I forgot I was almost fourteen and nearly grown up. I ran and threw myself into my dad’s arms like I did when I was little. Dad must have been thinking the same thing, because he picked me up and swung me around like he used to do. He hugged me until I couldn’t breathe and then set me down carefully.
“AJ, I’m so glad to see you! How is your ankle? I’m glad to see that you’re walking on it now. How was your flight, did you enjoy being in First Class? Since it was your very first time on an airplane, I wanted it to be special for you.”
Dad was talking so fast I could barely keep up with him, but at least I knew he was as glad to see me as I was him. We headed out to the car, and before long were in the middle of a typical San Francisco traffic jam. Cars were packed on the freeway like someone had painted them on a canvas, and they were moving about as fast, too. It took over an hour before we reached his apartment, and when we got there, I could only stare in amazement. It was in one of the old Victorian houses they call the Painted Ladies, and it was beautiful. This Painted Lady was at the top of a hill, and from the porch you could see the Pacific Ocean beginning to look silver and black because the moon had just come up.
The air was full of scents we didn’t have in West Haven — the nip of salt spray from the ocean, and the spicy-sour aroma of both fresh and cooked fish that had laid all day on open tables at the docks’ Fish Markets. It made me realize how much I missed all of this. These were the smells I loved. All I could smell in West Haven were pine trees and dusty ole’ dirt roads. I stood there taking it all in, until finally Dad said, smiling, “AJ, do you want to come in, or are you going to spend the night out here?”
As I walked through the apartment, I noticed all the rooms were the same with high, curved ceilings, what my mom called ‘crown moldings’ and archways instead of doorways. It was totally awesome, and I was surprised that my dad had picked something like this. I thought his apartment would be all glass and stainless steel in a downtown high-rise.
My bedroom was in the front, with a white and gold Victorian iron bed, pale yellow ruffled curtains, and soft white carpet that accented the lavender walls. He hadn’t forgotten my favorite colors.
I had eaten dinner on the plane, but when Dad took me into the kitchen and I smelled the aroma of freshly baked cookies, I realized I was still hungry.
“Dad, are you really into baking cookies these days?”
Dad smiled, but he had a kind of embarrassed look on his face when he said, “Well, no. Actually, Katherine baked them for you. I, uh, guess your mom told you about Katherine?” He placed a big mug of hot chocolate in front of me.
Suddenly I didn’t feel very hungry. I squirmed a little on the chair, wishing that he hadn’t brought her up so quickly. I turned the mug around and around.
“Um…yeah. Mom said you had met somebody. Dad, are you really going to get married again so soon? You’re not even divorced yet.”
“Honey, I’m not getting married until after the divorce is final. Of course not. And it really isn’t ‘so soon.’ Katherine and I have known each other for a long time, and…”
“A long time?” I interrupted him. “You mean, you’ve had a—a girlfriend while you were still married to Mom?” I could feel my face burning, and my feet began to twitch under the table.
Dad sighed. “No, AJ, it’s not like that at all. You don’t understand, sweetie…”
I slammed my mug down on the table, sending drips of chocolate flying. I pushed the plate of cookies away, almost over the table’s edge. “Then maybe you’d better make me understand, Dad. I’m not a little kid anymore, you know. Andrew and the twins and I just found out about the divorce a few days ago and then we’re told we’re going to have a stepmother. That’s pretty fast, if you ask me.”
Dad reached over to take my hand, but I pulled it away from him. “I just want to know what happened. I think you owe me, all of us kids, that much.”
“I guess you’re right. I met Katherine about two years ago during a trial. She’s an attorney, too. She was opposing me, but we had to meet a lot to get things cleared up for the client. We just became friends at first, that’s all. You know, AJ, it is possible for a man and a woman to be friends without…without anything else going on.”
Yeah, sure. I’ve seen enough movies to know that’s not true.
Dad went on with his story. “Katherine and I went for a long period of time not seeing each other before I found out she had come to work for my firm. Your mom and I weren’t happy, AJ. We just grew apart. It happens sometimes, even if you don’t want it to.”
