Chapter Eight

 

 

 

Alex stretched out across the bed, totally relaxed, watching Kyle’s chest rise and fall evenly. They’d shared a round of mind-blowing BJs before Alex had fallen asleep, and when he’d awoken, he’d been happy to see Kyle napping as well. He’s starting to feel comfortable with me. Alex certainly felt at ease with him.

He’d known it was far too soon to bring up the ‘L’ word, but in the heat of the moment he’d tossed it out there. Kyle hadn’t freaked, so that was a plus. He’d grinned about it, another bonus. But Alex was smart enough to know that the things people said in bed sometimes changed once they put their pants on. He wasn’t going to pressure Kyle, because he wasn’t even sure if it was love. Yet after knowing him for just a few weeks, he could already tell this was a man he could be very interested in. But Kyle was skittish, and Alex needed to take things slow. Never been my strong suit. He’d work on it.

Kyle opened one eye. “Hey.”

“Hey there, handsome. Have a nice nap?”

He scrubbed his hands over his face. “Wasn’t sleeping. What are you talkin’ about?”

Alex smiled. “My mistake.”

Kyle ran a hand over Alex’s stomach. “You feelin’ better?”

“I feel much better. I think the…hydration was exactly what I needed.” He captured Kyle’s hand in his. “Thanks for taking care of me.”

A sultry chuckle. “My pleasure. Any time.”

The text notification sounded on Alex’s phone and he grabbed it off the nightstand. He read the text from Travis aloud. “Checking to make sure you’re okay, and to see if you and Kyle want to join us for dinner. Grilling chicken and corn on the cob. Just the family.” Alex looked at Kyle.

Kyle blinked. “What?”

He shook his phone. “That was a question. Or, should I say, an invitation.”

“Oh. Well, I’m not goin’, but you’re welcome to.”

Alex set the phone down. “You say that like I’m supposed to naturally assume you wouldn’t go.”

Kyle lay back and laced his fingers behind his head. “I figured you’d know that. We’ve talked about this before, Alex. Your friends are great, but that’s not my scene.”

“Not your scene,” Alex repeated dully. “That’s right. You wouldn’t want to be mistaken as part of a gay couple.”

“Your words, not mine.”

“But that’s what you meant, isn’t it?”

Kyle shrugged. “Nothin’s changed.”

Alex frowned. “You seemed fine with them at the ballpark.”

“I am fine with them. I like your friends. I just don’t want to double date.”

Frustration rumbled in his gut. “I think you don’t really want to date at all, single or double. You want to come here for sex and leave when you please. That’s pretty much it, right?”

Kyle leaned up on one elbow. “You say it like there’s somethin’ wrong with that.”

“Damn it, Kyle, can you be serious for one minute? We both know the sex is amazing, but beyond that—”

“Why do we have to go beyond that? Can’t we just enjoy spending time with each other?”

“Yeah, you bet. Excuse me while I hop in the shower. I’m going to my friends’ house for dinner. Leave some money on the nightstand.” He jumped out of bed and stomped into the bathroom.

“Alex.” Kyle’s tone was a mixture of amusement and irritation.

Alex cleaned up, determined to see which emotion won out when he returned. After showering he entered the bedroom with a towel around his hips. Kyle was gone. Irritation had prevailed.

He sighed and threw the towel at the hamper. So much for taking things slow. He wasn’t sure if he was angrier with himself or Kyle. He knew the man feared commitment, yet he continued to push the same buttons over and over. Dressing in jeans and a clean T-shirt, he then padded down the hall to forage for something to eat. Nothing had sounded good earlier, and now his stomach rumbled.

The smell of chicken wafted over him. He peered around the corner into the kitchen, surprised to see Kyle standing in front of the stove.

“Hey.” The handsome man’s smile still melted his heart.

“I thought you left. What are you doing?”

“Travis’ text made me hungry for chicken. I found some in your freezer, but I have to fry it really slow because it was frozen like a rock.”

