The next morning when Carolyn arrived at work, she sank into the chair behind her desk, rested her head back on the top of the chair and closed her eyes.
She was exhausted, she thought, and the day had hardly begun. She’d had only snatches of sleep last night.
Janice came rushing into the office, causing Carolyn to jerk in surprise at the sudden intrusion.
“Thank goodness you’re here,” Janice said, taking a chair opposite Carolyn’s desk. “This is awful, so sad and terrible, and now everything is a complicated tangle and…”
“Halt,” Carolyn said, leaning forward. “Take a deep breath, calm down and tell me what’s wrong.”
“Okay,” Janice said, drawing a steadying breath. “Elizabeth is gone, poof, winging her way to the Philippines for the International Adoption Conference.”
“Yes,” Carolyn said, nodding. “I’m temporarily in charge here.”
“Right, and Kimiko Sung arrives from Korea this afternoon. Well, the teenage son of Kimiko’s host family was in an automobile accident last night.”
“What?” Carolyn said, her eyes widening.
“He just got his driver’s license and…he’s got a broken leg and arm and a concussion. The family is camped out at the hospital. Carolyn, they can’t take on the care for Kimiko now, they just can’t.”
“No, no, of course they can’t,” Carolyn said, her mind racing. “He’s going to be all right, isn’t he? The host family’s son?”
“Yes, in time, but he’s all banged up and he needs his family’s support. Carolyn, someone else has got to step in and take care of Kimiko. That someone is you.”
“Me?” Carolyn said, nearly shrieking. “But, Janice, that’s not possible. I have a spare bedroom in my apartment, but all that’s in there is some bookcases and a computer. I don’t even have a place for Kimiko to sleep.
“Plus, I know nothing about taking care of children. I just don’t. I mean, I’ve always believed that I would be a good mother if I had a baby, but this is an entirely different set of circumstances.
“Not only that, but the host family took courses in speaking Korean. I wouldn’t even be able to communicate with that frightened little boy.”
“There’s no one else to do it,” Janice said, jumping to her feet. “Think about our staff, Carolyn. I live in an apartment with three roommates. It’s bedlam.
“Three of the men here are bachelors who have zip experience with kids. They sure know how to do their jobs, but take that little guy home? Not a chance.
“The other women are either single with no hands-on time with children, or they’re overflowing with kids at home, or they’re grandmothers who just don’t have the energy to care for Kimiko.”
“Did you hear what I said? I’m an only child. I never baby-sat when I was growing up. I love it when our families bring the little ones into the office to visit us, but I’d panic if one of them asked me to watch their new darling while they ran an errand or whatever. I am…”
“In charge of this agency at the moment,” Janice said. “That means the buck stops with you, or in this case, one scared to death five-year-old is all yours. I’ll get you the flight number of his plane and his time of arrival. You’re going to have to do this, Carolyn. There just isn’t anyone else.”
“Oh…my…God,” Carolyn said, sinking back in her chair. “I don’t believe this.”
“Believe it. I think maybe you should go rent a bed or cot or something for Kimiko to sleep on at your apartment.”
“But what do I feed him?”
“Hey, I don’t know what five-year-old American kids eat, let alone one from Korea. Hamburgers and fries? Doesn’t every country in the world have hamburgers and fries?” She threw up her hands. “I don’t have a clue.” She stomped out of the office.
“Ryan will know what Kimiko eats,” Carolyn said aloud, snatching up the receiver to the telephone. In the next instant she replaced it with a sigh. “No.”
No, she thought, Ryan has his own problems on this bleak Monday morning. He probably hadn’t slept any better than she had because of being upset about Patty.
She was just going to have to tackle this situation on her own and she would. But it sure would help if she knew where to begin. Oh, poor Kimiko. He deserved better than this, but he was stuck with her.
“A bed,” she said, getting to her feet. “I must get that little guy something to sleep on. Toys. He’ll need toys to play with. Food. Oh, for heaven’s sake, Kimiko has probably never seen a hamburger with fries before in his life.”
