I once fell in love with someone, and our on-again, off-again relationship seemed equal parts struggle and passion. When we weren’t trying to be together, we dated other people—sometimes seriously, sometimes not—which led to a whole host of complicated emotions. After a particularly fraught decision to take a break (his choice, not mine), I remember seeing him walk down the street with a woman we both worked with who he swore up and down was “just a friend.” You can imagine where this is going: long story short, all that time they weren’t “just friends,” and I didn’t learn the truth until many years later.
This man and I hurt each other in so many ways. But that very specific detail, that image of the two of them walking closely, stuck with me for an exceptionally long time as something I couldn’t forgive, couldn’t get over—even as our story eventually ended, and after we both moved on to happier and healthier relationships. And holding onto that righteous resentment did me exactly zero favors.
That’s why forgiveness matters. Without it, you’re floundering under the thumb of pain and bitterness, and nobody stays hurt except you. I certainly can’t speak for everyone, but in my opinion, the act of forgiving ranks as one of the most challenging decisions a person can make; it requires an acceptance of the past, a realization of what you can’t change or control, and a dedication to moving forward, even if you never forget the thing that happened to you. But when you practice forgiveness, with yourself or another person, you also find freedom.