When I first started teaching yoga classes at a studio, it was common practice for more experienced instructors to attend and then provide feedback afterward. After class one day, one of my mentors who had attended asked if we could chat for a minute. My stomach sank a little bit, but I nodded. He then asked that I hold my responses until he finished, and really listen to what he had to say instead of immediately jumping in with my reaction or opinion. I said yes, thinking that sounded like no big deal. But the second he started talking, I wanted, more than anything, to interrupt, defend, and explain. Although I thought I would have the wherewithal to hold steady, it turns out my default reaction was to rationalize—big-time. My ego desperately wanted to describe why I made every single decision of that class, and I had to take deep breaths to wait out his words.
That experience illustrated the fact that I wasn’t actually very good at receiving feedback. Like, at all. I’ve spent years working on this quality, and even now I still have to hold my tongue and mentally tell myself to pause and listen before allowing my brain to race ahead with assumptions and reactions. I also usually need to take some space from a feedback conversation in order to let what someone else is trying to tell me fully settle in.
Lots of people like to think they’re good at reacting to feedback, but let’s be real: we’re not. We get defensive, we feel pissed off, we turn into stone, we lash out, we rationalize, and so on. Very few of us welcome feedback with open arms and a big smile, at least not at first. Today think back on a time you received feedback, and be really honest with yourself about how you truly responded, even if it wasn’t the best.