In our neighborhood we’re surrounded by several couples who have lived on the same block for years and years. They know each other well, and they’re quite a bit older than us. When we moved into our house, they welcomed us with open arms, and we soon learned that they love to socialize: games, dinner outings, holiday celebrations, and most regularly, Friday porch nights, where someone puts up a flag and everybody comes over for a beer, snacks, and some end-of-week chitchat. The first couple of times we went, it was nice. And then I started to resent going every Friday. Fridays are my time! I whined to myself. I’ve worked hard all week, I’m tired, I just want to chill at home with my family, I don’t feel like socializing with a bunch of people who aren’t in my inner circle, etc. Every week when I saw the flag, the exasperation bubbled about going over there, even though nobody was forcing me to.
During one particular episode, I managed to hit the brakes on my thoughts for a second. Why am I so worked up over this? I thought, genuinely curious. Who cares if they want to hang out every Friday? If I want to go, I’ll go, and if not, no big deal. Why is this making me so mad? Why indeed. Upon a little more introspection, I realized it had nothing to do with them (shocker). My irritation belied guilt: I felt bad when I didn’t go over there, as though it made me look like a “bad” neighbor, and I felt conflicted between wanting to seem like a “good” neighbor and also really valuing my chill time at home on Friday nights. After observing my reactions for weeks on end, I finally figured out why I got all out of shape about something so small, and it helped me shift out of a completely unnecessary funk.
The next time you find yourself overanxious, overly frustrated, or overly emotional about a person or a situation, observe your reactions and invite some curiosity around whatever emotions come up.