There was a tap on my door, and Mom came in. She sat down on the edge of my bed and gently smoothed the hair away from my bruised face. Her hands were cool and soft and smelled slightly of lemon dishwasher liquid.
“Sweetie, what are you going to do about Amberley and Lisa? You can’t let those girls live with the hurt Celine inflicted today. You’ve got to talk to them.”
“I know, Mom. I tried to talk to Amberley after school, but she wouldn’t listen and just walked away. Besides, I feel so awful about it. I mean, it’s true what Jaime said. I didn’t like them all last year, and not even when they first became my partners. But I got to know them, and now I do like them, a lot. Especially Amberley. But if they won’t talk to me, what can I do?”
“I don’t know, AJ. But this is a problem you have to solve and the sooner, the better. You told me downstairs that you’re not a child, so okay, here is your first challenge as an adult. Talk to the girls and become friends again.” She leaned over and kissed my forehead before she quietly left my room.
When I walked into homeroom the next morning, I got this cold feeling that didn’t come from the weather outside. Everybody was glaring at me, like I had done something really wrong. Celine and Jaime turned around to look at me, and Celine laughed. She had a slight reddening on one cheek, but my bruises and swollen lip showed everyone who got the worst of the fight.
Mrs. Gorman looked at Celine. “That’s enough, Celine. I won’t tolerate that rudeness in my class.”
Celine rolled her eyes and glared at me. Jaime snickered but she kept quiet.
When the room got quiet, Mrs. Gorman said, “Good morning, AJ. I am a little surprised to see you this morning. Do you feel like being in class today?”
“I’m fine, Mrs. Gorman. It’ll take more than a split lip to make me stay home.”
Some of the other kids laughed, and from the back of the room someone said “good for you, AJ” but I didn’t know who it was. When homeroom was over, I started walking to history. Celine sneaked up behind me.
“Watch your back, AJ. This isn’t over.” She sauntered down the hall to her class.
I stopped and looked after her. I didn’t understand what she meant by ‘this isn’t over.’ She had ruined all my friendships and gotten the best of me in a fight. I wondered what else she could possibly want to do to me…and why.
The rest of the day was miserable. When I walked into my classes, kids looked at me and snickered, but no one spoke to me. That was fine with me, I didn’t want to talk to them, either. I looked for Lisa and Amberley at lunch, but I couldn’t find them anywhere.
As soon as I got home, I called Lisa.
“Hi, Lisa, it’s AJ. Please don’t hang up, I need to talk to you.”
Her voice was frigid. “AJ, there is nothing to say. You have only pretended to like me and Amberley since we were assigned to be your team for cheerleading. Well, you can now forget it. We do not need ‘friends’ like you and we do not need cheerleading.” She slammed the phone down.
I stared at the phone and choked back my tears. I was determined not to let it end there, so I dialed her number again. When she answered, I said quickly, “Please don’t hang up. Please, just listen for a minute. I don’t care about cheerleading anymore. All I want is to be friends with you and Amberley. Please, can I come over? Will you call Amberley and ask her to come, too? I want to talk to you, and then if you still hate me, I’ll leave.”
My voice cracked because I was trying not to cry. Maybe that was what got to Lisa, because after a minute she relented. “All right. I will call Amberley. But, do not count on our forgiveness. Right now I do not care if I ever see you again or not, and I believe Amberley feels the same way.” She slammed the phone down again.
I left a note for the twins telling them where I was and left. A few minutes later, I found Lisa and Amberley sitting on Lisa’s front porch steps. The front door was open a bit, and the slight breeze in the air brought out a spicy aroma of something cooking in the kitchen. A hanging chime tinkled softly, but Lisa and Amberley didn’t say a word. They weren’t even smiling.
“Hi. Thanks for letting me come over.”
It was obvious they didn’t want me to sit down with them. Standing in front of them made me very uncomfortable, but there wasn’t much else I could do. My stomach felt like I had a convention of worms all intent on running a marathon inside. I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. Jaime didn’t lie, what she said about me not liking you was true. But…”
Lisa interrupted. “If what she said is true, why are you here? We do not need to be humiliated a second time.”
“No, Lisa, please let me talk. It’s not true now. That was before I knew you guys. But it’s all different, now. I’ve gotten to know you and Amberley and we’ve become friends. I still want to be friends, honest.”
