This is not his town; this is his father’s town. This is not coming home. He did that when he moved back to the Weald, where two counties meet in hills and valleys, in a hinterland of hop bine and tractor track, white weatherboard cottage and oast house, fruit field and orchard. That morning when he walked the dog, with woodsmoke forming halos above the dwellings, the countryside of his childhood seemed primitive to him – with no tarmac, no pylon, no telephone mast visible at all. Walking brings back memories. He likes to potter into the past and nip into the future, the way the dog moves, a waggy-tailed waverer on the scent of something good and aware too of other pleasures all about.
When they went over the stile on to the newly ploughed field, the dog ran at its centre and rooks took to the skies vexed and carping and cawing, circling in a posse. It was March, but winter presided despite the farmer’s efforts to kick-start spring. The field reeked of manure, and Nick had a flashback of his brother Dave squatting on the white seat of Nick’s new Raleigh bicycle, bought for him for getting the scholarship to private school, as he wheeled him home.
‘Don’t tell Mum, right? You won’t tell Mum, will you?’
And the first thing he’d said, bursting through the kitchen door: ‘Dave’s shat himself, Mum! He’s got it all down his legs!’ All sorts of betrayals, he’d thought sadly, remembering his brother’s face, all sorts of betrayals to get ahead. An elder brother is always on the make. His little brother was dismayed, on the other hand, if he got anything at Nick’s expense. Whether it was merely a good stout stick or a brand-new toy, Dave would look at it, then look at Nick. ‘We could share it,’ he’d say, ‘or you could just have it.’
Before Christmas, his only contact at all with his mother and father was through his brother.
‘They’ve not spoken in ages. Donkey’s years,’ Astrid says in company and he lets it pass, nods it on its way, this shorthand, this convenience, and gets in the next round. But there is no nonchalance, never mind the number of years. Poor put-upon Dave has been duty-bound to all parties to pass unkindness back and forth; and he’s done so, too good-natured to be good. The hurt is thus still keen.
‘God almighty,’ Nick says to Astrid now, peeping at his father’s house, humorous and rueful, ‘I did mention to you that my father was a touch working class, didn’t I?’
‘Perchance’ is the name painted on to a cross section of a log, varnished and tacked to the guttering over the front door of the bungalow. The front garden is concrete. The other houses have two-foot-high walls for decency’s sake but his has been demolished. Weeds have sprung up in the cracks of the forecourt. There’s a lean-to shelter outside the bungalow with a corrugated yellow plastic roof and under it is a tall set of shelves stacked with various plastic bottles, some with their heads cut off: cooking oil, window cleaner, plant food. There is a decrepit Christmas tree in a pot, and an old Queen Anne wing-backed chair bearing a large string bag of onions.
They sit there with the engine running. She turns the bracelets on her wrist. ‘Grim,’ she says lightly.