“So because you weren’t happy, you started seeing Katherine? You were always gone, Dad, how could you and Mom be happy together when you were never together? Why didn’t you just come home and work things out?”
Dad heaved another big sigh. “Honey, coming home wouldn’t have made any difference. Our marriage was over and we both knew it. We kept it from you kids, and now I realize we probably shouldn’t have. But we thought we were doing the right thing. And, well, your mom has known about Katherine for a long time.”
“I think you should’ve tried harder. You could have come home more, or something.”
He frowned, and he didn’t have that ‘I’m sorry’ look anymore. “Look, honey, this business is between your mother and me. There’s nothing anyone can do or say about it now. I want this weekend to be about fun things with you and me, not a rehash of family problems. Let’s have this weekend just for us, okay?”
I was angry and hurt. The divorce wasn’t just between him and Mom, we were involved, too. But I loved my dad so much, and I needed to talk to him about the problems with my life, not with his. I needed him to put his arms around me and tell me my life was going to get better and everything with the J’s and Celine and Amberley would work out. Right then I decided I didn’t want to hear any more about the divorce or Katherine. Especially Katherine.
I finished my hot chocolate, but refused to eat any cookies. They smelled delicious, and I was still hungry, but Katherine had made them and I didn’t want any part of them. Maybe I would raid the refrigerator after Dad went to sleep.
We went into the living room, and Dad asked about the horses. I told him about Sunni and about not paying attention to how hard I was riding her because I was thinking about the divorce.
He kind of shook his head at that part, but he said he was proud of the way I had taken care of her myself. The best part was that he didn’t say one word about me selling her.
The next morning at breakfast, I spent a long time telling Dad all about what was happening with me — I started with the J’s and Celine, how I ended up with Lisa and Amberley. I told him about Celine and the note, and about how scared I was about Amberley. When he asked about Amberley, I said, “It’s really strange, Dad. I didn’t like her and Lisa at first, but now I like them both. And Amberley…I don’t know, there’s just something about her. She’s so brave. I can’t stand the thought that maybe she could die. She’s like…well, she’s my best friend now. But the J’s and Celine…I don’t know what to do about them.”
The look on his face was serious. “Honey, you’ve really had a bad year, and I’m sorry your mother and I have just added to it. One thing, though…you’re growing up, AJ, and I’m not going to tell you what to do. But you’ve been friends with Julie and Jaime ever since we moved to Colorado, and I think, well, maybe you should consider how to get back on friendly terms with them.”
“I want to, Dad, I just don’t know how. Celine practically runs their lives now. They do everything she tells them to. They think Celine is some kind of…I don’t know…princess or something, but she’s really the Queen of Mean. Oh! But wait ’til I tell you what I found out about her!”
I told him what Cooper had found out about her family. When I got to the part about her parents going to prison for working with the mob, his face paled. The frown lines deepened on his forehead, his lips thinned, and he squinted his eyes. Dad never squints his eyes unless he’s upset about something. I knew something was wrong, but before I could ask anything, he said, “Uh, AJ, how did this Cooper get this information? And who is Cooper?”
Aaghh! How could I answer that without breaking my word to Cooper? I tried to get around it. “Well, Cooper is this cute boy in my math class. He’s been really nice to me, especially since the J’s and Celine have been so nasty.”
He smiled a little, but his face was still strained. “Oh, I see. ‘The cute boy from your math class.’ Now I know who Cooper is. Suppose you answer my first question, which was how did he come by this information?”
Oh, great. I wasn’t going to get out of it, after all. Well, Cooper didn’t have to know that I told my dad, did he? I sort of mumbled, “Um, he went into his dad’s computer.”
“Really? Why did he do that? Why would his father’s computer have information that his own computer didn’t have?”
Aaghh! Why is it that parents can never leave anything alone? They always have to have all the facts.
I sighed loudly. “Well, his dad is a detective, and his computer has police files on it. Cooper isn’t supposed to go into that computer but he was only trying to help me out, Dad. He wasn’t doing anything bad. Besides, he said that Celine’s parents’ trials would be public record and anyone could read about them.”
