You can probably think of at least one thing you’re doing right now where you’re not really sure why you’re doing it. It makes you feel a little heavy, irked, committed—and yet it’s still pending in your mind as a Thing to Be Done. Let me ask: is it really necessary that you do this thing?
Of course, there are certain choices you have to make due to loyalty, professionalism, and your own value system. It’s not always about you and what you want, and paying attention to the grander scheme of things or the greater good is vital. But if any of your “shoulds” today cause the slightest sense of dread, pay close attention, and then pick one thing to let go of.
Try this little experiment: write down every moment this week where you said yes and later felt regretful. Be specific and honest with yourself about the reason(s) why; don’t worry about any judgment or what you might do next. Just think about why you said yes. If it helps, try to frame it as an either/or question to be answered: did I want her to view me as the type of friend who is game for drinks on a weeknight, or did I truly want to see her and reconnect? It’s okay if your answers feel a little icky or embarrassing or surprising. Until you can articulate what creeps into your psyche and pushes you to say yes out of ego or obligation or fear, you won’t be able to discern the difference between when you want to do something and when you feel like you should.
You aren’t doing anyone any favors by crowning yourself a “yes” martyr. If you feel like your day is filled with “shoulds” instead of things you truly want to do, then it’s time to start trimming the fat.