I frequently receive emails with a request to “grab coffee” or “pick my brain” about writing or becoming a writer. Half of me doesn’t mind—I certainly understand the interest in connecting with someone who is doing work you’d like to do, and I benefited from the advice and guidance of other writers early on as well. The other half of the time, I feel exasperated, simply because it’s clear the requester didn’t put much thought into the ask; I have no clue how I can actually help, and it seems like the person really just wants me to describe a shortcut to success…when there isn’t one. I mean, I love a good caffeinated meet-up for the right reasons, but there are also only so many hours in the day, and with a family, a full-time job, and deadlines to meet, I want to maximize my time and energy too. Similarly, in an office environment, I struggle every time I’m asked a question where it’s evident the answer could’ve been found from, um, a quick Internet search or just a little critical thinking.
It’s not that I’m uninterested in being supportive or helpful. It’s just that most people don’t take a few minutes to put forth a little effort, or they don’t necessarily think through what they actually need from the person they’re asking. In this challenge we’ll talk about why this is problematic, and I’ll share a couple of mental strategies you can use to think through any ask.