul could focus on ideas for the next season instead of worrying about how they were going to get from one place to the next.
It turned out a combination of walking, taxis and the subway was our best bet for getting about. A little while later, James and Paul joined me in the lobby. Since our hotel was so close to Central Park, we only had to walk across the street. Our main point of interest was Belvedere Castle, an architectural gem that featured a mix of Gothic and Romanesque design styles. After visiting the observation deck and taking in the amazing view of the city, we took a walk around the outside.
“I like the look of this rocky outcrop,” Paul said as he bent over the edge of the castle walls. He was so far over he was practically dangling in mid-air. Normally, I would’ve gotten a jolt of fear that he’d fall over, but I was slowly getting used to the fact that my bosses could do things with their bodies that the average person couldn’t.
James scaled the wall in a single, lithe jump, and like always, butterflies invaded my stomach. Never mind how attracted I was to him as a person, when James did parkour, he might as well be a God. I couldn’t fathom how many hours of practice it would take to become so skilled, so sure of your own body and confident in every jump and leap.
I watched his tall frame as he stood atop the wall, looking down and rubbing his chin thoughtfully. He glanced at Paul. “Should we try to climb down from here?”
Any normal person would’ve responded with a hell no, but Paul replied with a casual, “Sure, it looks doable.”
“Um, what about the pond at the bottom?” I questioned. I felt like I needed to be the voice of reason.
James shot me a teasing grin. “Don’t worry, M. We won’t fall in.”
I shook my head, trying to glare and failing, a grin of my own breaking through. I looked over my shoulder to make sure there were no security guards hanging around as James and Paul began to scale down the rocky terrain below the castle, my heart in my throat even though deep down I knew they’d be okay. I’d watched them do far scarier stunts than this.
Several tourists gathered around to watch, a number of them filming on their phones. Running on Air would likely be trending on social media in a few minutes. Normally, I might’ve filmed their climb and posted it to the official accounts myself, but sometimes other people did the promotional work for you.
“We’ll meet you at the front,” James called up to me, his hands around his mouth, before he and Paul disappeared behind the trees that surrounded one side of the building.
I hurried out, impressed when they were already there waiting for me.
“You guys have to film an episode here. The tourists were completely awestruck watching you climb down.”
“If we do, we’ll have to go one better and climb to the top of the observation tower from the outside,” Paul said, seeming excited about the prospect.
“Show off,” James teased with a smile.
Once we finished up in the park, we made our way to the Guggenheim museum. The building was a striking, modern design and Paul was particularly interested in figuring out the logistics of filming both inside and outside the museum. After that, we walked to the nearest subway station, and I wore a constant smile on my face. It was just crazy that this was my job.
“You’re cheerful today,” Paul commented as we entered the station, obviously noting my good mood.
I nodded, grinning wide. “This is my first full day in New York, so I’m pretty excited. Also, I might’ve had three espressos for breakfast.”
“Three? Now that’s living dangerously.” Paul smiled as we boarded a train.
James stayed mostly quiet. When more commuters got on, I was jostled close to him, and I couldn’t help breathing in his piney scent. He always smelled the same and there was something comforting about it.
“Sorry,” I whispered when my chest brushed his. There was way too little space. I tried my hardest to maintain at least an inch between us.
“It’s okay,” he murmured, and I met his eyes for the briefest second. There was definitely something different about him this morning, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
When we finally reached our stop, I stepped quickly off the subway, glad to put some distance between James and me. We walked to a popular old-school parkour spot on the Lower East Side. Nicknamed “scoops”, it was a mostly concrete park in the middle of a bunch of apartment buildings. It definitely had the right look for an episode of Running on Air. I documented the area meticulously with photographs, while James and Paul discussed the type of parkour they could do here, practicing a few jumps and climbs as they did.
Next, we went to Hamilton Fish Park, which was only a short walk away. It was a similar terrain to scoops, but it was perhaps a little more vertically challenging for the group, with higher places to jump from. Again, I took pictures, which I would email to James and Paul at the end of the day.
By the time we were done, my feet ached and all I wanted to do was go lie down. James was right to make me buy better shoes. We were all so exhausted that we decided to postpone our night out until tomorrow, which I was very relieved about. The idea of going out in a city like this with James made me more than a little nervous. New York was so fast and exciting, so full of life, and I feared I could get carried away with a few drinks in me.