“Hence the point of the freezer. What if I still planned to go to Travis’ for dinner?”

Kyle looked down. “In your bare feet?”

“I have shoes, you jackass.”

“Ah’ite, but you might want to stick around. I’m a damn good cook. Better when I’m not workin’ with frozen meat, but this’ll be good. You like mashed potatoes and gravy?”

“Who doesn’t?”

“No corn on the cob, but frozen corn. It’ll do. You hungry?”

“Starving.”

“Then eat a snack because this won’t be ready for at least an hour.”

Alex tried not to smile, but it was tough. He grabbed a bottle of water and sat at the kitchen counter. “Where’d you learn to cook?”

Kyle shrugged. “My dear, departed mama, I guess. Seems like I’ve always known how. Don’t you?”

“Some things. Fried chicken is a bit out of my wheelhouse.”

“It’s not so tough. I make some mean fajitas and a fucking spicy chili. That one takes the better part of a day.”

“Wow. Sounds amazing. And very suburban, which does not seem like you.”

Kyle blinked. “What? I raised a kid. Her mother and I both worked, so we shared cookin’ and other housekeepin’ duties.”

Alex sipped from his water bottle. “I get that. You’re different now, is all. Wary of the family lifestyle.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Okay.” Alex shrugged and knew it was time to stop pushing. He watched Kyle turn the chicken pieces and couldn’t resist making one more comment, because the thought was gnawing at him. “I guess it’s just me, then.”

With a distinct sigh, Kyle set down the tongs and folded his arms across his chest. “What?”

“You’re talking like you’re this big family man, but you’ve already told me you can’t wrap your head around the gay family scene. So it must be me.”

Kyle laughed. “Well, don’t you have big shoulders to take all my hang-ups and make them about you? It’s not you, Alex. Believe me. I like you. I like you a lot. Hey, I don’t fry chicken for just anybody.”

Alex smiled, feigning happiness that he didn’t really feel inside. “All right, then. I’ll let it go and just enjoy what looks like a fantastic meal.”

“Thank you.” They talked while Kyle finished cooking and, an hour later, served up food on the plates Alex had set out.

As they ate, conversation flowed and the subject came around to what was obviously one of Kyle’s favorite subjects, football. His eyes lit up. “Hey, I almost forgot to mention—Cinda got tickets to the Cowboys and Bears game next Sunday. You wanna go?”

Pleased to be invited, Alex smiled. “Sure. You know I’ll be wearing a Bears sweatshirt, right?”

“As long as you know mine’ll be Cowboys, and I’ll be yellin’ for them as loud as I can.”

“I guess I can handle that.”

Kyle lifted the meat platter. “How about another piece of chicken? You think you can handle that?”

“I know I can. This is really good. And after we eat, maybe I can show you something I’m really good at.” He shot the hunk a sultry wink.

Kyle’s chuckle was hearty, and a warm smile lit up his face. “Startin’ to feel full already.”

 

* * * *

 

Alex dressed warmly for the game at Soldier Field. The stadium sat lakefront and, like most of Chicago, was usually breezy in the fall. Excited for the afternoon, he took one last look in the mirror then sauntered out to the living room to wait for Kyle.

They’d spent two evenings together during the week, and Kyle had stayed over the last two nights. Alex had invited him to stay each night, but when Kyle had to work he preferred to wake up at his place. Alex hadn’t pushed, just tried to be patient and give him some space. It seemed like time was the key element to making Kyle feel comfortable enough to stick around.

Their date today was a definite step in the right direction. He was looking forward to going out in public together. When the silver truck turned into his driveway, he bounced out of the door with a spring in his step. He came to a full stop when he saw Cinda in the front seat next to Kyle. He opened the door and tried to plaster a smile on his face. “Hey.”

“Hey, Alex.” Kyle smiled at him warmly.

Cinda smiled then scrunched up her face. “Bears, really? Weren’t you warned this is a Dallas Cowboy’s vehicle?”

