15: CONTROVERSIAL ISSUES

GAME OF THRONES, ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK, Westworld, Grey’s Anatomy, Cosmopolitan, Rolling Stone, Seventeen, and even USA Today have all waltzed far away from the basic principles God designed when He invented words like love and happiness. As if in a bad dream, we’ve almost forgotten what the original portrait looked like when He painted it with artistic perfection.

An eleventh-grader from Dallas named Rachel describes the confusion: “AIDS? It’s kind of a joke, because none of our friends have it. . . . At the [small, private] school I used to go to, we had pools among ourselves to pay for abortions. . . . The more they [adults] preach to us about sex and alcohol, the more we’re going to do it. . . . I do whatever my friends do to fit in. We had keg parties this summer; I was crawling around on the floor, walking into glass doors.”[1]

What’s right? What’s wrong? Are condoms safe? Is abortion just another form of birth control? Is homosexuality just another form of natural sexual expression?

With a lot of input from America’s high-school students, I’ll take on these controversial issues and seek to tell you “the rest of the story” the mass media never communicate.

Condoms

The school board meeting was fiery the night we had a city-wide gathering to consider whether the high-school health clinic should pass out condoms to those requesting them.

Parental consent is required for the dispensing of aspirin. Yet in some states, abortions and condoms can be given without breathing a word to Mom or Dad. Hmm.

Anyway, after many girls and guys had told me through the years about the incredible sexual pressure kids are under nowadays, and how the presence of a condom on a date increases that pressure ten times, to protect the girls in our school and enlighten the boys, I spoke to the assembly for a few heated minutes. The next day, the board voted “no dice” to the condom crime. Here are some of the facts on condoms that I presented that night (sorry, Planned Parenthood):

  1. The AIDS virus is so small (0.0001 mm) that it can potentially penetrate any standard condom.[2]
  2. Condom breakage is as high as 33 percent. Slippage goes as high as 19 percent. And 12.5 percent of women have also reported experiencing a leaky condom.[3]
  3. In a 2014 study, 50 percent of women who had abortions were using condoms or other forms of birth control.[4]
  4. In a 2012 study, 28.5 percent of adolescent condom users reported condom slippage or breakage.[5]

And here’s the clincher that they never tell you in health class: Condoms fail 100 percent of the time . . .

Finally, to put the nail in the coffin of condom mania, let me tell you candidly, as a married man, that once you begin to play Russian roulette with sex and to depend on condoms to protect yourself and your partner from previously encountered diseases, you are committing yourself to condoms for life. Condoms immensely dilute the pleasure of sex in marriage for both the man and the woman.

God intended sex to be natural, unspoiled, unhampered by guilt, uncomplicated by fear, and protected for life by heterosexual, monogamous, husband-wife relationships. And He meant it to be the best.

Abortion

A young woman once told me, “I’m a third-grade teacher, and today was the first day of school. My students are eight and nine years old.

“The most awful thing that has ever happened in my life happened today as my new students walked into my class.

“You see, eight years ago, I had an abortion. My baby should have been one of my students today, but he’ll never have that chance. I knew my abortion was wrong, but today it hit me just how wrong it really was.”

The woman who told me that is a good friend. She’s about as attractive as any girl I’ve ever met —and she attracted a promiscuous boy when she was in high school. They had sex; she became pregnant (like 750,000 other teenage girls that same year);[6] she elected to terminate the life of the baby (like 198,000 other teens in 2008),[7] and she cried for a long, long time (like almost all the 198,000 other teens did that year).

When two people have sex, a baby (whose life begins in a matter of seconds) is a natural result. But our “new society,” with condoms in every drugstore and sex by the hour in television and music, has produced ten million more teenagers with sexually transmitted diseases every year.[8] And of the 750,000 teenagers who get pregnant each year, 26 percent choose to end the baby’s life by abortion.[9]

Did you know that:

  1. More babies are killed by abortion in the United States each year than all the American soldiers who’ve ever died in all our wars since America began?[10]
  2. An unborn child has his own fingers and toes after only six weeks?[11]
  3. An unborn child has his own heart, his own blood, his own nervous system, and his own skeletal system? None of these is attached to the mom. He is all his own. His mom’s womb is there to protect him and feed him.
  4. An unborn child is protected by law from murder, but not from abortion? (Sound inexplicable and paradoxical to you?) In most states (sadly, not all), a person can be charged with a major crime for causing the death of an unborn baby, while U.S. abortion clinics killed ninety-four babies in the same hour under the protection of the law![12]
  5. Abortion can damage your cervix or uterine wall, increase your chances of having an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy or miscarriage in the future, and increase your risk for breast cancer?[13]
  6. Sixty-two percent of Americans believe that abortion is morally wrong?[14]
  7. Tampering with an eagle or hawk embryo in an egg can result in a fine or imprisonment, but doctors get rich by tampering with unborn human babies?

