I’m flying through the air.
I can see everything – the smashed town, the lake of tears. I can see Matt waving far below.
I can see the Teleportaloo in the distance, the hoop squished into Baby Zilla’s chubby wrist and, most importantly, I can see my own certain death if she lets go.
And though it doesn’t serve any practical function, I scream my head off.
How many times can a guy almost die in one day?
I have had enough of this!
‘Put me down!’ I put on the stern voice that I use when Matt cooks cake in the toaster.
Zilla puts me down . . . on a soft patch of grass in the Park Zoo. In the lion enclosure.
The lions lick their lips hungrily.
* Actually Rich needn’t be scared. This lion is just introducing itself. It’s name is Roary.
Zilla picks me up.
‘Argh, Zilla! Put me down!’ I yell.
She puts me down in a bush . . .
Buzzing with bees!
She picks me up.
‘Put me down!’ I yell again.
She nods. And puts me down in a garden.
Filled with cacti.
Baby Zilla snatches me up again. I see her slimy open mouth getting closer and closer, larger and larger.
‘She’s going to eat me,’ I yell.
Matt stares up at me.
‘Matt don’t just stand there, you big dummy!’ I scream.
‘I’M not a big dummy. THIS is a big dummy!’ he says. He’s holding a pacifier the size of a tennis racquet.
‘DO SOMETHING. DO ANYTHING!’
‘Do anything? Okay, I’ll burp the alphabet. I’ve been practising,’ Matt yells, taking a massive swig of Superfizz.
‘That’s not the anything I meant!’ I yell.
Then everything goes upside down as I am swung through the air by Godzilla’s grandchild.
‘I WANT THIS RIDE TO END!’ I yell.
‘Hang on, if I’m gonna make it all the way from A to Z, I’ll need this Superfizz super fizzy,’ I hear Matt say, as he shakes the bottle of Superfizz madly.
He shakes.
And shakes.
And then . . .
Everything seems to happen at once.
The top flies off of the bottle of Superfizz.
There is a roar as the world’s fizziest soft drink spurts out an almighty torrent from the bottle.
The force of it fires Matt directly up into the air like a firework.