Lisa glared at me. “Oh, you want to be friends. Right. It is all about the cheerleading. You did not get to partner with Jaime and Julie, so now you need Amberley and me, or you are out of the squad. Besides, the J’s are no longer your friends, so Amberley and I are just substitutes. Without us, you don’t have any friends.”
I didn’t know what to say or do. I’d never had to apologize like this to anyone before. I was trembling and those darn worms in my stomach wouldn’t go away. In fact, they were beginning to race their way up to my throat, and I felt like I was going to throw up. I tried to keep my voice steady, but it wasn’t working very well.
“No, you’re wrong, Lisa. It’s not the cheerleading anymore. You and Amberley helped me with Sunni, and I even told you about my parents’ divorce. I haven’t told anyone else about that. I wouldn’t do that if we weren’t friends. You aren’t—what did you say?—‘substitute’ friends for the J’s. That’s not true. I like you for who you are. Please believe me.”
The silence hurt more than anything. Finally, Lisa said, “I do not think we are friends at all. You have complained about Amberley and me from the first day we practiced together. You said it was our fault Coach picked us last for the squad. I do not believe you.” Her voice was so frosty I could almost see icicles forming on her words. At the same time, I saw a little quiver of her chin. I realized that she was really hurt.
I stood there with my arms clenched tight against my stomach. Everything Lisa said was true, and I didn’t know how to convince them I didn’t feel that way now. The sick feeling was getting worse and I knew I was going to throw up. Please, God, not here in front of them!
Amberley said softly, “You really hurt us, AJ. We believed we were friends, so we wanted to help you with Sunni. That’s what friends do, they help each other. But it’s hard to believe you now.”
I stared at the ground, unable to meet their eyes. The worms were on a rampage. I didn’t speak. I didn’t know any words that would make up for the hurt I had caused.
Lisa said, “We have decided to stay in cheerleading. We enjoy it and we should not let one person ruin it for us. We will keep on being your partners. But that is it, AJ. We are just partners, we are not friends anymore. Not that we ever were, anyway.”
“I don’t know what I can do to make you believe I do like you and want you both to be my friends. I don’t even care about cheerleading anymore, I just want our friendship back. I even got into a fight with Celine because of you.”
“Ha! Do not blame that on Amberley and me. If you had not said those things about us, there would not have been a fight at all.” Lisa’s eyes were as cold as the glacier they resembled.
“No, I don’t mean it that way. I just mean if I didn’t like you and Amberley, I wouldn’t have fought with Celine.”
Amberley said, “I’m really sorry about the fight, and Lisa is,too, even if she won’t admit it. But that doesn’t make amends for anything. Just leave it alone for now, AJ. We’ll practice tomorrow and see what happens, okay? Maybe you ought to go home now.”
She and Lisa got up and went into the house, leaving me standing alone on the sidewalk.
It was a long walk home. I shuffled my feet through the dirt and leaves along the road. The sky had darkened, and the breeze had become a pre-snow wind bouncing itself against my bruised face. I didn’t notice any of it. My head hurt. My heart hurt. My stomach hurt. Thoughts hurtled through my mind like a freight train, but none of them told me how to undo the pain I had caused. All of a sudden, those worms raced to the finish line in my throat and I threw up, right there on the street.
The next day was as miserable as the one before, and I thought three o’clock would never come. Before this mess happened, we had agreed to practice at school. Sunni was doing so well I felt I could take the time, but now I was afraid of what Lisa and Amberley would say to me. I needn’t have worried. They had nothing to say.
I was supposed to meet them in the locker room, which we shared with the boys, to change into our practice clothes. The girls’ side smelled like female deodorant and stale perfume. There were giggles as girls pushed each other out of the way so they could use the few mirrors. The hissing of hair spray competed with the hooting and hollering coming from the boys’ side.
Amberley and Lisa walked in but didn’t speak to me, and we had just finished changing when Celine came barging in. She had that malicious glint in her eyes again. She grabbed me by the arm. “AJ, I suppose you think that you can just come and go for cheerleading practice as you please, but you can’t. You and your…team—” —she gave Lisa and Amberley a dirty look— “haven’t practiced this week at all. So don’t think for a minute that you are going to compete on Saturday, because I’ve had a little talk with Coach. He doesn’t want to lose the competition because of an incompetent team. You might as well just go on home.”