At seven o’clock that evening Kimiko Sung and Carolyn St. John were both in tears.
Kimiko was huddled in the corner of the living room, his legs drawn up and encircled with his arms, his face buried in his knees as he cried.
Carolyn was sitting on the floor in front of him, unable to stop the flow of her own tears of fatigue, a deep feeling of helplessness and an aching heart for the unhappy child.
Kimiko tightened his hold on his legs as Carolyn placed a trembling hand gently on the top of his head, his dark hair sweaty from crying for what seemed an eternity. She snatched her hand back as she felt him cringe at her touch, and more tears spilled onto her pale cheeks.
“Oh, sweetie, don’t cry,” she said, sniffling. “You’re so tired, and you must be hungry. I’m so sorry you didn’t like the hamburger and fries, or the toys, or… Oh, Kimiko, I just don’t know what to do for you.”
Think, Carolyn, she ordered herself, dashing the tears from her face. Stop wailing and think. Kimiko was so scared. She couldn’t sooth his fears because she didn’t know one word of Korean, like—
Carolyn scrambled to her feet, her heart racing.
“Like Ryan does,” she said, dashing across the room to the telephone.
She lifted the receiver, swallowed a sob as she realized she didn’t know Ryan’s number, then pulled the telephone book out of the drawer of the end table and flipped through the pages.
“Sharpe, Sharpe, Sharpe,” she said, running a fingertip down the S page. “There it is. Okay. Get a grip, Carolyn.”
She pressed the numbers and heard the ringing on the other end.
“Please be there, Ryan,” she whispered. “Please, please, please be home.”
“Hello?” a deep voice said.
“Ryan?” Carolyn said, sinking onto the edge of the sofa. “Oh, thank God.”
“Carolyn?” Ryan said. “What’s wrong? Are you crying? Carolyn?”
“Oh, Ryan,” she said, failing to stem the fresh flow of tears. “It’s Kimiko. The host family couldn’t take him because their son was in an accident, so I picked him up at the airport and brought him here and rented a bed for him and bought him some toys and offered him a hamburger and fries, and he’s just crying and crying, and it’s just breaking my heart because he’s so sad and scared, and I don’t know what to do for him and…Ryan, please, I need you.”
“I’m on my way.”
“Oh, Ryan, thank you so much. I—” Carolyn stopped speaking as she realized that the dial tone was buzzing in her ear.
“Oh, thank you, thank you,” she rambled on as she replaced the receiver. “I love you, Ryan. No, I don’t. That’s just popped out of my mouth because I’m a total wreck so it doesn’t count, and I’m glad you hung up before you heard me say that because that would be the last straw and I don’t have room for one more straw and…oh-h-h.”
Carolyn got to her feet and began to pace, looking at the door, willing it to echo the sound of Ryan’s knock, then shifting her gaze to the tiny boy in the corner who was still sobbing, which caused her to match him tear for tear.
After what seemed like forever, a sharp rap came at the door. Carolyn ran to open the door, then flung herself into Ryan’s arms before he could even enter the apartment.
“Hey,” he said, holding her close. “Take it easy, sweetheart. May I come in?”
Carolyn nodded jerkily and stepped out of Ryan’s embrace. He came into the living room, closed the door, then gripped Carolyn’s shoulders.
“Oh, man, look at you. Why didn’t you call me sooner?”
“Because…because,” Carolyn said, then a sob caught in her throat, “I knew you were already upset about Patty, and I didn’t want to bother you with my problems, but that poor baby over there is so scared, so sad, and…”
“Okay, okay,” Ryan said. “You sit down on the sofa and take a deep breath.” He led her forward and settled her onto the cushion. “Stay.”
“Roll over, play dead, fetch,” Carolyn said, with a hysterical-sounding giggle.
“Whatever works. You just sit there and concentrate on pulling yourself together. You’re going to have a doozy of a sinus headache if you don’t stop crying.”
