Between living in the Midwest and growing up Catholic, humility unsurprisingly became part of my DNA. I had internalized “rules” like these: don’t brag, be polite and quiet, don’t show off, say thank you, smile and nod, find your place in the background, don’t expect too much…along with the assumption that good girls excel while following all these conditions. You know—be smart but not conceited, be funny but not over-the-top, be attractive but don’t ask for attention, and so on. Nobody, of course, can truly win this preestablished cultural and societal game—and even those who try end up skewered in some fashion—but it’s ridiculously hard to detach yourself too. It took me an awfully long time to realize the power of owning my strengths, skills, and talents. It took me even longer to understand that I could be bold, brave, complex, assertive, and unashamed without losing qualities that mattered to me, like grace and respect.
You can own what you’re good at and still believe there’s more room to learn and grow. You can be confident at work, and still stay open to change. And you don’t have to be humble in the traditional sense if it prevents you from harnessing your own fortitude, energy, and power. Here’s how.