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Venik’s quiet as he walked Dawn to her room unnerved her. She wasn’t sure why she felt off kilter but there was something in the way the techs had watched them when she’d hugged him. Maybe they weren’t used to seeing anyone hug the taciturn soldier. Or ex-soldier. Venik had explained he no longer held active military rank.
She eyed the long strides he took, grateful for her own height and long legs allowing her to keep with his pace. Venik didn’t have to actually tell her he was a soldier. He carried himself with the same mannerism as the jjaawirs she spent time with. It was obvious in his familiarity with this large ship, the looks of recognition and respect on the faces of those they passed.
He led her to another lift. This one without the panel Dawn was used to seeing. He stood in front of a black circle and a wedge of blue light came out, sending blue lines over the left side of his face. A moment later, a beep sounded, and the light faded. The doors to the lift parted.
“I’ve never been in this area before,” she said.
He glanced over at her, black eyes gleaming. “For obvious reason. It is for security cleared personnel only.”
Dawn had to bite down hard to keep her lips from curling. It wouldn’t do to let him know his subtle slurs amused her at this point.
They stepped inside together and again the eye scan occurred before Venik announced their level. The car they rode shot straight up then turned sharply to the right then dropped. Dawn grabbed the waist high safety bar, all the while hoping she wouldn’t be trapped in another tiny box.
The doors opened and she burst into the corridor, gasping. She recognized where she was in an instant. Another careful look from Venik, but he held his silence and followed to her rooms. In front of the door, Dawn used her hand on the panel for the palm scanner and the door opened.
“Do you want anything? Drink? Food?” she asked, heading straight for the plumped pillows on the floor in the main room and plopping down in relief. That was an adventure she hoped to never repeat.
“Are you certain you’re well after your experience?” Venik countered.
Dawn tipped her head back toward the ceiling and exhaled. “Other than being scared out of my mind at one point, I’m fine.”
“Then I’ll leave you alone.”
He turned to leave and it took a beat for Dawn to remember why they were to meet to begin with. She sat upright and called out, “Wait!”
Venik paused and Dawn swallowed. Unwilling to have this conversation sitting, she lurched to her feet and stood. He turned slowly to face her. “What is it, Dawn Reavers?”
He rarely called her just Dawn though she’d explained the correction to him on numerous occasions. Stupidly, a part of Dawn liked it and felt as if it was a small shared joke between them.
Perhaps the joke was on her, though, because as much as Dawn was discovering her growing attraction to Venik, she also noticed the lack of the same on his part. Despite an overly protective nature and a tendency to set her off with his surly nature, nothing in his manner expressed a similar desire for her.
“Did you need something?” he pressed.
You. That’s what she wanted to say. Dawn blew out a breath and shook her head. “No, but I do think we need to talk about your demand that I end the training sessions.”
His upper lip curled, flashing the sharp teeth that had intimidated her in the past but no longer. “Jjaawir Bou would have injured you.”
Offended, she tisked. “Not true. I was winning.”
The more time she observed the Vassi fighting, the better Dawn got in her own methods and style. Soon she’d have their knubtu mastered as well. She only needed a little more time.
“Her anger got the better of her and she was no longer sparring. Her intent was harm,” he stated grimly.
Yeah. Dawn had kinda picked up on that when the other woman’s calm had snapped. But she’d been handling it. “What if I agree not to fight against Callie? Will you let me continue?”
As much as Dawn hated asking for anything, she realized in this she had to. While she was stuck on this vessel, she’d need his approval to have this small way of expending her bottled energy.
Venik lowered his head and stared at the floor. When he spoke, the words were muttered. “I know I will regret this but if you avoid angering Jjaawir Bou and refuse to accept any future challenges from her, you may resume practice sessions.”
Dawn pumped her fist and hopped in the air as she silently cheered. Venik looked up at that moment and caught her mid-celebration. His expression grew dark and foreboding. Irritation on display, he crossed the room toward her. “I will hold you to your vow that you will take great care of yourself, Dawn Reavers.”
Before she could ponder those odd words, Venik turned again. Dawn reached him before he could open the door. This close the warmth of his body heat touched her, sizzled through her pores. Even her nose was working against her, bringing his tantalizing scent to her on a wave of desire so intense it made Dawn want to curl up.
Placing her hands on his broad shoulders, she leaned up on her tiptoes only to have Venik sharply turn his head to the side when her mouth was close. Rough hands clasped her waist and he shoved her away. “You are distraught from your incident.”