“Chicago born and raised, what can I say? I hope you were warned that you’re going to be outnumbered there today.”

“Pretty much figured.” She grinned. “Well, climb in. We won’t hold your affiliation against you.”

Alex crawled in next to her and fastened his seatbelt, his mind racing to recall the conversation of last weekend. Cinda got tickets to the Cowboys and Bears game next Sunday. You wanna go? He hadn’t specifically said if she was going or not going, Alex had just assumed she wasn’t. He’d also assumed it was a date. I assumed wrong. “Supposed to be a good game.”

“We’ll see if you still feel that way when it’s over.” Kyle grinned at him. He drove to the stadium and pulled into the line of cars waiting to enter. Twenty minutes later he’d parked and they were walking in a direction Alex wasn’t familiar with.

“Where are our seats?”

“Cinda rented an executive suite. The elevators are this way. I’ve only been here a couple of times but I remember where to go.”

“An executive suite?” Alex blinked. “Holy shit, those things are expensive. I reserved one, once, for a client. Even with Roger’s connections, it was pricey.”

She leaned into Alex as they walked. “It was outrageous, but it was the best birthday present I could think of. I guess he’s worth it.” She grinned at Kyle teasingly.

“Birthday?” Alex repeated, surprised. “When’s your birthday?”

Kyle waved a hand. “Not for another week, but Cinda couldn’t get the Bears and Cowboys to rearrange their schedule for little ol’ me. Though I expect she pro’lly tried.”

“Of course I did, sugar. I called Jason and he just laughed.”

Alex glanced at each of them. “Jason?”

Kyle smiled. “Garrett. The head coach of the Cowboys.”

“She didn’t really call him?”

His grin widening, Kyle shrugged. “Who knows? Here we go.”

They rode the elevator up to their suite and Kyle immediately started greeting other guests. Alex was left to wander around, checking out the food and the excellent view from the expensive seats. People continued to arrive and by the time the game started, all twenty of the chairs were filled.

Pounding back Scotch, Kyle was tipsy by kickoff. He seemed to be having a great time, surrounded by people he worked with and friends Alex didn’t know. He and Cinda laughed and socialized, eventually taking their seats in the front when the Cowboys took the lead with an early score.

Alex sat in the back with a friendly young couple, the only ones who’d spoken to him. Not normally shy, he’d tried to join in the conversation and had been drowned out each time. As the drinks flowed, the group grew increasingly rowdy.

It was halftime before he could even get close enough to Kyle to speak to him. “Hey.”

“Havin’ fun?” Kyle’s face was flushed.

Alex guessed it was a combination of alcohol and the excitement of a Cowboys lead. “Yeah, totally. But I just got a call from a client and I need to leave. I’m sorry. I’ll catch an Uber.”

“You can’t go!” Kyle exclaimed.

Alex lowered his voice. “You won’t even miss me. Enjoy your party, looks like your Cowboys are going to give you a birthday win.”

His nod was exaggerated. “Pro’lly cause Cinda called Jason.”

“I’m sure that’s why. So have fun and be safe. Make sure someone drives you home, okay?”

Kyle grinned. “Ah’ite. I can’t drive.”

“No, you can’t. If no one else can, then you need to call for a ride, too. Right?”

Pulling keys from his pocket, Kyle handed them over. “Take my truck.” He leaned in and looked Alex in the eye. “Unless you’re drunk, too.”

“I’m not.”

He pressed the keys into Alex’s palm. “Then you drive, and I’ll catch a ride to your place after the game. That work for you?” He winked.

“Sure.” You’ll pass out the minute you see the bed. But the driving arrangements were sensible. “I’ll see you later. Be careful.”

“You be careful,” Kyle replied, waving a glass at him. “I love my truck.”

Of course you do. Alex was less than thrilled to be held in lower esteem than the Silverado, but he kept that thought to himself. “I will.” Searching for Cinda to inform her of the plan, he finally spotted her and approached, dangling the keys. “I have to go meet a client. Kyle said to take his truck and you all would catch a ride.”

