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February 27
Dear Scott,
I have so much to tell you but don’t know how to express it. Maybe I’m afraid.
Your email yesterday really touched and encouraged me. I wanted you to know that before I said or did anything else. To think that you could feel so strongly about a girl you haven’t even met face to face ... I love how you told me it didn’t even matter that you hadn’t seen my picture yet. It made me feel so safe, like you were really here to get to know me. No ulterior motives. So thank you.
And thank you for being honest. I’m sure it must have been scary writing all that and not knowing how I’d respond, and then I’m sure it was hard waiting to hear back from me until now. I wasn’t ignoring you. I just wanted to talk to my mom about it first, and she’s been so busy with wedding plans, and Kitty’s got the sniffles, which is probably nothing serious but always makes Mom nervous.
But I did finally find the right time to tell her about your email, so imagine my surprise when she said you’d actually called her! You could have told me that! She said that she was happy for me like I knew she would be, but she still wants me to be careful. Wants to make sure I’m not giving you my whole heart until we’ve met and she’s gotten the chance to get to know you better and we’re all convinced that this is the direction God is calling us to take. But she likes your idea and definition of courtship, how we wouldn’t be just dating to have someone to be with, but we’re really praying and trying to seek God’s will to decide if we’re supposed to spend our future together.
So the answer to your question (and sorry for taking so long to get there!) is yes, I would be honored to begin prayerfully considering if God has more in store for us than just a whole lot of emails and late nights on the phone!
I’m trying to be cautious like Mom said, but when you and I talked that very first time, and through all the emails and phone conversations since then, I’ve realized more and more that you are the kind of man I always pictured myself with. But I told myself I was being silly. I’m too young. You’ve been all over the world. You’ve served so many places, been used by God in so many ways. What would you see in a girl like me?
That’s why when I read your email, I didn’t know how to react. Yes, I was surprised, but that doesn’t mean I hadn’t hoped for something like this. I’m just so overwhelmed right now. I’m like Job. I put my hands over my mouth and have no idea what to say.
I hope that my somewhat flustered reply doesn’t hurt your feelings. The last thing I want is for you to believe your thoughts and emotions aren’t reciprocated. But I’m so young, and my mom is truly the wisest woman I’ve ever met, and I’m trying to take her advice and keep my heart guarded.
The spirit is willing, like Paul says, but the flesh is weak.
I wish I could blindly trust my own intuition, which is to throw myself headfirst into this relationship, but I should listen to Mom and go slowly. Be patient with me. I’ve never fallen in love before. I know you understand.
I’ll write more later. I hardly slept at all last night. Mom and I were talking past midnight, and I was up early with Kitty because of her stuffy nose. I just couldn’t let another hour go by without writing you, without telling you how deeply honored I am that you would consider me, a girl you’ve never even met. I know there’s so much more to talk about, so much more to pray about, but right now I’m just going to trust all that to God’s timing and let you know how closely I hold you in my heart.
Blessings,
Your Susannah