You ever notice how some dogs look like their owners? Sadahiko Nakajima, a psychologist who studies the resemblance between dogs and owners, says it’s due to something called the “exposure effect”: we prefer what feels familiar, so people tend to choose pets that look similar to them. This happens in other relationships too—if you’ve been with someone for a long time, a romantic partner or a friend, then occasionally you start to morph into each other, like an amalgam of personality. It can be sweet and reassuring, the sense of a collective “we” based on a constellation of years of experiences, but it can also backfire when you forget how to be your own person with individual needs, wants, desires, likes, fears, and goals.
My husband and I love spending time together, and I view him as one of the easiest people in my life to be around, all things considered. That doesn’t mean I want to hang out with him 24/7, though, and when we start to be a little too attached at the hip, our relationship actually suffers. Having our respective hobbies and interests, weekend trips apart, favorite shows, and so on keeps life interesting. The same is true for many of my friends—it’s cool to share an appreciation for iced coffee and travel and literature, but I also value learning from each friend based on our many differences.
This challenge either will help you carve out your own identity, if it’s gotten a bit lost in the shuffle of your relationships, or will remind you of the benefits of preserving your own singular self.