She nodded. “Good idea. He doesn’t need to be driving in the condition he’s in.”

“Exactly. Thanks for the ticket. Sorry I have to cut out early.”

“Me too, sugar. Take care.” She returned to the other guests.

Alex headed for the elevator.

At home, he parked Kyle’s truck in the driveway and went in, peeling out of his sweatshirt. The whole day had been a disappointment and now he had an inebriated Kyle to look forward to. He might not be alone. If Cinda was with him, she was ballsy enough to invite herself in to stay a while.

Alex sighed and flopped into the recliner. Irritation warred with frustration and a myriad of other emotions. He eventually dozed off, and woke to the sound of a car door slamming in his driveway.

He went to the window and saw Kyle climb from a black Lincoln, wave at the driver and head to the front door.

Alex opened the door. “Some fancy Uber.”

Kyle smiled. “Nah, that was Chuck, one of the supervisors at work.”

“You sound almost normal.” Alex stepped aside to let him in.

“You were expectin’ me to be abnormal?” Kyle entered and, as soon as the door was shut, pulled Alex into his arms and pressed their hips together.

“I expected you to be plastered, judging by your drinking in the first half.”

Kyle leaned in and nipped his neck. “Why do you insist on judgin’ me? I had a few drinks. I wasn’t drivin’. I was safe and not that fucking obnoxious, I didn’t think.”

Alex tilted his head for better access to his neck. “I’m not judging you, and I didn’t say you were obnoxious. It just wasn’t quite what I had expected for today when you invited me to the game. My mistake.”

Kyle pulled back and sighed. “No, it sounds like it was my mistake, again. I can’t do much right with you, can I?”

Alex pointed to his neck. “You can keep doing that. That felt pretty right.”

Kyle grinned. “Exactly the reason I stopped drinkin’ in the second half. Because I knew I was comin’ here.”

Alex sighed. Just another booty call. Disgusted with Kyle and unhappy with himself, he reluctantly pressed Kyle’s shoulders away. “It’d be so easy to take you to the bedroom and continue this…this…whatever it is. I can’t do that. I’d be a total hypocrite.”

Surprise registered on Kyle’s face. “What the devil are you talkin’ about?”

Pulling away to pace back and forth, Alex chose his words carefully. “I was irritated with you for the way today ended up. And damned angry with myself.”

“You had a client. I get that.”

He shook his head. “I didn’t have a client. I also didn’t have a date, which was what I thought today was. It turned out to be a party with twenty of your closest friends.”

“For my fuckin’ birthday. I told you that. And for the record, Counselor, I never said it was a date. Pretty sure I’ve told you more than once that I don’t want to date anyone. I can’t believe we’re goin’ over this again.”

“You know what? You’re right. You’ve told me over and over but I just didn’t want to hear it. I’m finally getting the message.”

Kyle sighed. “Alex, don’t do this.”

“I have to. I care about you, Kyle, but I don’t like myself when I’m with you. Jesus, listen to me! I used to be a confident, self-assured guy. I’ve turned into a whiney, annoying shrew and that’s not who I am.”

“You are bein’ ridiculous.”

“Thank you for validating my concerns. I feel ridiculous, like a school girl waiting around for her boyfriend to call. Except I don’t have a boyfriend. I have a male acquaintance who makes booty calls at his discretion, his desire and at his whim.”

Kyle’s face reddened and he rubbed his temples. “I’m really not in the mood for this.”

Alex stepped over to the door and rested his hand on the knob. “Well, I’m not in the mood for anything else, so maybe we should call it a day.”

“Ah’ite. Maybe we should.”

He opened the door. “See ya.”

Kyle shot him a look and, without saying another word, walked out.

 

* * * *

 

The next morning, Kyle poured a cup of coffee and carried it to his desk. He sat and glanced up when the door opened and Cinda came in.

She smiled brightly. “Good morning. Oh, my, it doesn’t seem like you slept much. Is that your first cup of coffee?”