“That’s really not the point, AJ. Cooper snooped into his father’s private files for information that he shouldn’t have. But the damage is done, now. So what are you two going to do with this information?”
“I made Cooper promise not to say anything about it to anyone. But…he thinks I should tell the J’s about everything. I mean, Celine has been horrible to me, Dad, and she broke up my friendship with Julie and Jaime. So why should I keep all this stuff a secret?”
“Well, first of all, you have information that you should not have. If you try to spread it around, people are going to ask where you got it, and this Celine has a right to know. That means Cooper will get into trouble, and probably, so will you.”
He gave me that sideways look he does when he’s waiting for me to answer him, but I didn’t say anything.
He sighed again. Dad is big on sighs. Sometimes I think that’s his way of being dramatic.
“But, you seem to already have made a decision to say nothing, so why change your mind now?”
I didn’t answer him because I remembered what else I wanted to tell him.
“Well, there’s something else, too. When I first met her, and Jaime told her my name, she got all white in the face like she was going to faint or something, and then the look on her face turned to…well, it looked like hatred. But we hadn’t even met before, so how could she hate me? And she’s acted like she hates me ever since. I don’t understand her at all.”
Dad was staring into space. He didn’t answer me and I thought maybe he hadn’t heard me until he frowned and looked at me. “What did you say Celine’s last name was?”
“Her last name is Carroll. But her dad’s real name is Cerrone. Why, Dad? What’s the matter, you look like something’s wrong.”
Dad cleared his throat and didn’t look at me. “Oh, it’s nothing, honey. It’s just…well, now that I think about it, I may have met her father. In court, that is. But don’t worry about it, I’m sure it has nothing to do with anything.”
I looked at my father and knew he was lying. He knew exactly who Celine Carroll was, who the Cerrones were, but he wasn’t about to tell me the whole story. Why wouldn’t he tell me the truth about how he got mixed up in a court case involving the Chicago Mob? He wasn’t a criminal attorney.
So all right, said that little voice. He’s lying to you again, by not telling you what’s really going on. What’s that called, a lie of omission?
I ignored the voice. “So you think I shouldn’t say anything about Celine? Even though she’s been so nasty to me?”
When he cleared his throat before he spoke, I knew he was going to sugarcoat his answer.
“Hm. I think that is totally up to you.”
Dad still had these squinty eyes and deep frown lines on his forehead. It really made me uneasy. I had told him Cooper said the trial was public record, so Dad knew his name would be there. I wanted to tell him that I knew he had been involved with the trial and had helped send Celine’s parents to prison, but something told me not to bring that up. He wasn’t being honest with me, so he must have something to hide.
“Well, you know…you’re the lawyer, Dad. Cooper says turn-about is fair play. Do you tell your clients that?”
“No, honey, I don’t, but the law is a little different than what you’re going through. The thing is, whoever Celine is living with moved her to Colorado to get away from all that went on back East, and I think you should respect their privacy. While her parents’ trials are public information, as long as no one knows about them, why should you tell everyone?”
I knew my father was trying to talk me out of telling anyone about Celine, even though he just seemed to be agreeing with me. It was more than that, more than the trial. I didn’t know how, but suddenly I knew he was involved with Celine and her parents in some way that had nothing to do with the trial. A cold chill trickled down my spine.
I thought about it for a minute. “Dad, helping crooks who steal money is a bad thing, isn’t it? And being a part of the Mob? Why would someone defend them?”
“Because every person deserves to be defended, no matter what he has done. Now I know you learned that in your civics class.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I did. It just seems so unfair. I mean, unfair to the people who got their money stolen. And her parents both worked for the Mob! I can’t believe that! How can Celine and…well, whoever she lives with…live the way they do, so rich and everything, when all their money came from crooks?”
“That’s the way the world works, AJ, and it isn’t always fair. And since you don’t know who Celine is living with, you can’t just assume that their money came from her parents’ illegal connections.”
