4: JUST LIKE YOU

I’LL NEVER FORGET HER FACE as long as I live. Amazement and wonder were written across it like a giant neon billboard. Her rosy life story (like most of ours) had many beautiful petals, but some were scarred and torn. Sheila was about sixteen the night she and I met one recent summer. I had addressed her and her camp friends on the subject of God’s incredible love for His kids and His stellar determination to tell every teenager that no matter what, if they would turn to Him, they would be forgiven . . . completely . . . for everything.

The talk shook Sheila like an earthquake inside her heart. For the first time, she understood. Although her life had blemishes, in Jesus she was as perfect as the first snowflakes in December.

“Why?” she asked me, somewhat bewildered. “Why does God love me so much? Why did He die for me?”

I gently grabbed the sides of her shoulders and tenderly spoke words that flashed into my mind —words that overwhelm me to this moment.

“Sheila,” I said, “He did that because He wants a little girl just like you.”

Just like you. He wants a daughter just like you. He wants a son just like you!

If God were to keep photos of all His BFFs on His smartphone, He’d have your picture there.

Can you imagine that?

If He had a bulletin board (maybe He does), your picture would be on it.

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

When Jamie, my older daughter, was seven and a half, her heart was firmly encamped in a rigorous gymnastics school. The training was hard, but she felt the rewards were worth it. We would travel to gymnastic meets throughout the winter and fill our lives with the cheers and tears of the competitive gymnastics world.

One evening, Jamie came home from practice. A quick glance at her face told me this evening was not like the rest. She had just been cut from the A team and placed on the B team.

As tears streamed down her face and disappointment broke her heart, I pulled her onto my lap, and we rocked in the rocking chair as only daddies and little girls can do. I began to console her by telling her the many stories of when I had been cut from an A to the B team, and worse. I looked her in the eyes, brushed away her tears, and said, “Jamie, God doesn’t care what team you’re on. He only cares about your heart. And little princess, you have the biggest heart of anyone I know.”

After about twenty-five minutes, she seemed to be okay. She bounced out of my arms and was on her way back to her happy, carefree world. That night, as I tucked her into bed, we prayed together and memorized our nightly Bible verse, and then I walked quietly toward the door. Just as I got to the doorway, I heard her little voice penetrate the darkness. “Daddy,” she said, “thanks for tying my heart back together tonight.”

I stood there in amazement. I walked over to her bed, held my face next to her soft, little-girl cheek, and whispered into her ear, “What did you say, peanut?”

“I just said thank you for tying my heart back together tonight.”

I stammered for words. “What did you mean by that, Jamie?”

She whispered softly, “Well, tonight, when I came in from gymnastics, my heart was broken, but you tied it back together again.”

Can God mend the heart and restore spiritual virginity to someone who has had premarital sex? Yes. Absolutely yes. He does it every day.

Can God remove guilt and help you forgive yourself? Yes. He can and does every day. With God, forgiveness is instantaneous as we confess our sin and turn from it. Our own forgiveness of ourselves sometimes takes longer, but it grows as we make the right choices and live in purity.

Can God help you start all over again —set a standard called “sexual purity,” where the honeymoon will be the next time for making out and intercourse? Yes. He can and does every day.

Can God erase the pictures of our mistakes in our minds? Yes, as we live in purity. He can, and He will. (It takes time, but as He takes over more and more of our hearts and minds, our memories can become our friends.)

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Like countless others, Alicia learned these things the hard way (and that’s the most difficult way to learn a lesson as dear as the sex lesson). But she told me her true story so I could tell it to you.

ALICIA

At the beginning of this year, I had a friend named Rick. Rick and I would talk forever. We became so close that our feelings developed into more romance than just a friendship. We started dating, and one thing led to another. I often wondered how far was too far, but I had decided I could stop whenever I wanted to.

Whenever I was at Rick’s house, we would always go to his bedroom to be alone. He had such a large family that his room was the only place we could talk. Innocently, we would sit on his bed. After we started dating, it was harder to just sit there with each other. Kissing came first, and we found it harder and harder to stop there. Even after we became involved in serious make-out sessions, I still believed I could stop before we actually did it. After a few months of this, I found that I didn’t want to stop.

Then one night it happened —we had sex. It was worse than I could even imagine. I felt dirty and very separated from God. I hated myself for doing something I’ve grown up believing was so wrong. I had the guiltiest feeling I’ve ever had.

Rick walked me to my car and asked me what was wrong. I burst into tears. I told him that I hated it. I never wanted to do it again. Then Rick told me that he loved me, and the weirdest thing was that I couldn’t tell him I loved him back. I had no feelings for him anymore. We sat in front of his house for a long time. We both cried. We knew what we did together was wrong.

I didn’t see Rick for three weeks because he was out of town. During that time I prayed about it, not knowing what else to do. While we were separated, I realized what a real Christian relationship should be like, and I also realized that the relationship Rick and I had was the total opposite. I learned what was right and reassessed my morals. I asked for God’s forgiveness and started my life over. I still care for Rick, but I know if we are to have a relationship, it must be based on God.

Now I know that “too far” doesn’t mean only intercourse, but also the stages leading up to it. Too far is when you crave the physical more than the spiritual. Too far is when sexual thoughts take over your relationship. Too far is when you don’t want to stop. It can be different for different people; it can be holding hands, kissing, or hugging. For me, kissing should be the limit. I’ve decided not to go any further than this until I’m married. With God’s help, I can be pure from this day on.

Discussion Questions

  1. How does the thought that God wants a son or daughter just like you —and that He would put a picture of you on His heavenly bulletin board —strike you?
  2. How does this chapter add to your understanding of spiritual virginity or spiritual purity?
  3. Do you really believe God can and will wants to —forgive you for anything and everything you’ve done wrong? Why or why not?