He snorted. “First pot, maybe. Lost count of the cups. I didn’t sleep worth a shit.”

After pouring herself a cup, she sat in her chair and swiveled it to face him. “I’m sorry. I thought you had fun at the game. Did something happen?”

“The game was great. Thanks again for that. Nah, it was nothin’.”

Sipping her drink, she then set it down and faced him. “Relationship problems?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’d need a relationship to have relationship problems.”

Cinda gazed at him for a moment, then slapped her palms on her thighs. “Okay, mister, it’s time for you to come clean. You think you’ve been so secretive all these years, but I have eyes and I’m smarter than I must look.”

A cold chill shot through him and he tried to ignore it. He gazed at her carefully. “Ah’ite. What the hell is that s’pposed to mean?”

“It’s the twenty-first century, Kyle. A person’s sexuality doesn’t matter these days, especially to me. I would have thought you’d know that.”

His mind raced as he took a drink then slowly set his cup down. “Aw, hell, Lucinda. I do know that about you. I also know that it still matters to some people. I don’t give a damn what century it is.”

“Your father is gone, Kyle.”

He blinked. “Excuse me?”

She waved a hand. “Look, Syd told me some stuff about your daddy and it gave me a pretty clear picture of who you are today, and why.”

He allowed a grin to spread across his face. “You’re full of shit, you know that?”

Cinda frowned. “Stop it. Be serious with me for one minute, will you?”

His smile faded. “I’d rather not. The territory you’re wadin’ into is none of your business, friend or not.”

She stood and stomped over to him, poking her finger at his shoulder. “I don’t give a flying fuck what you think. I’m gonna say what needs to be said. I’ve seen you sneaking around with men for a while now and, honestly, I was terrified for you. Reckless behavior like that is dangerous for anyone, but especially for men having sex with one another. When Alex told me he was gay, I put a bug in his ear that he might have a shot with you.”

His gut churning, Kyle tried to interrupt but she covered his mouth with her hand.

“Shush. You just sit there and listen to me. He’s a good catch, Kyle. He’s handsome and smart and funny, and I see the way you two look at each other. Don’t even try to lie to me and say I’m making that up because I know I’m not. As sure as I’m standing here, I know there’s something between the two of you.”

He wanted to respond but her hand was still firmly over his mouth. He rolled his eyes at her accordingly.

She set her jaw. “You going to tell me the truth?”

Kyle squinted, hoping to convey anger.

“Aw, shut it. When you’re ready to be honest with me—and yourself—I’ll let you talk.”

Unsure how to respond, Kyle finally nodded. Cinda was right. He could use someone to talk to, and she obviously knew more than he’d ever realized.

She removed her hand. “Truth.”

“Ah’ite,” he snapped, then tried to calm himself. “Alex and I have been seein’ each other. He’s a good guy, but it’s never gonna amount to more than just a good time.”

Cinda’s face softened and she sat on the edge of his desk. “Why not?”

“Jesus, he’s got this image in his mind that’s so unrealistic. I know what it’s from. He has these friends, two fellas who got married and adopted a couple kids.”

“That’s sweet.”

Kyle winced. “Maybe, but it’s not me. I can’t see myself as part of a couple like that.”

“That’s ridiculous. So, what, you just want sex with no strings? Sounds like you were better off with hookers.”

He rolled his eyes again. “Hustlers.”

“Excuse me?”

“They’re called hustlers when they’re men. I don’t wanna go back to that. I like Alex. He’s everythin’ you said he was—smart, funny and sexy as hell. Especially the tats.”

Her eyes lit up. “What tats? He has tattoos?”

Kyle grinned. “Does he ever. Seventy-seven to be exact, though I haven’t counted them myself because some of them run together. They’re all over his arms, legs and torso.”

Cinda hooted. “Are you kidding me? Are they on his—?”

“No! And that’s all I intend to say about that.”