“But why does she talk about ‘her parents’ when they’re not? Gee, Dad, maybe she’s been kidnapped by the crooks and she has to pretend they are her parents!”
Dad laughed but his eyes didn’t. “I think it is safe to assume she has not been kidnapped, so don’t go letting your imagination get the best of you. This is what I think — you don’t seem to know much about this girl except that she’s been nasty to you. You don’t know what her life has been like before now, and frankly, I don’t think it is any of your business.”
He was defending Celine and I didn’t like it. “But, Dad, she doesn’t have to take her problems out on me. She didn’t have to break up my friendship with the J’s and start a fight with me and all the rest of it.”
“That’s true, AJ, but kids react differently to the bad things in their lives. Her parents’ trials couldn’t have been easy on her. I imagine she is going to be around for a long time, so why don’t you just stay away from her? I suggest you tell your friend Cooper to stay out of his father’s computer. Neither of you needs to be getting mixed up in things you know nothing about and don’t understand.”
He was getting the color back in his face, but it was pretty obvious to me that he didn’t want me to know anything more about this case, or even about Celine Carroll. He still wouldn’t look straight at me, so I knew right then that whatever he was keeping from me was pretty important.
“Huh. Well, maybe. I guess Cooper and I will keep it quiet, at least for now.” I didn’t want to talk any more about Celine, so I pushed my plate away. All of this talk and what wasn’t being said was making me lose my appetite.
“Dad, let’s go do something fun. I know! Can we go to Ghirardelli Square?”
We spent the rest of the day doing all the fun things we did when we lived near San Francisco. Some things had changed, but the Square was the same, and so were the trolleys, or cable cars, I loved to ride.
The sounds were still the same, too. Little kids racing around the square, happily screaming as they chased the free balloons all the stores gave out; the deep bass kaboom, kaboom from the horns of the fishing boats coming in to tie up at the Wharf; the throaty conversations which got louder and louder as people tried to talk over the clanging bells of the cable cars. I loved it! Oh my gosh, I missed San Francisco so much.
Dad and I talked and laughed so much I thought my sides were going to split. Then as we got off one of the trolleys, he said, “Um, AJ, did you bring any kind of dressy clothes to wear? We’re going out to dinner tonight, and I…ah…I would like for you to dress up a little.”
Now what was that all about? Dad didn’t usually care what I wore, and besides, nobody dressed up in San Francisco.
Well, I hadn’t brought anything ‘dressy’, so Dad took me into Macy’s Department Store. Wow! I’d never been there before, and the clothes were expensive. I hated to wear dresses, so I finally decided on a pair of silk pants in a soft pale gold, with a long-sleeved silk blouse to match, and a darker gold cashmere sweater. I saw Dad write out the check and it came to almost six hundred dollars. I couldn’t believe it. Then there was the matter of shoes. I had on the only shoes I had brought, and they were sneakers.
When we finally left Macy’s, I had a new pants outfit, sweater (I’d never in my life had a cashmere sweater), a pair of low-heeled almond brown pumps, a pair of knee-hi hose (no panty hose for this kid), and a beautiful gold and amber barrette for my hair. And my dad’s checking account was almost eight hundred dollars lighter. Mom was going to have a heart attack when she found out.
When we got back to his apartment I found out why he wanted me to dress up. We were going to a really fancy restaurant for dinner, and Katherine was going to be there. Just what I wanted. The woman who was going to be my new stepmother was cutting into my private time with my dad.
After I showered and dressed in my new outfit, I stared at the image in the mirror. I had used a lot of conditioner on my hair, and now it lay in a softly curled red mass on my shoulders. The gold and amber barrette pulled one side away from my face. I stared at myself. Who was this person, anyway? I was used to seeing dirty jeans, stained T-shirts, and dusty boots, with frizzy hair pulled into a messy ponytail. This person was slim with the shimmery gold silk blouse and pants clinging to curves I didn’t even know I had. Even my freckles seemed to be more gold than cinnamon, my lashes looked longer, and my eyes were large and shining. Gee, I was pretty!