What word describes your emotions when you hear these facts? Numb? Surprised? Angry? Upset? Disbelieving? Grieved? Sickened? Sad? Confused? Indifferent?

Which term would you use to describe abortion? Medical procedure? Fetal interruption? Murder? Pregnancy termination? Genocide?

If you were asleep in your house at midnight and an armed burglar broke in through your bedroom window, and before you could wake up to defend yourself he shot and killed you, which term would you use to describe the event? Home-entering procedure? Somnia interruption? Sleep termination? Murder?

The Bible is clear on the moment when life begins. Consider the following examples:

In Genesis 4:1, God specifically connected the birth of Eve’s son Cain to his conception.

In Job 3:3, Job —a great man of God —connected his birth directly to the night of his conception: “Let the day perish on which I was to be born, and the night which said, ‘A boy is conceived’” (emphasis added). The Hebrew word for boy used in this text specifically applies to the preborn human being.

Luke 1:41 and 44 describe the “fetus” of John the Baptist as fully human: “When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit” (Luke 1:41, emphasis added).

“For behold, when the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby leaped in my womb for joy” (Luke 1:44, emphasis added).

The word for baby in the original Greek manuscript of those verses is the same word used for “baby Jesus” in Luke 2:12, when He lay in the manger on the night of His birth.

It should be fulfilling for you to know that God likewise gave you personal life from the moment of your conception. Check out this fatherly expression of love from God to you:

For You formed my inward parts;

You wove me in my mother’s womb.

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

wonderful are Your works,

and my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from You,

when I was made in secret,

and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;

and in Your book were all written

the days that were ordained for me,

when as yet there was not one of them.

PSALM 139:13-16 (EMPHASIS ADDED)

Prayerfully consider these biblical passages as well:

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,

and before you were born I consecrated you;

I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.

JEREMIAH 1:5

But he said to me, “Behold, you shall conceive and give birth to a son, and now you shall not drink wine or strong drink nor eat any unclean thing, for the boy shall be a Nazirite to God from the womb to the day of his death.”

JUDGES 13:7 (EMPHASIS ADDED)

Believe it or not, pro-choice (pro-abortion) people use the following arguments to justify abortions:

  1. “It’s not a child until it has a name.”
  2. “It’s not a child until it breathes air.”
  3. “A baby evolves in the womb and sort of goes through the ‘fish stage,’ the ‘reptile stage,’ and the ‘monkey stage’ of evolution before it actually becomes a baby.”
  4. “The baby really isn’t an individual. It is not its own person. It doesn’t belong to God; it is the mom’s personal property to do with as she wills.” (Imagine what our country would be like if parents could kill their children at any age whenever they chose.)

Don’t you feel fortunate that your mom and mine listened to their hearts, listened to God, fulfilled their calling, and didn’t have us terminated before we were able to protest?

A precious girl named Gianna Jessen lived through her mother’s attempt to abort her, and now as an adult, she lives to tell how thankful she is that she’s alive and well and her mother’s abortion failed to kill her.

Speaking at a Mother’s Day banquet at a church, Gianna explained, “I’m adopted. My biological mother was seventeen when I was born. At seven months pregnant, she chose to have a saline abortion. But by the grace of God, I survived. I forgive her totally for what she did. She was young, and she probably had no hope. She didn’t know what she was doing. As a result of the abortion, however, I have cerebral palsy —but that’s okay, because I have God to keep me going every day. It’s not always easy, but He is always there. He’s there for you, too.” She finished by singing Michael W. Smith’s “Friends,” dedicating it to all the babies who die from abortion every day. “They are my friends,” Gianna said, “and I’m going to see them in heaven someday.”[15]

If you’ve had an abortion, go to a forgiving God and ask for forgiveness. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). And please, go see a qualified Christian counselor and work through your emotions as soon as you can. Yes, God’s love is big enough to reach around any broken and repentant heart. He can heal yours, too.

