Chapter Four

Aleksei’s reaction was beyond my comprehension. I was expecting a ruckus, packing his stuff ostentatiously, and slamming the door. I was even ready for him to fight back, strike me, for his offended beloved.

But he said, “I understand. You were trying to protect your love and your family.”

I couldn’t even get one word out, I was so shocked by this statement.

“Yes, of course, you’ve crossed the line. Knocking two teeth out was too much. Those, however, were prostheses, but done in a very expensive clinic. She is going to file a charge against you.”

I found my voice. “Well, she can try, if she wants the whole city to find out what I’ve slugged out her prostheses for. Anyway, let everyone know that she has a prosthesis instead of healthy teeth.” And then I started laughing. And then I began to cry.

My hysterical laughter, mixed with sorrow and tears added fuel to the fire. But I didn’t know that then.

Aleksei continued, “Marina said I had to give you a good thrashing, otherwise she would not stay with me. We were going to get married and move to Israel.”

“Go ahead, and don’t let the door hit you in the ass. And this applies to both of the planned actions.”

“You know I cannot. I’m afraid that if I beat you, I’ll kill you. I’m so much stronger than you. Though it didn’t give you pause, that you are stronger than Marina.”

“Am I stronger?”

I got up from the couch I was sitting on and approached the mirror. A cute, slim young woman looked from the other side. I flexed my arms, showing off my muscles. My arms were pretty skinny. I turned and looked at my profile over my shoulder. Then I dropped my arms.

“Hmm. You’re probably right. I am stronger.”

“But we have a son, and that’s the important thing right now. Count yourself fortunate. You have won back your happiness. I’ll stay with you.”

That was benevolence uncharacteristic of him. He finally recollected that he had a son. In addition, Aleksei looked grief-stricken. And I suddenly realized that I didn’t want him to stay with me. I wanted him to leave. Forever.

How could I get into bed with him, each time imagining that he had hugged and kissed this mouse? How would I continue to cook for him? How would I talk, look him in his eyes? How could I smile and pretend that nothing had happened? Instead, all I wanted was to feed him arsenic or cyanide.

Subconsciously, I felt that something was wrong. There was something so not typical of my husband in this exchange. But for the sake of my son, I tried to ignore any warning signals, to avoid breaking through to the resentment, my desecrated pride, and my broken heart.

There was no need, no desire to lie in the same bed with him. Whether he understood that I couldn’t, or did not want to, he didn’t make any attempt to get closer either. For me, life became almost unbearable, though now he came home on time. We politely talked to each other, but the atmosphere was extremely tense.

I felt a strange, almost tangible sense of an aculeate mass inside of me, as though an entire hive of wasps were in my chest that manifested whenever Aleksei came home. I felt that something would happen. Something was going to happen. Something terrible. What could I do to prevent this terrible something from happening? How? These were the questions that tormented my life now.

I had no one to ask.