Ice coated his statement and a distinct chill raced across her skin. He turned away from her and eased through the door. It closed with finality and the tension in the air damn near choked the breath from her lungs.
Though he was gone, Dawn continued to stare at the closed door. Humiliation froze her limbs.
“What the hell, Dawn?” she groaned and bent at the waist to exhale roughly.
Why had she done that?! She’d known he wouldn’t be receptive to a kiss but she’d done it anyway.
Idiot! She was an absolute idiot, Dawn thought as she straightened. Her mind replayed those awful last seconds and she cringed. Every time she got around Venik, she did something stupid.
Her alarm on the coffee table went off with a determined buzz and she jolted. It was time for the third meal. How could she eat after that awful misstep?
Appalled, she almost considered skipping but decided against it. She wasn’t one for avoidance.
Shutting down the worry and dismay about her failed efforts to kiss Venik, Dawn hopped in the cleanser and washed, leaving her hair up in a knot to keep it dry. There wasn’t enough time to wash it, so she’d save that for later.
Standing in front of the closet wearing only a towel, Dawn eyed her clothing selection. Choice was limited. Most of her wardrobe consisted of basic tops and pants Venik had secured for her. The crew and other members on the huge ship alternated between red uniforms, training gear for off shifts or some variation. None that she’d noticed, dressed in the sensual fahsi and hooded shirts Venik favored.
With a sigh, she reached for the simple white shirt and muddy brown pants tucked in the back. The pants had fitted cuffs at the ankles and the pleated waist hid the fact she’d lost a little weight during her illness. The shirt was scooped neck with elbow length sleeves and was pretty flattering if she did say so.
Once dressed, Dawn hurried from her quarters, eyed the lift in the hall and darted promptly to the right for the stairs. The huge dining hall was only two decks above and she preferred the climb to being trapped again.
Dawn entered the dining hall to the normal low growls of chatter from the Vassi. Hearing the dark noises had taken some getting used to, but the fact she understood every word spoken helped.
A huge crowd had already formed despite it being one of three such places to eat on the Black Star. One of the reasons she’d hurried. Meals were served four times per day then you were on your own in your room. Dawn wasn’t yet comfortable figuring out how to order food on the device in her room because of the literacy issue and lack of images for the selections.
She did a quick check for Venik, a breath of relief whistling through her lips when she didn’t see him. Not that she ever did. He probably ate with high ups or in his room.
Scanning the lines at the various food stations, she wondered if she should try something new or play it safe. Since the Vassi practiced pescetarianism from what she could tell, her options were limited to a wide range of crustaceans, mollusks, vegetables and slimy things she didn’t recognize. It helped to be open-minded and to pretend she didn’t care what went into her mouth.
That wasn’t always easy.
“Are you sharing the meal with anyone?”
Dawn glanced up. Harum stood next to her with a silver tray laden with food in his hands. She offered a smile of welcome. “Hi. Um...no I was just going to grab something.”
“You are welcome to join us.” He nodded toward a table with six chairs and four of them taken by large Vassi males.
She recognized Davud from her training but the others she couldn’t place. Dawn thought about going back to her lonely room or spending more time around others. With her feelings for Venik and that mortifying almost kiss jumbled in her head, Dawn opted to stay. “I’d like that. Let me get my food.”
“Do you have a preference? I can get it for you.”
Harum was being kind. He was one of the few on this ship who didn’t treat Dawn as an oddity. Granted, she was the alien onboard.
“Lom? Your food?”
“Oh, right.” She thought of the two dishes she liked. “I’ll have the bulok and tak-tak.”
It was a soup and bread item. He eyed her choices in some concern, then nodded. “I’ll bring them over.”
Dawn strode over to the table Harum had pointed out and took one of the empty seats. After an awkward, pause there was a round of neutral greetings. This reminded her of her time on Earth. Always the odd standout, unsure how to join in or how to participate without coming across abrasive because her default was sarcasm.
Soon the individual conversations resumed and Dawn waited anxiously for Harum’s return. The talk centered around work and military jargon she couldn’t really understand or relate to.
Sighing, she looked around, wondering how long it took to bring back a tray of food. More gruff growls and snarls erupted at the table as the group started a heated discussion. She tuned in. Each of them was engrossed on the topic of War Birds.
“We’ll arrive tomorrow. HC Liwu is pushing the Black Star as fast as possible.”
There were solemn nods around.