My dear friend Annie became pregnant out of wedlock. She was first surprised, then mad, then ashamed, and finally she came to her senses. Two friends advised her to have an abortion. Her parents wisely counseled her to deliver the baby and give it up for adoption. She moved away from home to gallantly spend a tough nine months to walk the path she had begun. Annie interviewed several couples who desired that baby as much as their own lives! At last, she selected “the perfect home” and gave the baby away. I called her after the delivery, and she was smiling as she cried happy tears.

“Yes, I’m okay,” she assured me. “If you could have seen the look of wonder on the precious faces of that mom and dad when I gave them the baby, you never would have needed to worry. That look of appreciation will comfort me forever.”

In Romans 8:28, God gave us one of His most incredible promises when He said, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

Here is just one more true story of how real His Word is:

SALLY

My sophomore year, my sister came home and told us she was pregnant. She wasn’t married, either. At first she wanted to get an abortion, then she decided to give it up for adoption. At last she decided to marry the guy and keep the kid.

This last decision proved to be the best because both my sister and brother-in-law are awesome Christians. They realized they had made a mistake, and they asked forgiveness from each other and from God. From that moment on, they became totally different people. I am happy to say that with the support of both sets of families and God, my sister and brother-in-law have been married for two wonderful years. Their daughter is the most precious thing in their lives now! (As she is in mine, too.)

I feel this incident proves that with the support of God, things that seem like burdens or mistakes can be turned into the best things in your life.

How Gay Is Gay?

Richard’s dad was never home. Actually, Richard liked him better when he wasn’t. His mom was domineering and critical. Richard was more talented in music and the fine arts than he was in football or basketball. Making male friends was tough. He never felt accepted by “the guys.” Because he seemed effeminate to the guys, the popular girls also rejected him.

Then in eighth grade, along came a high-school kid named Billy. Yes, he was openly gay, but at least he was caring and accepting. Billy told Richard that gay was just another expression of his sexuality and no worse than looking at a Penthouse magazine or “fooling around” with a girl. Richard wanted to go to his dad with his questions about his feelings for Billy, but his dad would have killed him. Within two years, Richard had joined the discreet high-school gay club and accepted that lifestyle as his way of finding friends.

But inside, he was dying.

He drank on weekends to numb the pain. Suicide was constantly on his mind. He didn’t worry about getting AIDS, because he figured death might be his best alternative.

His church gave him an uncertain picture of right and wrong in this area. USA Today and NBC News supported his new lifestyle with encouraging stories about fellow gays and the progress they were making. The TV sitcoms and dramas showed gay couples who actually looked very happy.

Why, then, he often asked himself, did he feel as if his problems were continually escalating? Why did he feel so cruddy inside? Why did he want to die?

The above scenario is true, many times over. The details differ from case to case, but many of the symptoms are similar. Homosexuality and lesbianism have been around for centuries. They’re definitely a part of society today. My camp colleagues and I have met with many through the years. One of those I counseled wrote me this insightful letter:

Gay is not good, nor is it a happy way to live. The very people who claimed they were happy where they were at, on a deeper level of communication, admitted they were miserable and had the lowest self-esteem later on. These people who claimed they were happy being gay were actually more miserable than the people who said they were miserable being gay! I talked to well over 200 individuals, and there were no exceptions to this. I myself fit into both categories at one time or another. Any homosexual —even if he doesn’t admit it to anyone but himself —wishes that he were something other than what he has let himself become.

Although the current trend of politically correct media would lead you to believe that the homosexual lifestyle is safe and emotionally stable, the facts sadly and tragically disagree.

Gays also have to deal with the problem of sexually transmitted diseases that unnatural sex propagates. The thirty-eight painful, sometimes deadly sexually transmitted diseases that plague our sexually active American society are at their peak in the gay community.

No wonder the Bible is so clear when it condemns the practice of homosexuality in these three passages:

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.

1 CORINTHIANS 6:9-10

For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.

ROMANS 1:26-27

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

GENESIS 1:27

The statistics are startlingly clear in showing that the further you get from God’s plan of “one man, one woman, together forever,” the more dire the consequences become. If homosexuality in your mind or in your actions is a problem for you, an outstanding, helpful book to read is Desires in Conflict, by Joe Dallas.

