On my Cleaning the Bathroom Toilet scorecard, I’ve got about a hundred marks and my husband has, I don’t know, maybe one? At least that’s how it feels. And every time I notice the toilet needs to be cleaned, I think about how I’m typically the one who cleans it. Sometimes I’ll make little funny-but-not-really comments to him, like “Wow, this bathroom is so filthy; how can you be in here without noticing?” Just to see if he’ll magically offer, in that exact moment, to grab the bleach wipes and go to town. (Update: hasn’t happened yet.) Sometimes I’ll avoid cleaning for as long as possible, in a silent battle of will-he-or-won’t-he. (Update: he won’t, and I’m the only one who cares.) Eventually I get to a point where I clean the freaking bathroom because…whatever. He does plenty of stuff around the house that I don’t do and don’t care about, like taking the trash out and fixing our Internet every time it breaks.
You can keep score for as long as you like, but at some point you’ll be sick of it, or at least sick of thinking about it. No matter who the relationship is with, sooner or later you arrive at a crossroads of “Do I care about this anymore?” If yes, keep fighting that battle. But my advice, generally speaking, is to wipe the slate clean regarding minor issues. For a day, just let go of the little things that you keep tallying as evidence of who does more. Stop keeping score in your own head, and imagine that you’re starting over with grace and goodwill.