I brushed my teeth, washed off my makeup, and changed into my pyjamas. Then I ordered room service and settled in to watch a movie before hopefully getting at least ten hours of sleep. The movie I’d selected was Magic Mike, mainly because I hadn’t seen it yet, and okay, also because Callum’s performance at Leanne’s birthday party had me intrigued. I was about ten minutes in, already fully invested in the storyline, when there was a soft knock on my door. Huh, room service was quick. I went to answer it but instead found James standing in the doorway, looking tired and delectable.
“Need some company?” he asked, voice low and my heart skipped a beat. I tried not to hyperventilate.
“Sure, come in,” I replied, schooling my expression. What was going on?
James stepped into the room, taking it all in, a smirk gracing his lips when he saw what I was watching. “Magic Mike?” he commented, eyebrows raised.
“What?” I folded my arms. “I haven’t seen it before and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about.”
He chuckled quietly and the delicious sound vibrated through me.
“Have you eaten yet?” I asked. “I just ordered room service, but I could call them back.”
James sat down on my bed, and my stomach did a somersault at sight of his hands braced flat on the sheets. Why was that so sexy?
“Don’t trouble yourself,” he replied. “I had a protein bar in my room.”
“A protein bar isn’t enough,” I chided.
He rubbed his jaw. “Okay. Order me whatever you think sounds good.”
“Will do,” I said then went to pick up the phone. Despite my casual façade, my heart was beating a mile a minute. I willed it to slow down but it was no use. I was both nervous and excited to be alone with James. Sure, we’d been alone in my room at his house, but that was a sparsely furnished bedroom with a futon. This was a five-star luxury hotel with sumptuous, stylish interiors. Something about that made things feel more intimate. Adventurous even. Like I could do things here I might never do at home, and that was a dangerous thought.
I decided to order James a steak. He was probably just as starved as I was after all the walking we did today. I turned back around to find him stretched out on the bed, his arms folded above his head and his back leaning against the pillows. Totally comfortable.
It was exactly where I’d been lounging before he arrived, and I found it unfair how relaxed he was while tiny acrobats were doing backflips inside my stomach. I picked up the remote control and turned my attention to the TV.
“We can watch something else,” I said, scrolling through the options.
James reached out and took the remote from my hands. “I’ve interrupted your night, Michaela, so we’ll watch what you want to watch. Now come sit,” he said, patting the space next to him.
Warily, I sat, but I couldn’t relax, not with him so close. I knew James would never try anything weird. It was me I didn’t trust.
“So, you don’t like being alone in hotel rooms?” I ventured curiously.
“What makes you ask that?”
“I just thought that might be why you wanted to hang out,” I replied.
James let out a long sigh. “It’s not that I don’t like hotel rooms. I’ve just been having a hard time sleeping lately, and the more I try to fall asleep, the worse it gets. They say you should get up and do something if you can’t sleep, instead of just lying in bed, so that’s why I came here.” He paused to study me. “I can leave if you—”
“No, no, you can stay. It’s fine.” I eyed him sadly. “Can you not sleep because of your mum?”
James’ brow furrowed, his mouth making a sad shape. “It’s a little because of Mum, but it’s also because I’ve stopped…” He paused mid-sentence, like he hadn’t meant to reveal whatever he’d been about to say.
“Because you’ve stopped what?” I questioned in a soft voice. Seeing Diana? Did he miss her? The thought caused a sharp, jealous pang in my chest.
He ran a hand over his face, looking so tired. He really must not be sleeping well. “Please promise me you won’t tell any of the others this,” he said, “because I’m not sure they’d understand.”
Oh my God. I was right. This had to be about Diana. I braced myself for the blow, shifting to face him fully and placing a hand on his arm. “Whatever it is, I’ll keep it between us. You can trust me on that.”
He looked away for a second, seeming almost…ashamed. When he brought his attention back to me, his face was etched with worry. “For the last few years, I’ve been on anti-anxiety medication,” he said and my eyebrows jumped. Okay, so this wasn’t what I’d expected. I hated to admit the relief I felt.
“I’d been experiencing a lot of stress about signing on to Running on Air,” James continued. “Diana convinced me that medication would help me overcome it. So I started taking pills and have been for years. But I stopped taking them recently because I hate relying on them. They feel like a crutch, but I also don’t feel like I need them anymore. I love being on the show. It doesn’t freak me out like it used to. The problem is the withdrawal has been rough. I’ve been dealing with bouts of insomnia and stomach pain.”