Almost all solid Christian counselors agree that homosexuals and lesbians have legitimate needs for a strong father figure and solid friendships with peers. The gay lifestyle is an illegitimate way to meet those legitimate needs. Many gays are finding help and freedom today by trusting Jesus to forgive them and show them legitimate ways to meet those needs. I highly recommend the Dallas book to you as you seek forgiveness and a way to return to God’s best for your life. Remember that God hates the sins of homosexual lust and conduct, just as He hates all sins, but He loves the sinner who seeks Him with his whole heart.

What about Transgenderism?

Transgenderism says that your gender isn’t necessarily the one you were born with. Gender is fluid; it’s whatever you feel like inside, regardless of your anatomy; you can even choose what gender you want to be. And transgender people and their allies say children as young as ten years old should be given treatments, if they want them, to force their bodies to conform to the gender they believe themselves to be.

This subject has been in the news a great deal in recent years. For example, a biological girl in New Jersey who felt she was a boy wanted to join the Boy Scouts. At first denied membership, she was later admitted and even received $18,000 and an apology from the Scouts. A biological male who identified as a woman represented Spain in the Miss Universe beauty pageant. Courts have been ruling on whether transgender people should be allowed to serve in the military. And in many places, laws have been passed granting transgender people the right to use the public restroom of their choice, the one corresponding to the gender with which they identify.

What are we to make of this ideology that’s gaining so much momentum in today’s society? As with homosexuality, God’s view is clearly revealed in Scripture. When He made the first two people, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27).

The anatomy of each was distinct —male and female —making possible the procreative power that would birth the human race and allow people to fill the earth, as God commanded (Genesis 1:28). Those gender differences were imprinted in their very DNA, an immutable part of their identity, and that’s still true of every person born into this world.

Feeling as if you’re not the gender with which you were born; dressing as the opposite sex; undergoing hormone therapy or surgery to change your body —none of these can alter the DNA that determined your gender at birth.

So much of today’s culture, however —from TV to movies to Hollywood celebrities, from politicians to doctors to school sex education programs —will try to tell you otherwise. The result, not surprisingly, is a great deal of confusion. The formal name for this is gender identity disorder (GID), and when left untreated, about 75 percent of boys with GID will grow up to identify as homosexual or bisexual.

The good news is that this disorder is highly treatable in young people. In an interview with Family News in Focus, Dr. Richard Fitzgibbons, a psychiatrist with more than thirty years of experience, said, “In treating this disorder, you help children identify [and] come to understand why they did not embrace the goodness of their masculinity or femininity. The success rate with this treatment is highly effective —80 percent. There are very few medical conditions or psychiatric conditions where you get 80 percent recovery; here, you do.”[22]

Put simply, transgenderism is another corruption of God’s perfect design for gender and sex. As with every other distortion of His plan, it seeks to undermine the exclusive physical, spiritual, and emotional bond between a married man and woman that sex is meant to be.

But if you’re one of today’s teens who struggle with your sexual identity, let me offer you two thoughts. First and foremost, God loves you. No matter what you’re thinking or feeling or may have done, He loves you so much that He sent His only begotten Son to die on Calvary’s cross so that you could be reconciled to Him. He is for you, not against you. He wants your best. He wants to heal you, not hurt you. Don’t turn from Him; draw near to Him instead.

Second, as that quote from Dr. Fitzgibbons indicated, you don’t need to struggle with your confusion alone. Help is available. If you don’t know where to look in your community, call the counseling staff at Focus on the Family and let them connect you with the help you need. Their number is 1-800-232-6459. You can also write to: help@focusonthefamily.com.

Finally, whenever you meet anyone who differs from you in any way or in any opinion, please remember the apostle Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 13:13: “The greatest of these is love.” It’s never our place to judge anybody. That’s God’s job. While Scripture is clear that God assigns gender at conception, His Word is also clear that His followers honor all men, women, boys, and girls. That means . . .

The challenges to sexual purity in today’s culture are great. But the God who loves us and designed sex for our good also offers resources to help us stay (or become again) sexually pure. Please turn the page and keep reading to learn more.

Discussion Questions

  1. What are the greatest dangers of condom use?
  2. After reading this chapter, have your thoughts about abortion changed? If so, how? If not, why not?
  3. After reading this chapter, have your thoughts about homosexuality changed? If so, how? If not, why not?