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June 3
Dear Scott,
I can’t believe it’s summer. Well, I can because Orchard Grove gets hot this time of year, but what I mean is I can’t believe you’re meeting up with the Kingdom Builders interns today and I won’t be there.
Do you sometimes feel like God has it out for us? I mean, I’m mostly joking, but do you ever wonder? I’ve prayed about our relationship a lot. Probably more than I’ve prayed about anything other than getting to the mission field. And each time I pray, I do my best to surrender and tell God that I want his will more than my own. That if you and I aren’t meant to be together, I’d rather find that out sooner than later.
But each time I ask God if we’re where we’re supposed to be, I feel so strongly that we are. I look back at how we met, at how our very first conversation wasn’t about going to the movies or what restaurant to eat at but about missions. And it just seems so clear to me that God brought us together for a reason. I’m doing my best to still stay guarded, but I can’t stop thinking about a future together with you. I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to serve God around the world next to someone so godly and strong, who knows my emotions, who is so kind to me.
You are the first man I’ve ever felt this way about, and that’s partly what makes today so hard. I feel like when you hop on that plane with the interns, I’m losing you. It’s probably silly. It’s probably me just being girly and babyish about it all, but that’s what this feels like. I keep telling God that I was supposed to come with you all on that trip.
But Kitty’s not getting any better. Dr. Bell stopped by last night. It was really sweet of her. She knows Kitty gets anxious about going anywhere and that the stress can really complicate her digestive issues, so she came by instead of making us drive out to her office. She doesn’t think we need to go to the hospital yet, but if Kitty can’t start eating again in a day or two, she’ll need some IVs at the very least. Dr. Bell was thinking about antibiotics because her lungs sound a little more gunky than normal, which could be the start of pneumonia, but Mom wants to hold off and stick to some of the homeopathics for now. I understand where she’s coming from. You give Kitty one dose of antibiotics, and she’ll still be letting you know about it a month later (or at least her gut will).
Anyway, I’ll spare you the details, and I’m sorry if this email started off a little depressing. I’m doing all right. Just miss you. I’ll be praying for you and the interns. I’ve got the clock in my room set to Korea time so I’ll be able to keep better track of what you’re doing. Please be safe and come back soon. We’ll have so much catching up to do, and I know my evenings are going to be terribly quiet and lonely until you’re home.
Please know that while you go out and serve the Lord, I’ll be praying for you hourly (probably more!) and holding you very close to my heart.
Yours always,
Susannah