The First Dalai Lama, Gedundrup, said:
Attached to its dark hole of ignorance,
It cannot bear seeing the wealth and excellence of others,
But quickly fills them with its vicious poison,
The snake of envy—save us from this danger!
A form of anger, envy is indeed like a poisonous snake. It is a mental factor that, out of attachment to respect and material gain, is unable to bear the good things that others have.
Like a snake, envy is sneaky, winding its way into areas we may not suspect. While we frequently envy others’ wealth, relationship, or status, we can also be jealous of their good qualities, for example their skill in basketball or computers. The jealous mind may follow us also into spiritual practice. We may resent someone who can sit in the meditation position longer, has done more retreats, has a closer relationship with the teacher, or has had more extraordinary spiritual experiences than we. We may begrudge someone who appears more virtuous or has a greater positive influence on others than we, and seek to denigrate him and cause others to lose faith in him.
The Buddha taught various ways to tame the snake of envy. First, clearly seeing the disadvantages of jealousy gives us the impetus to abandon it, thus eliminating our own pain and preventing our inflicting suffering on others. Under the influence of envy, our mind is in turmoil—we fear that others will have what we want—and sometimes we are unable to eat or sleep properly. Our own good qualities are ignored and exhausted as we seek to invalidate or obliterate others’ talents, success, or good fortune. In this way, our friendships are destroyed, as we slander, denigrate, and gossip about others. People’s happiness is destroyed and their feelings hurt; innocent parties are dragged into taking sides in the conflict that ensues. Our actions plant destructive karmic seeds in our mindstream, creating the causes for our encountering difficulties in future lives and obscuring our mind so that we don’t gain realizations of the path to enlightenment. In short, envy prevents all worldly and spiritual happiness from coming our way.
At one time or another, each of us has been under the sway of jealousy that seeks to harm others. We know from our own experience how painful that emotion is, even when we do not act it out by physically or verbally attacking someone. It is even more painful when it provokes us to destroy another’s happiness or rejoice in her misfortune. By celebrating or causing another person’s pain, we relinquish our own self-respect. As Shantideva said:
Even if your enemy is made unhappy
What is there for you to be joyful about?
Your merely wishing (for him to be hurt)
Did not cause him to be injured.
And even if he does suffer as you had wished,
What is there for you to be joyful about?
If you say, “For I shall be satisfied,”
How could there be anything more wretched than that?
Jason was jealous of his sister who, in his eyes, was more successful than he. He continuously put her down and tried to prove himself, especially at family gatherings. This embarrassed her, made others lose respect for him, and ruined family harmony. He reached a point where the jealousy was so intense that he had to acknowledge his pain and decided to change. He stopped comparing himself to his sister, and realizing that each of them had their own individual talents, he focused on developing his.
Jealousy does not bring us what we desire. For example, whether or not our rival has a wonderful relationship does not change the fact that we lack one. Our skiing skill remains the same whether someone else is better or worse than we. When we reflect deeply in this way, we see that envy has no rational basis. Comparing ourselves to others with a jealous mind only makes us miserable. As Shantideva commented:
What does it matter if (my enemy) is given something or not?
Whether he obtains it
Or it remains in the benefactor’s house,
In either case, I shall get nothing.
Recognizing that jealousy contradicts our wishes for happiness stimulates us to change our perspective. In the above example, Jason consciously began to change his motivation from making himself look good to being of service to others. As his orientation changed, so did his behavior, making everyone in the family happy.
While we all want to be happy, our mind often prevents itself from being happy. For example, we cannot endure others’ being praised and instead crave recognition for ourselves. As Shantideva commented:
When people describe my own good qualities
I want others to be happy too.
But when they describe the good qualities of others
I do not wish to be happy myself.
We often say, especially in season’s-greetings cards, “May all beings be happy.” Therefore, we should be pleased when others are praised, honored, or wealthy, particularly if we didn’t have to exert any energy to bring about their happiness. But at times, contrary to our wish for peace and happiness on Earth, when another has even some small good fortune, we cannot endure it! In such situations, we need to remind ourselves of our real wish and abandon the envy which makes us unhappy when another’s desire is fulfilled.
The things we envy in others do not bring lasting happiness. Even the richest or most famous people in our society must still age, fall ill, and eventually die. They cannot find protection in their wealth, fame, or good qualities, nor can they take those things with them at death. In addition, they have many problems that others do not. For example, while others have the freedom to walk in the park with their family, movie stars and billionaires have lost all anonymity and cannot do this. Fearing that their children will be kidnapped, they cannot send their children to school. If we had the opportunity to talk to the people we envied, we would soon hear their problems and realize that they are not really any happier than we are.