When I walked into the living room, Dad stood and looked at me for the longest time. He was probably as astonished by the transformation as I was. He whistled. “AJ, you look beautiful! No one is going to believe you’re only thirteen.”
Dad held my new sweater for me and gave me a big hug. I knew he was proud of me.
When we walked into Pietro’s, an expensive Italian restaurant on the Wharf, the maitre’d led us to a table where a lady already was seated. Of course. This was Katherine. She didn’t get up but she looked like she was tall and slender. She was very fair, with brilliant blue eyes and shiny black hair pulled up high into a French braid. Hmmm…just like some of the girls at school. Maybe she didn’t want to look like she was old enough to be the future stepmother of a thirteen-year-old girl.
“Hello, AJ. I’m Katherine.” Her voice was clear and crisp. It sounded like an attorney’s voice, but she sure didn’t look like one.
“Hi.” I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t want to be here, I didn’t want to meet her. Somehow, I thought the feeling was mutual. My dad leaned over and kissed her. On the lips, no less. At least it was brief. He held the chair for me before he sat down.
I didn’t know what to say. I lost that feeling of being pretty I’d had for such a short time, and instead felt awkward and out of place. I didn’t want to look at Katherine, so I pretended to study the table settings.
The plates were blue with a silver design on them that matched the silverware. There were big crystal goblets with that same silver design, and more knives, forks, and spoons than I had ever seen at one time. I had no idea what they were for. How did you eat with a tiny fork, or a narrow, curved spoon? What was that little knife with the ragged edge for? I just knew I was going to be embarrassed in this fancy place.
Katherine started asking questions. “How is school, AJ? What grade are you in now?”
“School is fine. I’m in the eighth grade.” She was going to be my stepmother in a few months, and she didn’t know what grade I was in? I didn’t look directly at her, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Dad frown.
“I hear you are on the cheerleading squad. Do you like cheerleading?”
Aaghh! What a dumb question. Of course I liked it, or I wouldn’t be doing it. I hesitated just long enough for the server to come to the table. Dad frowned again, but at least I didn’t have to answer such a dumb question. Unless she asked it again, that is.
Dad ordered for all of us. Almost immediately shrimp cocktails appeared with the biggest shrimp I’d ever seen hugging the top of the tall bowls. Each one came with a red sauce of some kind and looked wonderful, but I didn’t know how to eat mine. Katherine and Dad picked up those funny little forks and began to spear the shrimp. Katherine was very dainty about it, making sure that she poked the fork tines into just the very end of the shrimp and dipping the other end into the sauce. I tried to imitate her, only I missed the entire shrimp on my first try and almost upset the bowl, but I recovered it before I had a disaster. I finally speared one shrimp and swished it around in the sauce. At this point, I just wanted to get it eaten. I couldn’t be bothered with trying to be ‘dainty’.
The shrimp was as good as it looked and I ate all of it, but I was still hungry and couldn’t wait for the ‘surf and turf’ main course. I thought sure that would be next, but no such luck. The next course was a small bowl of some kind of soup. I started to ask Dad what it was, but he was busy looking at Katherine with a sappy smile on his face, so I didn’t bother. It was good, so I finished it.
Next came a salad with greens I’d never seen before, as well as some red, orange, and yellow veggies. Didn’t people in restaurants eat plain food like vegetable soup and lettuce and tomato salad? So, okay, three weird utensils down, and a few more to go. Hopefully, the knife and fork that I was accustomed to seeing would be used next for my steak and lobster. But then the waiter brought platefuls of some kind of melon, surrounded by thin slices of a pink ham. The narrow spoon and another strange little fork were used for this dish. I was almost stuffed.
It was at this point that the steak and lobster dinners, complete with a baked potato and asparagus, appeared. The steak was huge, covered in mushrooms, and the lobster was so big it looked alive and ready to grab me with its pincers. How come it wasn’t just the lobster tail I was used to having with ‘surf and turf’?
The baked potato was wrapped in aluminum foil, shaped to look like a…swan?..and the asparagus had some kind of crisp coating on it. OMG. I took a deep breath, and the crispy-burnt aroma of freshly broiled steak, together with the sweet smell of the lobster butter made my stomach turn over. I had looked forward to this dinner, but with all the stuff that came first, I knew I couldn’t begin to eat it.
