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Lying in bed that night, Susannah thought over her day. Lord, I didn’t miss Scott this afternoon as much as I sometimes do. I’m really thankful for that.
It was one of the many blessings of being her sister’s only caretaker. Susannah was so busy at home that she didn’t have time to brood.
I’m sorry for teasing Kitty about Ricky. You know I don’t mean anything by it, and it makes her so happy, but maybe it’s wrong of me to treat her like that. Make her think Ricky likes her that way. Get her hopes up.
Susannah knew all about shattered hopes.
Thank you for a good church service today. I’m sorry I didn’t pay more attention. And thank you that Derek’s willing to watch Kitty Sunday mornings. Please bless him for all the kindness he shows us both.
Susannah didn’t expect any sort of typical father-daughter relationship with her stepdad, but she was grateful he’d stayed involved in her life. None of her mom’s church friends had taken that kind of interest in her and her sister.
Lord, I’m sure there are many other things I’m forgetting to thank you for and even more that I’m forgetting to confess. I’m just so tired.
She strained her ears, listening for her sister’s breathing, which was something between a snore and the sound of a coffee maker percolating.
God, I love her so much. Thank you for allowing me to take care of Kitty. Thank you for allowing me to fulfill my promise to Mom.
She didn’t know if people could look down from heaven once they died. She never actually heard a pastor preach against that kind of theology, but she guessed it wouldn’t line up with the typical stoic orthodoxy of a church like Orchard Grove.
If she’s up there, God, I hope you’ll tell her not to worry about us.
That’s nearly all Mom did while she was alive. Care for Kitty and worry about her girls. Worry about Susannah’s love life, about Kitty’s digestion. Fret over leaving Kitty without a caretaker. Of course, nobody expected her to die so young, but Susannah and her mother had already discussed the issue multiple times.
“I’ll take care of Kitty. No matter where I am, I’ll come home and look after her once you’re gone.”
“I don’t want to put that kind of burden on you. Only God knows where you’ll be at that point in time, where you’ll be serving him.”
Susannah had silenced her mother’s protests. “When God takes you home, I’ll just take that as my message from him that he’s calling me back to Orchard Grove, back to the family I love so much.”
God, I know that not even a sparrow falls to the ground apart from your will. You knew about that car accident long before it ever happened. You knew exactly when Mom was going to leave us, and I’m so glad you took her quickly. No suffering. But couldn’t you have waited? Even a few weeks ...
Would things have been different if Scott had come to visit first? He said he picked out a ring. If she’d been engaged when her mother died, would that have changed anything? Betrothals today weren’t like in Bible times. Calling off an engagement wasn’t the same as getting a divorce, but there was still a promise there. You’d given someone your word.
If Scott had flown out to Orchard Grove, if he’d put that ring on her finger, would she have considered herself bound to him from then on?
Would she have felt the freedom from God to marry him, even if it meant pulling him away from the mission field?
God, it’s such a waste of time to think about all these questions. Please calm my racing mind.
She tried to remember the songs she sang in church that morning. Mentally played through each one. Tried to keep her mind focused on things above, just like the Bible verse said.
But every so often she’d realize that she’d switched songs without knowing it.
Every so often, the chorus of My Girl floated through her head, except now instead of seeing her sister dancing with the gangly, awkward boy from youth group, she imagined dancing with Scott to it on their wedding day.