She laughed again. “That’s very sexy. I’d like to see them someday. I can’t believe you don’t even get a hint of them when he’s wearing a suit.”

“That’s the way he wants it. His friend is a doctor, and he’s got more tattoos than Alex, or so I’m told. Another friend is a teacher, with just as much ink. I haven’t met him.”

“Holy smokes! They have a club.” She waggled her eyebrows. “Are you going to get some tattoos?”

“No!” He’d never actually considered it. “I don’t think so.”

Still chuckling, she teased, “You should. I still think they sound very sexy.”

“They are,” Kyle agreed. “But pro’lly not for me.”

She shrugged. “So you’re not domestic. Big deal.”

“That’s what I thought. Apparently, it is a big deal to him.”

“What did he say?”

“Pretty much what you just said. He didn’t like the fact that I paid for sex. Made me get a blood test and all that.”

“Good. That’s important.”

He waved a hand. “I’m ah’ite. Like I said, I like him well enough, but I don’t see myself as part of a couple.”

“You and Kel were a couple for twenty years.”

He shot her a look. “You know what I mean.”

“Part of a gay couple.”

Kyle didn’t respond.

Cinda gazed at the ceiling thoughtfully, then back at him. “You have a couple of options, here. First one is to quit stringing him along and move on. Find a guy who hates puppies and children as much as you do.”

He swatted her jean-clad leg. “I don’t hate puppies and children. I have one of each, if you recall.”

“Yeah, in Texas where you never have to see them!”

“Good point. What’s my other option?”

She leaned in. “Open up your heart a little bit. I mean, come on! You don’t have to marry the guy, even though it is legal now. But would it kill you to treat him better than the guy you pay twenty bucks to? It is twenty, isn’t it? I hope you didn’t have to pay more than that.”

Kyle rolled his chair back and stood. “Ah’ite. This conversation is over.”

“Think about what I said.”

He chuckled. “Oh, I will. It’s under advisement.”

Cinda rose. “I like Alex. You two are cute together, and I believe you’re well suited. Talk to him. Tell him about your past.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Think again. Open your heart and see what happens.” She feigned a scowl. “Stop being such an ass.”

“That’s like tellin’ me not to breathe. Easier said than done.”

“Just decide if he’s worth it. If it’s meant to be, you’ll figure it out.” She returned to her desk, picked up her cup and went to top off her coffee.

“Cinda?”

“Yes?”

Kyle allowed a small smile. “Thank you.”

“Any time, sugar. You deserve to be happy. You know, if you hadn’t decided to play for the other team, you and I’d be having a whole different conversation right now.” She winked.

He laughed. “Oh, I know it. The thought of that’s pro’lly what scared me over to the other team.”

Her phone rang and she glanced at it before looking at him. “Saved by the bell.”

“Get back to work,” he muttered gruffly. “I’m off to find some aspirin.”

“Top shelf above the coffee pot.” She turned away and answered her cell.

Kyle watched her thoughtfully. I should have asked her how long she’s known. It didn’t matter. She knew, and she didn’t care. Would other people feel that way? Would Kassi? Kelly would have a fit, he knew that much. Her opinion didn’t matter as much as his daughter’s. That was a serious concern.

His head throbbed and he headed for the aspirin.

 

* * * *

 

When Kyle left work that evening, his gut rumbled, but not from hunger. He needed to see Alex and talk to him. He didn’t call first, just drove there and hoped Alex was home.

On the front porch, Kyle rang the bell and waited.

Alex answered, still in his suit, collar open and tie hanging loose around his neck.

Kyle’s heart thudded. Damn, he looks good. “Hey,” he said simply.

“Hello,” Alex replied dully, making no move to step aside.

“We need to talk. Can I come in?”

“I’m not sure what we have to talk about. We stand on different sides of this issue, and frankly I’m tired of arguing about it.”

“It’s not an ‘issue’, it’s a relationship. And I’m not here to argue. I guess I’d like to explain a few things.”