What antidote can we apply when we envy those with spiritual realizations, which do bring lasting happiness? We can ask ourselves what good it does to want them to be bereft of these? People who develop love and compassion work for the benefit of all beings, including ourselves, so by begrudging them their kind heart, generosity, and wisdom, we harm ourselves. It serves our happiness, as well as theirs, to rejoice in their attainments.
Being happy that others are better than we is an excellent antidote to jealousy. While we usually want to be the best ourselves, we have to admit that if we were the best, with just our current abilities, the world would lack a great deal. For example, if I were the best this world had to offer, we would not have electricity, plumbing, cars, computers, or even food, for I know nothing about how to produce these. Since everything I use and enjoy in life is dependent on others’ skills, I rejoice that they have those talents and use them well.
In addition, even in our area of specialty, we can rejoice if others are more knowledgeable and capable than we are. With them to teach us, we can advance more easily, and our own abilities are stimulated. Therefore, rejoicing in others’ capabilities and success is appropriate.
Also, rejoicing in others’ abilities takes the pressure off ourselves to “be best,” a goal that is increasingly difficult to attain and hold onto in this age of rapid communication. Previously, each village had its own “best singer” and “best carpenter,” for example. Now all these “best” people compete with each other for worldwide fame. Thus, only a very few are selected and idolized and their fame is more short-lived than ever, with so many newcomers continually joining the competition.
Furthermore, we would have to admit that if we were the best with just our current abilities, or even with our abilities suddenly surpassing those of the others we now envy, still we would experience no lasting happiness. We would be fraught with the anxiety of maintaining that position, all the time being aware that one day we would have to relinquish it because all things change. Thinking in this way can help us release our envy and rejoice in others’ talents for whatever contribution they are making at present.
Rejoicing is an attitude that appreciates and enjoys others’ happiness, talents, wealth, knowledge, skills, and virtue. Whereas envy cannot endure others’ good fortune and excellent qualities, rejoicing appreciates these, thus filling our mind with joy. Of course, when we are in the throes of jealousy, we must make some effort to broaden our mind and rejoice, and if we do, many benefits accrue.
For example, one student told me of seeing his ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend in the supermarket. At first, Phil was tempted to ignore him and leave, but remembering his fledgling rejoicing meditation at a recent retreat, he decided to approach him instead. Before doing so, Phil reflected that he and Jill had broken up because, as much as they cared about each other, they could not resolve certain differences in lifestyle and beliefs. He then inwardly rejoiced that Jill and Dave were happy and wished them well, whether their relationship lasted a long time or not. This helped him to introduce himself to Dave, and the two men chatted about sports for some time. While doing so, in his mind Phil continued to rejoice not only in Dave’s and Jill’s happiness, but also in the happiness of all harmonious couples. After leaving the market, Phil sat in his car and relished the good feeling in his heart. He was astounded by his ability to let go of antipathy and transform the situation.
The great sages say that rejoicing in others’ virtue is the lazy person’s way to create positive potential and to have a happy mind. Why? Because without having to do the wonderful deeds ourselves, we simply allow ourselves to be happy when others do them. Of course, this is no excuse for not putting forth energy ourselves. We should contribute to the well-being of the world, and by making us admire what is constructive, rejoicing increases our tendency to do that.
People’s attention so often goes to what is wrong that they fall into despair. Bombarded by the news, which primarily reports conflicts and catastrophes, they forget the continual kindness that people show each other. The rejoicing meditation is an antidote to this. It is easy to do and can be done anywhere. For example, while standing in line at the bank, we can rejoice in the wealth—no matter how great—that others have, and at the same time pray that wealth increase and be more equally distributed. While waiting at the dentist’s office, we can rejoice in the kindness of all dentists and in the help people receive from them, while also praying that everyone with dental problems has access to the help he needs. Upon hearing someone receiving an award for excellence, we can be pleased with their talent and others’ recognition of it. When our colleagues leave on vacation, we can rejoice that they will have the opportunity to relax and enjoy themselves. Similarly, we can applaud those who are more disciplined then we in their daily meditation practice. We can be happy at others’ generosity, whether or not we are the recipient of it, and we can appreciate others’ patience, tolerance, and open-mindedness in situations that we would find difficult. When someone solves a problem that we cannot, we can celebrate her knowledge and skill, and when we see others’ happiness, we can be delighted.
When attentive, we will find more situations each day in which we can practice rejoicing. By each day making a mental note of our pleasure in others’ good fortune, well-being, virtue, and excellent qualities, we will become joyful. In addition, this positive mental attitude will transform our speech and actions, so that we praise others and celebrate them. This, in turn, will transform our relationships with those with whom we are in daily contact. In addition, our mindstream will be enriched by a wealth of positive potential, which will enhance our spiritual practice and facilitate our realizing the steps of the path. All in all, only good, no harm, will come from abandoning envy and instead rejoicing.