When it was time to walk down the aisle at my wedding, my grandparents were nowhere to be found, until a friend hustled them to my side. During the reception I could barely find my grandma, as she mostly flitted around complaining to family members about the heat of the September evening. My grandpa said one thing to me—that I should “cover up a little” based on the V-neck cut of my gown.
It’s not like I had a historically negative relationship with my grandparents, either—we typically got along well. But for whatever reason that year, they dropped the ball and didn’t show up for me in the way I expected. I loved them with all my heart, and they not only pissed me off but also completely disappointed me. I remember how mad and hurt I felt at their behavior, and those emotions sunk their claws into my heart and directly impacted our relationship. Then one day it mattered a little less. And a little less. And a little less. And I finally chose to forgive them—not because I didn’t care about the way they acted, but because it didn’t feel worth holding onto anymore.
Think about someone who hurt you, and consider what it would be like to forgive that person. Tell him in person or in an email, a phone call, or a text. Or merely practice forgiving the person over and over again, until you start to let it go. I know forgiveness is not easy. But ultimately I’ve learned you can’t control other people; you can only control how you react to them.
TRY THIS
Actively think of one person you need to forgive; this may be someone in your present or from your past, a stranger or a loved one. Write down the person’s name on a piece of paper, along with what she did to harm you. Say out loud, “I forgive you,” and take a deep breath. Do this a couple of times, and then burn, tear up, or throw away the paper as an act of letting go.