Certain platitudes are drilled into your head as a kid, and one that sticks out in my brain is “It’s not easy to do the right thing” concept. My parents repeatedly told my sisters and me that doing the right thing would feel exceptionally difficult almost every single time, and now as an adult, I understand their eagerness to properly set up expectations. Because, yeah, integrity is tough. Doing the right thing kind of sucks sometimes, or at least it might make you feel unsure, lousy, confused, criticized, and much more. It’s much easier to play the victim card, feel entitled, and make an excuse; taking ownership for yourself and being accountable to your own integrity require a moral fiber and a willingness to try to make the right choice every single time while knowing you’ll likely fail. Still, the work is worth it—and you have the power to make that decision.
A few years ago, a group of researchers at Harvard and Yale attempted to determine whether our first instinct is to act selfishly or cooperatively. They studied decision-making frameworks based on intuition or automatic action, and reflection or conscious thought. The result? All evidence pointed to cooperation—this idea that human beings lean toward integrity at first impulse. Of course, that’s clearly not the case for everyone, nor is it a consistent behavior for anyone, but it reinforces the fact that integrity can be constructed one choice at a time. One of the best ways to see if your choices match your integrity? Make a conscious effort to ask yourself that very question. Another easy way to check your integrity: imagine the interaction is being recorded or taped. Would you be proud of your words or actions? What you do when no one is watching speaks volumes.
TRY THIS
Finish the sentence “I’m someone who…” with a phrase related to your definition of integrity, and make that your touchstone. For instance, if your sense of integrity is tied to punctuality, a phrase like “I’m someone who shows up on time” might help you hold yourself accountable.