“I look awful when I cry,” Carolyn said, sniffling.
“Yep, you’re a mess,” Ryan said, taking a clean white handkerchief from his back pocket. “Here. Blow your nose or something while I see if I can figure out Kimiko’s problem.” He glanced at the child. “He sure is small for his age, isn’t he?”
“He’s scared, Ryan,” Carolyn said, pressing the handkerchief to her nose, “and he must be hungry, but he’s terrified of me, doesn’t want me to touch him or…”
“Whoa,” Ryan said. “One thing at a time here.”
“Thank you, Ryan. I needed you and you came. That means so much to me.” Carolyn shook her head. “You must feel like you’re dealing with two weeping children here. Forget about me. Please try to help Kimiko.”
“Yep.”
Ryan crossed the room, hunkered down in front of the five-year-old bundle and began to speak Korean to him in a soft voice that immediately had a soothing effect on Carolyn even though she had no idea what Ryan was saying.
Kimiko lifted his head slowly and stared at Ryan, who continued to talk to him. Kimiko said something in a tiny tearful voice, and Ryan nodded, then spoke to him again.
The conversation went on for several minutes, then Carolyn’s breath caught as Kimiko lunged to his feet, threw his arms around Ryan’s neck and buried his face in Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan got to his feet with Kimiko in his arms, rubbing the child’s back in a gentle motion.
“Easy does it, kiddo,” Ryan said. “Everything is going to be just fine. First thing on the agenda is a trip to the bathroom.”
“I showed him the bathroom, but he just shrieked and ran back to his spot against the wall.”
“He may never have seen an indoor bathroom before,” Ryan said, starting across the room. “You said his parents couldn’t afford the surgery he needs. He very likely lives in a pretty primitive village with no modern conveniences. We shall return, Carolyn.”
Oh, look at them, Carolyn thought, as Ryan disappeared from view with Kimiko held tightly in his arms. What a beautiful picture they made. The big, strong father comforting the frightened son, calming his fears, making everything all right. Ryan would be such a marvelous daddy, the type of man who would always be there for his children and his…his wife.
Ryan returned to the living room with Kimiko walking beside him, Kimiko’s little hand tightly grasping Ryan’s fingers.
“Next up,” Ryan said, chuckling, “is the matter of your trying to put blood on his biscuit.”
Carolyn got to her feet. “I did what?” Her eyes widened. “Oh, my gosh. I put ketchup on his hamburger. No wonder he’s scared to death of me. He must think I’m some kind of monster.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Ryan said. “I’m going to scramble him an egg. You can make him some toast with butter. Okay? And pour him a glass of milk?”
“Yes. Yes, of course.”
A short time later Kimiko was shoveling in spoonfuls of scrambled egg, prompting Ryan to say something to him in Korean that resulted in the little boy slowing down his consumption of the food. Ryan and Carolyn stood next to the table, watching Kimiko eat.
“You know,” Ryan said quietly, sliding his hands into the pockets of his slacks, “this has been quite an experience. For the first time in my life I solved a problem, set things to rights because of who and what I am. My being different, per se, was exactly what was needed here tonight. It feels…” He stopped speaking and cleared his throat as his emotions overcame him. “It feels good, which definitely isn’t a big enough word.”
“Oh, Ryan,” Carolyn said, placing one hand on his arm. “I don’t know what Kimiko and I would have done without you tonight. I can’t help but wonder if the parents who adopt older Asian children through the agency have problems like this and just didn’t say anything to us about it.
“We tell the people who are adopting babies that they should dilute the formula they buy here when they first get home until the baby can tolerate how rich it is, compared to what we know they’ve been getting.
“But it never occurred to any of us that the older kids would be offered foods they’d never seen or tasted before. There have probably been upset tummies that have been chalked up to adjusting to their new home and the strangers around them.
