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Susannah fidgeted with the strap of her purse. She had to get home. Kitty was supposed to eat her lunch at noon sharp. Any later, and she wouldn’t tolerate her three o’clock snack.
It was nice of Derek to watch Kitty Sunday mornings, but Susannah couldn’t depend indefinitely on her stepdad’s generosity. Derek had only been part of the family for a few months. He loved Kitty, but he wasn’t invested like Susannah was. For Derek, Kitty was part of the package if he wanted to marry her mom. For Susannah, her sister was now her calling, her ministry. Susannah’s mission field, which she had at one point imagined to be the entire world, was now confined to a ten-by-fifteen bedroom.
The only thing I don’t understand, God, is why you gave me all those desires to become a missionary if you weren’t ever going to open those doors for me.
It wasn’t like the church was overrun by young men and women begging to be sent out to the mission field. When Susannah was so willing, why would God bar the way?
Please forgive me for my lack of faith. Help me to focus on all the good things you’ve done in my life, all the ways you’ve provided for me.
Her mom’s small life insurance plus Kitty’s regular disability payments were enough so Susannah could keep up the mortgage payments on her mom’s home. Susannah quit her job at Winter Grove and committed herself to caring for Kitty full-time. Her stepdad stopped by for a few hours Sunday mornings so she could go to church, and he dropped off groceries once or twice a week, but when you’ve only been married for a few months before your wife dies, how long can you be expected to stay involved in the life of her disabled adult daughter?
Derek was a nice guy. Susannah had no complaints about him, but she knew that he wouldn’t stick around forever. He was healthy, good-looking, stable, and eventually he would move on with his life. She couldn’t begrudge him that. But she couldn’t count on him forever either. For all practical purposes, it was just her and her sister.
It had been hard to break up with Scott, or whatever you want to call what she did when she wrote him that last email. She knew she’d hurt him, but what other choice was there? Scott would have given up anything for her. She realized that as soon as he mentioned moving to Washington. She wouldn’t be responsible for making him drop out of his missionary work. She wouldn’t put that kind of obstacle in his way.
When he told her about the ring, said that he was ready to propose to her, she’d faltered, but only for a second. The instant that truck plowed into her mom’s car, any future Susannah and Scott may have tried to make for themselves became an impossibility.
An impossibility because Susannah could never leave her sister’s side. She felt guilty enough for taking two hours off every Sunday so she could go to church. She could never leave the country or travel around the world.
She could never leave Orchard Grove.
Any scenario that Scott might suggest — and he dreamed up quite a few before she said goodbye — would have been just as unattainable. What if they got together, what if they were married? Would Scott keep his job and travel the world while Susannah stayed home with Kitty? What kind of wife could she be to him?
And even worse — what if he gave up his mission work? What if he decided to move to Orchard Grove, settle down, and play house with Susannah and Kitty? Then Susannah would be guilty before God for keeping a capable, willing missionary from his calling.
She couldn’t.
She wouldn’t.
God, I sacrificed him to you, and I’m trying hard to remember that you are enough for me. But I miss him so much. My spirit is willing, but my flesh is so weak. Please send me a little bit of encouragement today.
She glanced up at Grandma Lucy, and their eyes met. An electric jolt zapped Susannah’s heart.
“What God has opened, no man will shut.” Grandma Lucy didn’t take her eyes off Susannah. “What God has ordained, no plans will thwart. ‘Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery?’ says the LORD. ‘Do I close up the womb when I bring to delivery?’ says your God.”
Power tugged at Susannah’s spirit. Heaviness and warmth wrapped around her shoulders like a mantle. Conviction rose in her soul even as Grandma Lucy’s voice increased in intensity.
“He is the God who finishes what he begins. He is the God who brings it to completion. He doesn’t carry you to the moment of destiny and desert you there. He doesn’t place a calling on your life and fail to bring it to pass. He will never abandon you or forsake you. Just like for the Israelites, it will be said of you that not one of all the LORD’s good promises failed. Each and every one came to pass.”
The words were like a tailwind that could whisk Susannah up and carry her away, straight off to paradise if she could hold onto them long enough. The warmth surrounding her turned into burning heat, the initial quickening in her spirit giving way to the undeniable presence of her glorious Savior. Wrapped in his grace, surrounded on all sides by his glory, her soul sang his praises even as her ears echoed with Grandma Lucy’s declaration from Scripture: Not one of all the LORD’s good promises failed. Each and every one came to pass.
After a few more words, Grandma Lucy handed Pastor Greg back the mic, but the presence of God continued to encase Susannah’s entire being. Here was love. Here was power.
The tears that streaked down her cheeks were just as hot as the burning passion and searing loss that invaded her soul.