CHAPTER VIII

Brenda worked very hard for her finals which she passed with flying colours. She loved her job and loved her patients. She had never seen her mother as happy as when she had Reggie’s twins, but all too soon the time came to part with them. She saw the tears in her mother’s eyes when she gave them back.

“But they’ll be right next door” Brenda reminded her.

“I know, I know, it’s just having them in the house I’ll miss.”

Brenda’s brother Michael, with his engineering degree had gone to Germany to work for an international engineering firm. Her two younger sisters were still at college. When they qualified her mother would have quite a comfortable life with an income she could enjoy without the outgoings of a young family.

She was very proud of her mother who was always mindful of the problems of others while trying to cope with her own.

Brenda didn’t know just when she had fallen in love with Norman. It was something that had blossomed through the years. Perhaps it was the time she had seen him on her first visit to Victor. She remembers blushing when he complimented her. But that was years ago and he had been a mere boy. When she met him at his father’s funeral she knew she had felt a very special way. Since then she had been out with him many times. She knew too that he loved her.

One evening after her day duty, she arrived back to the nurse’s home to find a message to phone her mother. When she did her mother said Sarah had phoned.

“Sarah?” she exclaimed. “From where?”

“From Dublin – Sandymount I think. She wanted to get a reference from Rachel. She left her number.”

Brenda phoned Sarah but there was no reply. She rang Victor.

“Vic I’ve got to see you.”

“Sure. There’s nothing wrong is there?”

“I don’t know. Can I come over now?”

Victor was worried at the urgency of her request.

She drove the short distance to his office.

“Sarah’s home Vic.” She saw the look of anxiety that came over his face.

“She phoned my mother saying she wanted a reference from Rachel. I tried to ring just now but there was no reply. Vic I’m worried that she might have gone to Rachel herself. She was always so impetuous. One false word and well, heaven knows.”

Victor replied “We may be worrying unnecessarily. After all, its hard to get Rachel at home as you know, what with her busy schedule.”

“Yes. You may be right. I just know how naïve Sarah can be. She doesn’t have the wit to avoid a dangerous situation.”

They talked for a while longer and Brenda went back to the nurse’s home feeling a little less worried. Victor was right. How could a chance meeting by Sarah spell disaster?

But Brenda always had a nose for trouble. It was true that Rachel was a difficult person to find at home, what with her many committees and social life.

For those who dropped in unexpectedly, without prior arrangement, they were most unlikely to catch her. Her friends complained that they could never get through to her even on the telephone.

But there is always the exception to the rule and Sarah was the one to find that out. She rang the doorbell expecting to be received by a maid dressed as she used to dress when she worked at the Taylor home. Instead, the door was opened by Rachel herself.

“Yes?” she said sharply.

“Oh hello Missus Taylor. Remember me? Sarah Brogan. I used to work here about six years ago?”

Rachel looked hard at her.

“Six years ago? I can’t say I remember you.”

“I was recommended to you by Mrs. Balfe who knew my family.”

“Mrs. Balfe? I remember something of the sort. Are you the girl from Roscommon?”

“Yes Missus Taylor that’s me. I was here for about a year. I went out to America but I never really settled so now I’ve been offered a job with a family in Greystones and they want a reference from my last Irish employer so I just called out to ask if you would give me a reference” Sarah hardly paused for breath.

“Come in Sarah. I’m sure I can manage that for you.” She said with a sigh.

She brought Sarah into the study. She picked up some writing paper and started to write.

“Give me your full name… and the dates you were here.”

Sarah supplied the information and Rachel continued writing.

“What was your reason for leaving? I seem to remember you gave me very little notice.”

“Yes I was sorry about that but you see I was expecting a baby at the time.”

“I see” Rachel hesitated. “Did you get married then?”

“No. I didn’t. He was a married man.” Something in Sarah’s demeanour made Rachel curious.

“When did you have the baby? – I take it you did have the baby.”

“Oh yes I did. I gave him up for adoption. He was born on the 1^st February – I’ll always remember that date.”

“And where did you have the baby?”

“He was born in Holles Street.”

Rachel stared at the girl. Her curiosity deepened. “And may I ask who the father was?”

Sarah appeared very ill at ease now, worrying that she might have said too much.

“Oh just a friend at the time. I didn’t know much about sex then.”

“Did you see your baby at all?”

“No. Oh I mean yes. Just once. I just wanted to get over it and go out to join my cousin in America. Brenda was very good to me and made all the arrangements for me. I would have been lost without her.”

Rachel stared at the girl. If her suspicions had any foundation, then she had opened a pandora’s box. Should she give the girl the reference, but what was she to do? A girl comes to the house and says she had a baby on the same date Tony was born. Was it just a coincidence?

“Did you have an affair with the father of your baby?”

“Oh no, no. It only happened once. I learned my lesson. I was a bit drunk. I knew it was my fault.”

She gave the girl the reference, saw her out, and went back to the study. After all you cannot prevent a girl getting a job because she had a baby. She poured herself a drink, lit a cigarette and sat in the study. There was no one else in the house today. The children were out and her housekeeper was away for the afternoon. What added to her suspicions was the fact that Brenda had helped her. She was reminded of a day in Provence when Brenda had asked her about adopting a third child. The child of a “very good friend.” Could it have been that Brenda and Victor had been in league? It seemed that the whole story was now unfolding. Victor’s obsessive love for Tony was evidence in itself. Sarah’s name was not on the birth certificate she was sure of that. Or was she?

But what could she do about it? She had lied about his ability to father a child. He did not question her statement at the time. She couldn’t tell him at the time that the fault was hers. Why? She was never quite sure. She could never be the underdog in any situation. She couldn’t leave herself open to his taunts – the taunts she herself hurled at him instead through the years.

So the child she’d been rearing was Victor’s and her maid. She was aware of how Victor’s life had changed since then. He came home earlier, he played with the boy, took him fishing and to football matches when the child was barely able to understand such activities. He was always present at Tony’s school games.

So what now? They had fooled her – Brenda and Victor. She should be seething. She should be spitting fire but the simple truth was that Tony adored her. He looked to her for confirmation, for her pleasure at his achievements. He was very demonstrative and always rushed to greet her and hug her when she arrived home.

She sat there still smoking for an hour or more, knowing in her heart that she too loved the boy. She had not always been faithful to Vic and had even had a liaison lasting three months, which only came to an end because she felt he was becoming suspicious.

She would do nothing because there was nothing she could do, or wanted to do. She had too much to lose. She would have to face Victor knowing that after thirteen years he had found out she had lied to him. How had he kept it to himself? He had done so because he had his son living with him and his family. He had not been lacking in his attentions to Jenny and Brian and had taken the three of them on their many excursions. In those last few years she herself had become more a part of the family and this had been because of Victor’s participation in the family unit.

She did not feel strong enough to confront him now. Some time when they might be closer she would tell him about Sarah and try to defend her lying to him. It might be next month, next year, or in a couple of years.

In the meantime she would go on loving the child who was Victor’s flesh and blood, along with the rest of her family.

**** **** **** **** ****