I was completely shocked. I didn’t even realise what I was doing when I reached out and pulled him into a hug. James seemed to sink into the embrace, wrapping his arms around me in response.
“I had no idea,” I whispered.
“I did a good job of hiding it,” he said, voice low, his breath hitting the top of my ear.
Suddenly, I was very much aware of his body on mine, his hard chest and stomach pressing into me. I didn’t want to pull away, but I knew I had to. Just another minute…
At last, I drew back a little, my eyes travelling back and forth between his. “Have you seen a doctor yet? Maybe they could prescribe you something for the withdrawal symptoms.”
James shook his head. “I can deal with the symptoms. They’ll fade eventually. Besides, I don’t want any more pills. I just want to get back to my old self.”
“You should still see a doctor,” I went on. “Just to have a checkup and make sure everything’s okay.”
“Maybe I’ll go when we get back to London,” he said.
I swallowed thickly when his gaze lowered to my mouth. Stop looking there! my subconscious screamed while my libido told it to shut the hell up. Whatever James was thinking right then, I wanted to know more than anything.
We were locked in a moment, still half hugging, when his hand came to rest on my cheek. “You’re always there when I need you.”
“Just trying to be a good friend,” I answered, the words barely audible.
“It’s not just that though—”
A knock sounded on the door.
Room service couldn’t have arrived at a more opportune time. Or was it inopportune? I jumped up from the bed and hurried to let them in. A porter carried in a large tray and set it down on the table by the window while James pulled a twenty out of his wallet for a tip.
The porter left and we were alone again. I removed the fancy silver domes that covered the food.
“You got a starter, a main course, and a dessert,” James observed, sounding amused.
“What? It was a long day and I’m starving,” I protested, and the tension of a moment ago dissipated. Just like that, we were back to our normal selves. I couldn’t decide if I was happy about that or disappointed.
“You better eat quick,” James said. “That chocolate cake is looking awfully tempting.”
I held up a fork, a playful threat. “Touch my cake and suffer the wrath…of my fork.”
James chuckled. “The wrath of your fork?”
“Forks can be deadly weapons if used correctly.”
He arched an eyebrow. “I don’t doubt you.”
We brought our plates over to the bed, because what was the point of staying in a hotel if you can’t at least eat in bed? After our heart-to-heart, it was surprisingly relaxed and not at all awkward watching the movie together. I even shared my chocolate cake with him.
We both seemed to silently agree to forget the moment before the food arrived and I was glad of that. The intensity of it was way too much to contemplate, never mind discuss.
“I could do that,” James said when Channing Tatum did an impressively acrobatic dance move.
“You’re on Running on Air. You can do a whole lot more, I’m sure,” I said, and he looked pleased with the compliment.
We ended up watching two more movies; Dunkirk (James’ choice) and The Grand Budapest Hotel (my choice). Both were really good. In fact, I didn’t know about James, but I definitely didn’t want him to leave. I could’ve spent the entire night watching movies with him. My earlier panic was gone completely now, and there was something peaceful about spending time with him like this. By the third movie, we were both lying down. I had my side of the bed and James had his. The foot or so of space between us felt like a galaxy of distance. My fingers itched to reach out and skim along his arm just to see what it felt like. Then I thought of how he might react. Would he be shocked? Disgusted? Intrigued?
I wasn’t brave enough to take the risk. And besides, touching him was not part of the plan. Nothing that had happened tonight was part of my plan, but I was too weak to resist. When James showed up at my door looking tired and needy for company, there was no way I could’ve told him to leave. There were a few moments where I tried to force my mouth to say the words, but those words were vetoed by the part of me that was besotted with him.
I must’ve been staring because he turned to me then. I quickly looked away, embarrassed, and did my best to focus on the movie. He didn’t mention the staring, which was a relief.
This man had opened up to me, told me things he hadn’t told anyone else, about Diana, the medication. That meant he trusted me.
My heart clenched at the thought that he’d needed medicine to deal with anxiety. I’d always seen James as this strong, confident, put-together person, but he had issues just like the rest of us. He’d been carrying so much on his shoulders these last few weeks, and all I wanted was to relieve some of the burden. I hoped talking to me helped at least a little.
He must’ve sensed me studying him because he stretched out, his fingers skimming along my arm, leaving tingles in their wake.
“What are you doing all the way over there?” he asked, his voice pure gravel and I swear I stopped breathing.