All through the other courses, Dad and Katherine had carried on their own conversation, looking at each other with that same sappy ‘in love’ look Dad had on his face before. They had pretty much ignored me. Now, though, Dad looked at me with a frown. “AJ, what’s wrong? ‘Surf and turf’ used to be your favorite meal when we went out.”
“Dad, I’m sorry. It’s just that…well, with all that other stuff we ate, now I’m almost full.”
Dad’s frown deepened. “Honey, I made reservations at this restaurant just so you would have a nice atmosphere to get to know Katherine. You’ve sat here the whole time, eating everything in sight and not saying a word to anyone. Don’t tell me you are full, just finish your dinner.”
My face burned and my eyes stung with tears. How could he? It was his idea to have all these extra courses, so what did he expect me to do but eat the food? And blaming me for not talking to Katherine when the two of them talked about court stuff the whole evening? I couldn’t look at either of them. I just started to eat. After the first few bites of the steak, my stomach began to rebel, but I forced myself to stab a piece of lobster and dip it into the thick butter sauce. Another two bites and I could feel something rising up from my stomach. I swallowed, but it kept coming. I pushed back my chair without saying excuse me, and ran to the back of the restaurant where the sign for restrooms was. I barely made it to the first toilet before I upchucked everything I’d eaten all night.
I was standing at the marbled counter rinsing out my mouth when Katherine walked in. She didn’t say a word, just waited until I was finished, then took my hand, and led me over to a love seat. She went back to the basin, ran cold water over a linen hand towel that was lying in a gold wire basket, and sat down, gently wiping my face with the damp towel.
She said quietly, “I’m sorry, AJ. This was a big dinner even for adults, and your dad shouldn’t have expected you to eat so much. Besides, I don’t think a restaurant is very conducive to two people getting to know one another, do you? You know, I love your father very much, but men can be so clueless sometimes, don’t you think?”
I wanted to laugh when I thought of my dad as ‘clueless’ but I just didn’t feel up to it. Besides, I couldn’t very well side with Katherine against my father, now could I? I smiled a tiny bit then turned my face away and laid my head back. My stomach still wasn’t in good shape, and I felt really tired and weak.
Katherine sat beside me a minute before she said, “AJ, you’re very pale. Would you like to go home now instead of coming back to the table?”
My throat was raw from so much throwing up, so I could only whisper, “Yes, I would, but Dad will be mad.”
“No, he won’t. I’ll see to that. I’ll come get you in just a couple of minutes.”
The door swung shut behind her, and I was alone in the quiet coolness of the restroom. There was a faint aroma of citrus in the room, and it seemed to have a calming effect on my stomach. No one else came in, but I wouldn’t have cared if they had. All I wanted to do was go back to Dad’s apartment and fall into bed. I didn’t want to talk to Katherine, and I never wanted to see steak and lobster on the same plate again as long as I lived.
When Katherine came back a few minutes later, she helped me up and kept her arm around my waist as we walked out to the car. I wanted to be able to stand up straight and tell her I didn’t need her help, but I couldn’t. I probably wouldn’t have been able to walk without someone to lean on, and at the moment, she was as good as anyone.
We got to the car, and she opened the door for me, since Dad didn’t bother getting out. Katherine leaned across me and briefly kissed my dad, touched my face gently, and shut the door. I watched her walk to a small sports car and saw the valet give her the keys. As soon as she got in, Dad drove off. He didn’t say one word to me all the way back to his apartment.
I had undressed and gotten into bed when Dad came in my room. He stood at the door with an unhappy expression on his face. “Well, AJ, I guess tonight didn’t go so well, did it? I thought having a nice dinner in such a special restaurant would be a good place for your first meeting with Katherine, but I guess now it wasn’t such a good idea, after all. I think the less said about tonight, the better. Good night.” He walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.
I turned over, pulled the pillow over my head, and let the tears come.