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I RECENTLY RECEIVED A LETTER in which a girl in her mid-teens poured out a lot of pain. She wrote, “I went out with a really good friend. . . . We went to a coffee shop, and he leaned in and kissed me. . . . The kiss became more intimate, and he asked if I wanted to have sex. I was still shocked and replied yes. . . . [A few days later] I felt alone and sad, and I felt I did something wrong, so I cut myself hoping the pain would go away.”

Unfortunately, I’ve read and heard far too many stories like this one. The misuse of sex is a source of such great heartache.

If you’ve picked up this book to check it out or if you’re ready to dive in and read it straight through, I want to thank you and congratulate you! It means you’re serious about learning how to live in a God-honoring way in a time and a culture that have seriously lost their way. Especially when it comes to matters relating to sexuality.

It’s hard for me to believe, but I first published this book with Focus on the Family more than twenty years ago. The need was great then to talk candidly with teens about the realities of love, sex, and dating. Sadly, in the years since, our society has become even more obsessed with sex and actively promotes the lie that it’s okay to do it anytime, anywhere, with anyone, and even with anything.

Young men and women, I’m here to tell you that the God of the universe, who designed sex and gave it to us as a gift, also gave us instructions for its proper use. When we follow those instructions, we can enjoy the most amazing, fulfilling, and intimate oneness possible with another human being —the oneness meant to be experienced by husband and wife in the secure bonds of a man-woman-for-life marriage.

On the other hand, when we ignore or defy those instructions, we end up with sexual chaos, broken hearts, broken relationships, and rampant sexually transmitted diseases. In other words, modern culture.

I know what today’s teens are facing because I get to talk to and with thousands of you every year. I have the privilege of operating a Christian sports camp in the beautiful Ozark Mountains near Branson, Missouri. I also speak on numerous college campuses and recruit college students to work in our summer camps. And I constantly receive many letters and emails, like the one mentioned previously, from hurting teens who have fallen victim to the lies of this sex-crazed culture.

Since the first edition of this book, pornography has become more accessible and socially acceptable than ever. According to a New York Times Magazine article, it has become a primary source of (distorted) sex education for many teens.[1]

In addition, social media have been put to corrupt purposes. Many teens use social media and technology to make poor choices. (The girl whose letter I quoted earlier went on to say she FaceTimed in the shower with another male friend.) Many adults use social media to prey on unsuspecting young people.

Three Truths

To give you a firm grasp on God’s plan for sexuality, I’m going to focus on three truths that build on each other. Each of them is at the core of one section in this book. (The fourth section will explore today’s challenges to sexual purity.) I want you to finish this book having no doubt about these three facts:

1. God loves us —you —with a love far greater than you can imagine. He is for you. He is with you always. He wants nothing but the best for you.

2. God designed sex for our good. He didn’t design sex to frustrate us or hurt us. He didn’t make this great thing and then say, “Now, don’t expect to enjoy this. I’m really a killjoy. The people who ignore My instructions are the ones who will have all the real fun.”

No, because God loves us, He says, “Those who follow My guidelines for sex are the ones who will have the most fun, the greatest fulfillment, and the most-satisfying relationships.”

3. God helps us stay sexually pure. He knew we would be tempted to forget or ignore His instructions, so He has given us resources to help us stay pure —to stay within the boundaries He’s established so that we can enjoy His gift as it’s meant to be experienced.

Are you ready to begin exploring these great truths? Are you ready to see what the God who made you wants you to understand about this area of life that can bring either great pain or great joy? Then read on.

Discussion Questions

  1. What are your friends saying about sex?
  2. Which of their ideas do you think are lies, and which do you think are true? Why?
  3. How hard or easy is it for you to believe that God loves you? That He designed sex for your good? That He can help you stay sexually pure? Why?