“Because of what you’ve taught me tonight I now know this is something we need to address at the agency. I owe you so many thank-yous the list is getting ridiculously long. Because of your background you have knowledge that will smooth rough waters for these scared little guys in the future.”
“I can help because of my heritage,” Ryan said, shaking his head. “Like I said, this is definitely a new experience for me.”
“A warm fuzzy feeling?” Carolyn said, smiling.
“In spades,” he said, matching her smile.
Carolyn shifted her gaze to Kimiko. “Isn’t he a beautiful child? His hair is so silky and his eyes seem to possess the ability to see right into a person’s soul, just like yours do. They’re so dark, so compelling.”
“So Asian,” Ryan said, frowning. “Just like my eyes are.”
Carolyn looked up at Ryan again. “I think you have the most gorgeous eyes I’ve ever seen.”
Ryan turned his head to meet Carolyn’s gaze. “You do? I mean, hey, they shout the message, you know? Yo, attention everyone, this guy is different.”
“This guy is special, unique and wonderful.” Carolyn smiled. “That makes you different big time, because a great many men I’ve met are real jerks.”
Ryan laughed, then quieted as Kimiko spoke.
“He wants another egg,” he said, picking up Kimiko’s plate.
“I’m glad to see him eating so well. He’s so thin, and there’s an unhealthy pallor beneath his skin tone.”
“Well, I imagine his medical problem has taken a toll,” Ryan said, going back to the stove. “Once they fix that hole in his heart I bet that he’ll start to fill out, grow bigger, be a hustlin’ bustlin’ little boy like any other five-year-old.”
“Yes,” Carolyn said, nodding. “If only all physical impairments could be solved by a team of doctor performing surgery and… Oh, good heavens. Physical impairments. This is Monday night. I’ve got to call and explain why I didn’t show up to teach my class.” She turned and started from the room.
“You teach a class on Monday nights? What kind of class?”
“Sign language,” she said, as she hurried away.
Ryan finished preparing Kimiko’s egg by rote, his mind racing.
That was where Carolyn went every Monday night? he thought, placing the plate back in front of Kimiko. She taught a sign language class? Why was she so proficient in sign language? Well, it probably fascinated her at some point and she got so good at it she was capable of teaching it to other people.
But why the secrecy about it, the way she skittered around saying where she was going on Monday nights? Did that make sense? Hell no, not even close. Why hadn’t she just said that she couldn’t see him on Monday nights because she taught a class in sign language? Well, there was only one way to find out. Ask her. And he would, just as soon as they got Kimiko settled into bed.
Carolyn returned to the kitchen, and Ryan had to nearly bite his tongue to keep from broaching the subject. He looked at her for a long moment, willing her to offer some explanation.
“If Kimiko hasn’t seen a bathroom before, how do you think he’ll feel about taking a bath?”
Ryan inwardly sighed. So that was how she was going to play it. Pretend that her revelation about teaching sign language had never happened. Damn.
“Do you think you can explain a bath to Kimiko, Ryan?”
“I’ll give it my best shot.”
Think about little boys and bubble baths, Ryan, Carolyn mentally pleaded. Please forget what you heard me say earlier. Oh, she couldn’t believe she’d just opened her mouth and said it. She was definitely an overloaded wreck.
Ryan sat down across from Kimiko, and a conversation in Korean took place between the pair. Kimiko frowned, shook his head, then finally nodded.
“The bath is a go,” Ryan said to Carolyn. “What kind of clothes did he bring with him?”
“Not many. He just has a small tote made of what looks like carpet scraps with a few things to wear. I bought him a plastic dump truck, a coloring book, and crayons and a storybook before I picked him up. It didn’t occur to me that he would need clothes.”
“Well, we can remedy that tomorrow. Where is he going to sleep?”
“I rented a bed and had it delivered. It’s in the spare bedroom where I keep my computer.”
“Okay,” Ryan said, getting to his feet. “I’ll go give him a bath, then we’ll sit together by his bed while I attempt to translate the gist of the story in the book you got him. That way he’ll start to realize that you’re not a scary lady who does nothing more than try to put blood on his biscuit.”