I yanked my arm away from her, hurting my shoulder again, but before I could answer her, she gave us all a triumphant look and swaggered her skinny butt out of the locker room.
We stood there, speechless. The scent of her overly sweet, flowery perfume lingered in the air, so strong I felt like gagging.
Finally, I said, “She can’t do this. We have every right to compete. I’m going to Coach right now and ask him if what she said is true.”
Amberley twisted her sweatshirt around a finger. “AJ, it’s not worth it. Suppose what Celine said is true and Coach doesn’t want us on the squad? Then what?”
“I don’t know, but I’m not taking Celine’s word for anything. If Coach wants us off, he can tell us.”
I left the locker room and marched out onto the field. Coach was already giving instructions to the squad. He glared at me as I walked up. I thought my heart was going to burst right out of my ribs. My face was hot under the scratches and my palms sweaty. If he had really told Celine to tell us we couldn’t compete, I was going to be in big trouble. But I had to hear it from him.
“Coach Williams, is my team going to compete on Saturday? We’ve been practicing hard, even though we haven’t been at Celine’s, and I know we’re ready.”
Coach’s bushy eyebrows drew together in his infamous V. “Miss Devlin, what are you talking about? Why is your team not on the field? What is this about competing?”
The look on Coach’s face was fierce, and he scared me. He turned to the squad, most of whom were whispering and staring at me. “All right, quit this nonsense and get back to your practice. Now!”
The girls scattered quickly and got into their positions to begin practice. Coach turned back to me. “I don’t like having to repeat myself, Miss Devlin. Answer me.”
I wanted to tell him that ‘Celine said’ but I didn’t think that would be too smart, since she seemed to be his favorite person on the whole squad.
“Coach, I’ve been told that my team can’t compete on Saturday, and I just want to know if that’s true.”
Coach looked at me for a moment, taking in my bruised face and split lip. Then something strange happened. His face softened and he even turned his lips up in what I think was a smile.
“Miss Devlin, I have not said anything about your team not competing on Saturday. Who told you that you couldn’t compete?”
“It doesn’t matter, I just want to know if we can or not.”
His soft look disappeared as suddenly as it had come, and he glared at me. “Yes, you are competing. Now get your team onto the field and don’t waste any more of my time.”
“Thanks, Coach. We won’t let the squad down.”
Coach seemed angry again, and I didn’t know if it was because I had asked him about competing, or because I didn’t say who had told us we couldn’t. I didn’t want to give him a reason to change his mind so I turned around and ran back into the locker room.
Lisa said, “Well? Are we still on the squad or not?”
“Yes, but I didn’t tell him about Celine. Why make things worse for us? Let’s go practice and forget about everything else.”
Back on the field, I walked up to Celine. “All right, we’re here and we’re practicing. Coach says we’re not off the squad. Tell me what the rotation is.”
Celine didn’t answer right away. Her face flushed and her eyes screwed up into tight little wads. “I guess you told Coach what I said.”
“No, I didn’t. He can figure out for himself who it was. Are you going to give me the rotation or not?”
She went over to her backpack and took out a sheet of paper with the diagrams and rotations of all the stunts we were going to do on Saturday. She didn’t look at me. “Here, take it. You’d better know what you are doing Saturday. If you screw up, I’ll make Coach take you off the squad.” She turned her back and strutted away.
Even though we had been working alone, we still fitted right in with the rest of the squad. There weren’t any surprises so everything went well. By the time practice was over, I was confident that we were going to do just fine on Saturday. Lisa and Amberley were getting better and better, and even though I hadn’t practiced as much as I should have, I hadn’t lost my timing. But it was obvious that we were a team and nothing more. They still weren’t talking to me about anything except our stunts.
In the locker room, we saw Celine whispering with several of the girls, including Jaime and Julie. We ignored them, but Celine and Jaime looked up and laughed. I knew they were talking about us. I wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of paying attention.
The next two days Amberley and Lisa were very cool to me during practice, which was the only time I saw them. They seemed to disappear at lunch, and besides, I still didn’t know what else to say to convince them I wanted to be friends.
We practiced with the whole squad during the regular practice times, and every day, Celine would be in a huddle with the rest of the squad in the locker room.
We ignored them, and that turned out to be a mistake.