“Has anyone heard from the pilots? Are they well?”
Harum slid into the chair beside Dawn. “Here you are.”
She glanced down at the blue square plate. It held her favorite items the bulok and tak-tak, plus the addition of stuff she didn’t recognize. Shelled pink squirmy things alongside a golden crisp wedge and reddish purple leaves with some type of sauce drizzled on top. At least it all smelled amazing. Her stomach had doubts, though.
Leaning over, Harum whispered, “Trust me. You cannot survive on broth and bread.”
Flushing, Dawn reached for her silverware, a two pronged utensil with a long handle. She played it safe and went for the leafy vegetable. Spicy seasoning burst on her tongue. She closed her eyes to savor the flavor then tested the wedge. The crust broke away easily, revealing a moist, flaky center of some sort of fish.
Again, the tangy taste exploded in her mouth, surprising her. Soon, she was devouring the tiny pink things as well, saving her soup and bread for last. It had been a long time since she’d enjoyed a meal this much. Once she cleared her plates, Dawn glanced up to find everyone at the table staring at her.
“Dut! Has she not been eating all this time, Harum?”
“Does Commander Avar know she’s been starving herself?”
“If he finds out no one fed her, we’re all in danger.”
Their focused regard made her the center of attention and uncomfortable. Self-consciousness rose and her cheeks burned. Dawn cleared her throat. “I’ve been eating. It’s just difficult because I don’t know what a lot of things are and I have a sensitive stomach.”
She didn’t often talk about her IBS. The wrong foods could tie her belly in knots for days and Dawn had learned the hard way to be careful of what she ate or what new things she tried.
“How have you been managing all these wekkis?” Harum interrupted the others to ask in shock.
The entire table watched and waited. Dawn nervously wiped her hands on her pants leg. “The bulok and tak-tak are really good. Plus, I like most of the stuff served for breakfast.”
The first meals of the day tended to be soft breads, pastries, or mystery fruit that settled easily on her stomach and were filling.
That got her more intense stares until Harum redirected the conversation with questions on the best foods to eat. The others offered suggestions as well.
“My apologies, lom. I have not introduced you.” Harum interrupted an argument about whether a certain fish was best served grilled or raw and pointed to each person at the table. “This is Officer Gorsun Ridik, Officer Biryn Nuun, Lim Davud Hto and Lim Saar Fek.”
They nodded one by one.
“This is Lom Dawn Reavers from Earth,” Harum finished.
She waved awkwardly and asked, “Are you all soldiers?”
Davud shook his head. “Saar and I work in technology and security.”
“Biryn and I are pilots on War Birds. We have been with the Black Star for seven senims,” Gorsun said.
“But you aren’t jjaawirs?” she asked.
Biryn chuckled. “It’s my goal someday to attain the classification.”
She was even more confused. Gorsun gestured to himself and Biryn. “All jjaawir are soldiers, but not all soldiers are jjaawir. Jjaawir are the best of us. Harum Sine is jjaawir.”
“Ahhhh.” Dawn studied their appearances. Harum, Biryn and Gorsun had long hair with small braids at the front, while Saar and Davud had long hair but no braids. A soldier thing maybe? “I have another question but I’m not sure if it’s too personal.”
“You have permission to ask and we will decide if we can answer,” Harum politely supplied when the others shifted in their seats.
Their hesitation was reasonable. They didn’t really know her. She worded her question in the best way she could think of to avoid offense. “I’ve noticed that some of you have tusks and some do not. Why is that?”
Venik didn’t have any and neither did his friend Sevanti but she’d seen several men and women onboard with the two distinct protrusions over their mouths.
Harum inclined his head. “That is easy. Those of us in the military shave our tusks down per regulation.”
Dawn glanced specifically at the obvious curved white tusks on Saar’s and Davud’s mouths. “You both have them but you work on the Black Star.”
While Davud maintained his serious demean, his black eyes lit with humor. “Saar and I are not in the military. It’s why we don’t wear uniforms. We are civilians of Vassi who have accepted a temporary assignment onboard.”
Now it was making a lot of sense, except she remembered something Venik had told her back on Earth. He’d mentioned his retirement and stated a time limit given for those who served. “Venik doesn’t have tusks and he’s not in the military anymore, right?”
The jovial mood of the table shifted. Humor faded and the stares directed her way contained unease. Dawn tried to think of what she’d said to draw such a reaction. Was she not supposed to mention it? Was it a failure for some to not have them?