“I feel so bad about that,” Carolyn said, shaking her head. “It’s a prime example of how things can be so misconstrued by someone who doesn’t understand what’s going on.”
“There’s a lot of that going around,” Ryan said, looking at her intently. “Come on, Kimiko,” he said, shifting his gaze back to the little boy. “Let’s hit the suds.”
“I’ll clean the kitchen while you’re giving him a bath. Call me when you’re ready to read to him, or tell him the story or however you think you’ll be able to do it.”
“Right,” Ryan said gruffly, then swung Kimiko up into his arms and left the kitchen.
Carolyn sighed as a wave of total exhaustion swept through her.
Maybe, she thought, as she began the kitchen chores, Ryan wouldn’t push tonight for answers, due to the fact that they were focusing on Kimiko. Maybe, just maybe, he’d put the whole thing on the back burner for now, making it possible for her to discuss it calmly and coolly when she wasn’t so very, very tired.
There was a slim chance of that happening, but she was going to hang on to the slender thread of hope like a lifeline.
Carolyn finished cleaning, then went through her bedroom to stand at the open doorway to the bathroom, a smile instantly forming on her lips as she savored the sound of Ryan’s laughter intertwining with Kimiko’s.
The bathtub held an enormous mound of bubbles that Kimiko was throwing in the air by the handful. Ryan was sitting on the mat on the floor, poking bubbles that escaped beyond the rim of the tub.
The now-familiar warmth tiptoed around Carolyn’s heart as she looked at the pair, and she reaffirmed in her mind what a wonderful father Ryan would be.
“Okay, you’re shivering. Time to rinse off, buddy. You’ve had a big day and you need some sleep, too.”
“He doesn’t have any pajamas. Why don’t you put a pair of undies on him, and I’ll get him one of my T-shirts to sleep in.”
Ryan nodded, then pulled the plug in the bottom of the tub.
“Does he have tests, or something tomorrow at the hospital?” he said, standing Kimiko up in the tub and sluicing the bubbles off of him.
“Yes, at eleven in the morning. I have to take him to the office with me until it’s time to keep his appointment. There are toys in the reception area at work he can play with…if he will.”
Ryan got to his feet, lifted Kimiko out of the tub and set him on the mat, then began to dry the little boy with a big, fluffy towel.
“Why don’t I take him shopping for clothes instead? I’ll come here in the morning and get him, then pick you up at your office, and the three of us will go to the hospital together.”
“Don’t you have to work?”
“I’m on schedule with what I’m doing at the moment. I can spare the time.”
“Okay, thank you,” Carolyn said. “I’ll get a T-shirt for Kimiko.”
A short time later Carolyn sat next to Ryan on the edge of Kimiko’s bed and listened while Ryan spoke Korean as he turned the pages in the storybook. Kimiko’s lashes drifted down, he popped his eyes open again, then gave up the battle and fell asleep.
Ryan closed the book and stared at Kimiko.
“He’s such a neat little kid. Powerful, too. That tiny package has managed to wrap his fingers around my heart, and I don’t think he’s going to let go.”
“You’re wonderful with him, Ryan,” Carolyn said, her voice hushed. “You’re a natural-born father. A son of yours would look a great deal like Kimiko, too, I imagine.”
“A little bit maybe,” Ryan said, his gaze still riveted on the sleeping child. “My American half would show up someplace, but my son would definitely have almond-shaped eyes. That Asian gene is obviously strong.” He shook his head. “This is a crazy conversation. Let’s get out of here before we wake him up.”
Oh, let’s not, Carolyn thought frantically. She’d much rather just sit there with Ryan and watch Kimiko sleep than go into the living room and run the risk of Ryan addressing the issue of the sign language classes.
Ryan got to his feet, went to the doorway, then turned to look at Carolyn where she was still sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Coming?” he said.
No, she thought.
“Yes,” she said wearily.