Alex raised his eyebrows. “A relationship? Oh, that’s rich. I didn’t know ‘fuck buddies’ and ‘relationship’ were interchangeable.”

Kyle couldn’t help but grin. “Fuck buddies? Are you kidding me? You’re a man of words, you couldn’t come up with a classier term than that?”

Alex didn’t crack a smile. “There’s nothing classy about what’s going on between us. And stop grinning. Look at this face. Do you think that I think this is funny?”

“It’s a little funny. Come on, Alex. Lighten up and let’s talk. I pro’lly owe you an apology, but I’d like to tell you some things, first.”

Another long, hard stare before Alex stepped back and motioned for him to enter.

Kyle exhaled a sigh of relief under his breath. He was through the door. It was a start.

Alex picked up a beer bottle from the coffee table. “You want one?”

“God, no!” Kyle forced a shudder.

Alex chuckled. “No hair of the dog?”

“Not for a few days at least. I drank too much yesterday, and that’s a good place to start. I’m sorry about the misunderstandin’. I knew how many people would be there and I should have been clearer.”

“It would have been nice. I thought we’d be alone. But that idea scares the piss out of you, doesn’t it? Being alone in public with me?”

“Of course not.”

Alex took a swig of beer then shook a finger at him. “You were worried people would see us together yesterday. That’s why you steered clear of me and started in on the heavy drinking.”

“I didn’t steer clear, I was right there.”

Alex made a face. “You left me in a crowd where I knew a total of two people. Both of you were laughing and chatting it up. I didn’t really fit in. I’ve been thinking about it and I still can’t figure out why you even invited me.”

“I wanted you there.”

“You didn’t talk to me once we arrived, so why don’t you try again, and be honest this time?”

“Ah’ite, so maybe I invited you to get you off my back. You wanted me to take you out, and I guess I thought I was doin’ that.”

“You trying to convince me or yourself? It was embarrassing, Kyle. I felt mortified and humiliated when you didn’t acknowledge my presence.” He took another drink then shook his head. “And there I go, whining again. I hate sounding so pitiful. I’ve never needed my hand held. You seem to bring out the worst in me.”

“Stop that,” Kyle snapped. “Don’t say things like that, and quit talkin’ about how you don’t like yourself when you’re with me. If you’re trying to make me feel like shit you succeeded.”

“Of course I’m not trying to do that, I was just telling you honestly how I felt. When we went to the game I expected to spend time with you, not watch you spend time with everyone else. Do you get that?”

Guilt crept over him. “I didn’t think about it at the time, but I do get it. We made you feel about as welcome as a skunk at a lawn party. I’m sorry.”

Alex smiled then shrugged. “It happened, but it’s over.” He dropped onto the sofa and tossed back the last of his beer.

Kyle sat opposite him, leaning forward in the chair. “I’m not trying to make excuses, but there’s something I want you to know. I grew up in a small town called Paradise, Texas. My daddy was the sheriff, and he was one formidable su’m bitch. The year I turned thirteen, he caught me foolin’ around with my best friend, Gene. Nothin’ had happened at that point, but we were close.”

Alex blinked. “Wow. How did he handle that?”

Kyle chuckled bitterly. “About as bad as you’d expect. I got the beatin’ of my life with his leather belt and was sent to a summer Bible Camp. When I got back I discovered that my friend and his family had moved out of town. Not sure how much the sheriff had to do with that, but I suspected. I never talked to Gene again, and the brainwashing worked. I didn’t look at another guy for many years. I went on to date the ladies, marry Kelly and have a kid like a real man would.”

Alex frowned. “I’m sorry, Kyle.”

He shrugged this time. “Like you said, it happened, but it’s over. I can still hear my ol’ man’s voice in my head, though, telling me what real men do and don’t do.”

“Well, shit. That sucks. Is he still around?”

“He died five years ago. It was rough, but in some ways liberating. I didn’t have to pretend once he was gone. Unfortunately, it’s harder to break old habits than I thought it would be. I’ve come a long way, but obviously still have further to go.”

