St Arwar's Ball

In which Nate meets a famous guest and receives a mediocre apology.

The Captains table was closed off from the Great Hall by a swathe of heavy brocade curtains.

I had previously observed that DeBlanc encouraged a cult of privacy aboard the Uchronie and now saw that it was, indeed, his way of life. He kept themselves separate from the rest of the crew and did not really communicate with them except to issue orders. He existed in his own interior space, shielded from the real world.

Two armed guards and a large, bathykolpian woman in a green evening gown blocked our way as we approached this private area.

‘Hello Mummy,’ said Lolly.

‘Lolly, my dear. How are you?’ said the woman.

‘I’m doing splendidly.’ said Lolly, holding on to my arm. ‘Mummy… this is Nate Drywood.’

‘Ah… the observer from the Hindenburg.’ said her mother, studying me through a pair of brass opera glasses. ‘Tirant was telling me all about him.’

‘Nate, I’d like to introduce you to my mother.’ said Lolly. ‘The Duchess Daphne DeBlanc.’

‘Double Duchess Daphne DeBlanc.’ she said, holding out a white gloved hand to me.

‘Charmed I’m sure.’ I said, kissing the back of her hand.

‘My, my! Lolly. Nate is such a gentleman,’ said Daphne. ‘Not at all as Tirant described him.’

‘Is daddy inside?’ asked Lolly.

‘Yes. He is entertaining a guest,’ said Daphne, wrinkling her nose. ‘They are smoking cigars in there. Pop your head in and say hello, I’m just going to powder my nose. I’ll be back in a moment.’

One of the armed guards followed two paces behind her as she left the hall.

‘Come in my dear.’ said Commander DeBlanc, as I pulled the curtains open for Lolly. ‘I have a special guest that I’d like you to meet.’

Inside his veiled space, Commander DeBlanc and his guest sat in a grotto filled with cigar smoke, brightened only by a few, carefully positioned, candles.
I gasped when I saw the portly gentleman with the top hat and bulldog like scowl.

It was Winston Churchill.

‘Winston, this is Nate Drywood.’ said Commander DeBlanc. ‘We had to rescue him from the alternate timeline as well.’

‘Always pleased to meet someone fighting on the same side.’ said Winston, gruffly. ‘The sooner we get this damn Hindenburg business sorted out the better.’

‘Yes!’ said DeBlanc. ‘Once tha anomaly is repaired we will be able to create a better world for everyone.’

‘It is my belief that we must strengthen ourselves against the belligerence of Germany.’ said Churchill, standing up, ‘We must fight! On the beaches, in the fields, in the streets, in the hills, in the air. We must never surrender... to this gathering storm.’

‘I think that speech still needs some work.’ said DeBlanc, ‘I liked what you said earlier about blood, sweat, and tears. Perhaps you should borrow a few more quotes from Wells and Verne.’

‘I shall use every means at my disposal.’ said Churchill, sitting back down. ‘There is much in their writing that stimulates my fancy.’

The curtain opened and, as Daphne DeBlanc re-entered, the band started playing.

‘Ah, my dear.’ said DeBlanc. ‘Les Chemise Rouge have started. Are the crew enjoying the St Arwar’s Ball?’

‘Oh, the girl’s are all lined up on one side of the dance floor.’ said his wife, ‘and the men are standing along the other.’

‘Tssk... It’s always like that at the start.’ said DeBlanc. ‘They’ll all end up in a heap in the middle of the dance floor by the end of the night.’

‘Oh! Really! Tirant.’ said Daphne, looking at me. ‘You make the crew sound dreadful.’

‘You should talk to daddy about the Uchronie.’ whispered Lolly.

‘What?’ I said, unable to hear her for the music.

‘Ask daddy about the Uchronie.’ murmured Lolly, smiling at her mother. ‘It’s his pride and joy.’

‘What are you saying my dear?’ asked Commander DeBlanc, turning towards us.

‘Nate was just wondering how you became the commander of such a vast airship.’ said Lolly.

‘Well now.’ said DeBlanc, leaning back in his throne-like chair and swirling his brandy around in his huge glass. ‘I first travelled on a balloon over fifty years ago and I was mightily impressed. That was Nadar’s Géant - a balloon of six thousand cubic meters.’

‘Yes... The Giant.’ said Winston Churchill. ‘I’ve heard of it.’

‘A few years later, in America, John Wise created a balloon of twenty thousand cubic meters.’ said DeBlanc. ‘But the first dirigible capable of carrying passengers was created in France and measured twenty-five thousand cubic meters!’

‘Impressive.’ I said, trying to join in the conversation.

‘Not compared with the Uchronie.’ said DeBlanc. ‘Her volume exceeds five hundred thousand cubic meters.’

‘Incredible sir.’ I said. ‘But how is it possible to keep such a gigantic vessel airborne?’

‘It is the size to weight ratio of the Uchronie that is the key.’ said DeBlanc. ‘The result of many experiments carried out during the last quarter of the nineteenth century.’

‘Such as…?’ I enquired.

‘The aerostat propeller attached to an elongated dirigible by Henry Giffard was a significant improvement.’ said DeBlanc, examining his cigar. ‘Lightweight engines yielded further important advances. But it is well known that these small balloons were only really guidable, under very, very, favourable conditions.’

‘How do you mean, sir?’ asked Winston Churchill, adjusting his top hat.