It was Saar who was bold enough to ask. “It’s true then? You call the Commander by his personal name?”
Unsure how to answer, Dawn glanced at Harum. She had the feeling she’d done something drastically wrong. “I don’t understand.”
“First names are reserved for close family and friends,” Harum explained.
“Or intimate partners,” Gorsun muttered, eyeing Dawn in discomfort.
Intimate partners? That was far from the case and not likely to ever happen if Venik’s abrupt avoidance of her kiss was anything to go by. “What am I supposed to call everyone? Am I allowed to call you Harum?”
Biryn snorted. “Not unless you wish to see him get his face bashed in by the Commander.”
Horror washed over Harum’s expression. “If you value my life in our short acquaintance, I would beg of you to refer to me as Jjaawir Sine.”
Dawn sat back in her seat with a huff. This was enlightening. Not all of it good. Also, the others implied a level of terror for Venik in association with her. “I don’t think he’d bash your face in, Ha—Jjaawir Sine.”
She’d have to get used to that and remember to use titles or the respectful honorific lim and lom. “Does this apply to women too?”
“No,” Biryn said firmly. “Name sharing outside of friend and family circles has intimate connotations.”
“Some things are just as ridiculous even on other worlds,” Dawn muttered under her breath. For clarification she had to know. “What makes you think Venik...shit, Commander Avar would harm you if I used your names?”
They shared a glance among themselves but no one answered.
“Come on, guys. Lim. Hell, I’m confusing myself. Just tell me whatever it is you know.”
Harum cleared his throat and straightened in his seat. “The commander made it clear upon your arrival that you were to be treated with care.”
Dawn shrugged. That wasn’t so bad. “It’s kindness. I mean, we saved each other’s lives.”
“The hiku? That is real?” Saar probed with an arch of his brow ridges.
“Well, yeah. We worked together on something major to save my world.” It had been a big deal and drew her and Venik closer. He’d lost his only brother, for God’s sake.
“He assigned you guards,” Gorsun blurted.
Okay. There wasn’t much she could say to that. Except. “I don’t have them anymore, though!”
They avoided her gaze. Dawn stilled. No. Way. Venik wouldn’t. “Do I?”
“The commander is...protective in regards to your person,” Harum stated carefully.
That was as good as a yes. She still had guards. Dawn didn’t see them, so they had to be stealthy. “None of that means Ven—Comm—hell with it, Venik would hurt someone on my behalf.”
Davud met her gaze. “There are also the rumors.”
He said it slowly and clearly. The others pinned her with their midnight gazes in expectation. Dawn swallowed past a sudden thickness in her throat. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know this but had to. “Rumors?”
“Of unnatural de—”
“That’s enough, Davud!” Harum glared at everyone at the table and they all masked their expressions, lips pressed tight. “Lom Dawn, if you are done, I will see you to your room.”
Her stomach felt all rumbly right now and it wasn’t because of the food either. What had Davud been about to say? She puzzled through his last words about rumors. Unnatural de—desires!
Was that why Venik pushed her away? Was he disgusted by her humanness?
Swallowing past the unexpected blast of disappointment, Dawn asked, “Are others thinking it too? That Venik has unnatural desires for me?”
Their bronze skin took on a darker hue that could only mean one thing. Sharp spikes stabbed at her heart. She recalled the shock on the faces of those in the training room when she’d used Venik’s name. The stares when she’d hugged him after being saved from the lift. She’d unknowingly crossed a cultural taboo.
But Venik hadn’t said anything or corrected her.
At the moment, Dawn couldn’t decide if it sucked worse realizing why Venik truly had no interest in her or that others thought he did. She could barely push beyond the humiliation. “They do. Wow. Well, at least I now know why I sometimes get weird looks.”
She shoved back her chair and rose unsteadily to her feet. Harum jumped up beside her, his brow ridges raised high in distress. “Lom, let me ex—”
“That won’t be necessary.” She eyed all of them. “Thank you for sharing the meal with me and recommending food I can safely eat. Jjaawir Sine, I can find my way on my own to my room. Like I’ve been doing.”
She added the last with a pointed glare at Harum. He could keep his pity. Heart in her throat and controlling the need to tremble, Dawn walked calmly across the dining hall and out the door. With her new knowledge, the subtle glances aimed Dawn’s way held a deeper, more mortifying meaning.
Unnatural desire. Wow. Fuck her life and fuck the Vassi too.