“Thanks for telling me.” Alex seemed thoughtful.

“I thought you should know.” That sounds better than Cinda thought you should know. He cleared his throat. “What about you? How did your folks take your coming out?”

“How’d they take it?”

“Yeah, you know, what did they say?”

He scratched his head. “I can’t remember exactly, something like, ‘Okay. What do you want for supper?’”

Kyle smiled. “It was a non-issue.”

“It was a non-issue,” Alex agreed with emphasis. “Still is. To this day, my mom gets me a Hot Firefighters of Chicago calendar every year for Christmas.” He grinned. “You can’t be timid when you meet my mom. She smells blood in the water and feeds on it. Loves to tease the hell out of me and my friends. Trav will back me up on that one.”

“Trav.” Kyle couldn’t help but scoff. He shouldn’t feel jealous of Alex’s ex-lover but he did anyway.

Alex’s eyes flashed. “Don’t say a word about my friendship with Travis. You have a past and so do I. The only thing you need to know is that we eventually decided we were better as friends than as lovers. He’s head over heels crazy about Sam and I’m happy as hell for both of them.”

Kyle nodded. “I can see that. I don’t like to think about you with anyone else, is all.”

“Oh, like I do? Who should I be more jealous of, the wife you fucked for twenty years or the hustlers you picked up regularly on the south side, ever since you’ve been in Chicago? Probably before that, if you’re being honest. Were there hustlers in Dallas, Kyle?”

More guilt flooded him and Kyle glanced down.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Look, we’re not kids. We both come with some baggage. Yours feels a little heavier than mine, but if I’m willing to accept it—”

“That’s ’cause I’m old, remember?”

“Bullshit. Forty-four is not old. I’ve told you that before.”

“I’ll be forty-five in less than a week. And the both of us seem to have trouble remembering things the other one has told him.”

Alex gazed at him levelly. “So, we going to work on that, or what?”

Kyle nodded. “But I have to tell you, Kassi’s the only family I have left, and her opinion matters to me a great deal.”

“I get that. Kids today are more accepting, I think. She won’t have a problem with us, will she?”

“She’s pretty liberal, but this is a horse of a different color. Might hit a little too close to home for her. I don’t know.”

“We’ll cross that bridge together. Kassi will come around if she sees you’re happy.” Alex sighed. “I’m sorry you had homophobia beaten into you at an early age. The best thing you can do is to put it behind you and live the life you want. You can’t change the past, but you can definitely change the future.”

Kyle smiled. “Wow, that’s profound.”

“I know, right? I’ve won a case or two in my time. I’ve never gone up against someone like you, though.”

“I told you my story because I’d like us to be on the same side, rather than goin’ up against one another. Even if that does sound dirty and kinda fun.”

Alex laughed. “I’m always down for some good, dirty fun. But we have to agree that we’re working toward something, not just fucking around.”

Kyle started to speak but Alex cut him off.

“I’m not saying immediately, because I get that you need some time. But if we’re going to do this, I want us to truly be in a relationship. And eventually that’ll mean going out together to eat, or ballgames, or a walk or a drive.”

“Ah’ite, I think I could do that. I gotta tell you, though, I don’t see myself havin’ more kids. So, if that’s your heart’s desire, we need to get it out in the open right now.”

“I don’t need children. My mom might disagree, but I can see her latching on to Kassi and spoiling the hell out of her and any kids she might have.”

Kyle chuckled. “Knowing Kass, she won’t have an issue with that. Girl never had trouble lettin’ anyone spoil her. All that’s provided she doesn’t have a problem with us.” He rubbed his temples. “God damn, I’m gettin’ another headache.”

Alex patted the sofa next to him. “Come over here and let me help with that.”

Kyle’s heart fluttered as he slid onto the couch next to Alex, and into his arms.

Alex gathered him in and pressed a kiss to Kyle’s temple. “Don’t you know by now? You are my heart’s desire.”