Chapter Ten

The second half of April was particularly good because of its wonderful weather. Warm air, full of the delicious scent of flowering apricot and cherry trees, was tickling the nose, and increasing the content of adrenaline in the blood. I wanted to sing, dance, and enjoy life. I wanted to love. And it was not just me. Cats were screaming at night. Thank heaven I was not a cat, otherwise I would scream myself hoarse, I thought, and I laughed. But I was a human being and my system of self-regulation to fix myself up was working perfectly.

Self-regulation of mood became my primary target as soon as I got discharged from the hospital after the accident. I thought if the mere thought of a lemon could make salivary glands produce saliva, why not imagine yourself joyful, happy, and make your body produce those hormones responsible for good mood? It turned out you could! Of course, it didn’t happen by itself. I had to learn how to do that, and I worked hard to succeed. The development of these abilities took me about two years. But what a wonderful result. The technique of this phenomenon is described in the books of many doctors, psychologists, and even in some fiction.

One of these techniques I learned from my former classmate, whom I once visited after surviving the explosion and burns. Having settled down in one of the most favorite places of Ukrainian women, the kitchen, we made some tea and plunged into a passionate discussion about the meaning of life and how to make this life more happy. Nina, the name of my classmate, was an artist. Most such people had a creative and very delicate soul. There was a total collapse and disorder in the country, and such delicate sorts, such as my Nina, suffered from deep imbalances that prevailed in almost everything. I was not one with a delicate nature, but I also suffered. So we both were looking for a way to happiness, or at least some spiritual comfort, conversing with pleasure on how to learn to be happy.

Until recent times it was believed that genes, education, and training built up a character, while character affected one’s destiny. But then there began to appear different studies of scientists, doctors, and psychologists, which promoted the idea of Kozma Prutkov, Tolstoy’s character who always said, “If you want to be happy, be happy.”

Many philosophers and religious had already come to the conclusion that a thought is material. Now neuroscientists and physicists confirmed it. It turns out that we are able to create our own destiny. Or, at least, to dream, so that those dreams could be fulfilled. With a dream, a wish, or a prayer, which may create some sort of space in the cosmic ethers, which the universe rushes to fill in the shape of our thoughts.

One of the main conditions for fulfillment of one’s desires is to be happy. First be thankful for everything that surrounds you, and therefore you’ll be happy. And then you can dream and make plans for this dream to come true.

We were having a wonderful time over a cup of tea, discussing the questions of the universe, religion, pedagogy, and psychology, smoothly moving from one topic to another.

“Polina, I have an idea,” suddenly said Nina, with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. She was pretty sure in everything she was saying or doing, while I was still crammed with doubts and insecurities that any of these ethereal methods could work.

“What? You want me to make a wish, go into trance and fulfill it? I don’t mind! I laughed.

“Well, something like that. I need you to come up with a desire and write it down on this paper. And then, from time to time, just look at it.”

“Do I need to show it to you? Or anyone?”

“As you wish. Up to you. The main thing is that you truly want what you will write down now.”

After such a productive dialogue I went home in high spirits, with a note in my pocket and words written on it: “I want five thousand dollars.” Why five thousand you may ask. Well, I have no answer for that. Then I didn’t really care how much I wrote down, because, well, there was no chance to get such money anyway. And a sum of five thousand dollars was something unreal and magical in my head. But, believe me, I absolutely sincerely wanted it.

Opening the door to my apartment that night, I heard the phone ringing. For some reason, my heart started beating much faster than usual, so I reached the phone in one leap, and grabbed the receiver.

“Hello, dear!”

“Oh, Michael!”

Mike was calling to tell me that he was arriving in three days to see me again. He wanted to help me get an international passport so he could invite me to Alaska!

I slowly sat down on the sofa. May be I would not need to get hoarse from loneliness. The mood became even more joyous. Oh, my gosh. When we were talking with Nina, I just thought that it would be nice if Mike came over again. I didn’t say anything, but I thought it. Wow. Gratitude and love to the whole world covered me with warm soft waves. How beautiful this spring is! How wonderful it is to live! Why didn’t I feel it before? And why did I start understanding it only now?