‘Well sir.’ said DeBlanc with a wry smile. ‘For example, indoors in a large, covered hanger their success rate was 100 percent.’

‘Hardly practical for commercial transport.’ said Winston, blowing a cloud of cigar smoke across the table.

‘Indeed.’ said DeBlanc. ‘On a calm summer’s day these small craft did very well... In a light wind of five metres a second they could still move in the direction they were aimed but not at any practical speed.’

‘I was once aboard a Novelty Air Ship Company’s dirigible.’ said Winston. ‘The wind was against us and we could barely make any forward progress.’

‘In a fresh breeze…eleven metres a second…small craft go backwards.’ said DeBlanc, ‘In a storm…thirty metres a second…they are completely out of control. And in a hurricane…sixty metres a second…or a cyclone, a hundred metres a second… they are smashed to pieces.’

‘I’m glad I got out when I did.’ said Winston Churchill. ‘A considerable storm blew up that day.’

‘Small guidable aerostats have very little power and are notoriously difficult to keep on course,’ said DeBlanc, ‘even in a moderate breeze.’

‘Small?’ I enquired.

‘Less than one hundred thousand cubic metres.’ said DeBlanc, sipping his brandy.

I nodded. The Hindenburg was two hundred thousand square metres.

‘Once the lifting mechanism was perfected, steam engines gradually became accepted as the way forward.’ said DeBlanc. ‘A compact steam engine develops twelve horsepower and yields a speed of six metres per second in any weather. Gradually airships achieved that desideratum described as a steam horse in a watch case.’

‘That is a perfect description of the Uchronie.’ I said. ‘A steam horse in a watch case.’

‘Correct, sir!’ said DeBlanc, triumphantly finishing his brandy. ‘The Uchronie is my clipper of the clouds.’

‘Tirant,’ said Daphne DeBlanc, pouring her husband more brandy. ‘I believe you have to be big as well now and apologize to Nate for an injustice that he suffered last night.’

In an instant DeBlanc’s face went purple and he would not look at her or the glass of brandy that she was offering. Instead he puffed furiously on his cigar and filled the enclosed space with acrid smoke.

‘You said you found no evidence linking him to the attempted bombing of the Hindenburg.’ she persisted.

Lolly and I exchanged a glance.

Awkward.

‘Yes indeed.’ coughed DeBlanc, clearing his throat. ‘I have talked to my friend, Commander Rosendahl, at Lakehurst and he believes that the Hindenburg was sabotaged by parties unknown. It seems that there are much bigger, much darker forces trying to control the world.’

‘Even in the darkest night, the light never wholly abandons his rule.’ growled Winston Churchill. ‘But in this alternate timeline the smallest of events seem capable of causing enormous disruption. It seems that if someone left a tap running it could cause a Nazi victory!’

‘If someone stepped on an ant it might cause a Nazi victory.’ said DeBlanc, standing up rather unsteadily. ‘Who knows what rules apply now? Hopefully our mission to Germany will re-establish the Universal Order. Anyway… I have to get this party started.’

‘Oh… if only he had an atom of firmness.’ said Daphne, as Commander DeBlanc left the table. ‘That was not any sort of decent apology.’

‘It’s alright mummy. I know what he’s like.’ said Lolly, pulling back the curtain so we could see DeBlanc clambering on to the stage. The band stopped playing and Jules, the singer, stepped back from the microphone so the commander could make his announcement.

As soon as he touched the microphone there was a loud bang as a balloon above him suddenly burst.

Everybody gasped and then laughed when the drummer of Les Chemise Rouge clashed his cymbal.

‘Alright… Now we have 99 red balloons.’ said DeBlanc, taking the interruption in his stride. ‘Do not to be concerned, no one is going to blow up the Uchronie. This hall has been thoroughly checked by security. There is no bomb hidden in the piano set to go off when the pianist hits a certain note…’

Leon, the pianist ran his fingers up the keyboard, played a high trill, looked under the lid of the piano and spread his hands.

Everybody laughed again.

‘…There is no sniper in the gantry above the stage.’ continued Tirant DeBlanc, looking directly at me. ‘We have checked and double checked and I can assure you that there are no terrorists on board tonight.’

‘That was your apology right there, Nate.’ said Daphne DeBlanc. ‘Blink and you’d miss it… Tirant never ever says sorry.’

‘Tonight we celebrate St Arwar.’ continued DeBlanc, ‘Patron saint of Screevers, Redsmiths, Primogenitors, Cogglers and Artificers.’

Everybody applauded. ‘So enjoy yourselves with happy song and merry dance.’ shouted DeBlanc, as the band started playing again. ‘TONIGHT WE PARTY LIKE IT’S 1899.’

‘Nate why don’t you go and dance with Lolly.’ said Daphne, pouring another large measure of brandy as DeBlanc returned from the stage.

‘You are off the hook.’ said Lolly. ‘Daddy has admitted you are innocent. Enjoy yourself tonight and let him worry about the dark forces that are enveloping this world.’

‘Alright. I know I should be thankful.’ I said, ‘But that means you don’t have to stay with me. I’m not under house arrest anymore.’

‘Ah, but perhaps I want to spend time with you.’ said Lolly, smiling as she checked her Venus Redstring watch. ‘Romance seems to be in the air tonight. Come along Nate. There’s Vicky and Wayne and Dwayne... Everybody’s up on the dance floor. Let’s Dance!’

Next Episode ‘Dance Robot Dance.’ released 10 December 2012.