Before any other human, I have to thank my mother, Angelique, for pouring love into me when I needed some to pour into this story. Thank you for teaching me to be strong. How to laugh with my whole soul and build relationships with my whole heart. I love you so much, Momma. Your baby, forever.
To my babies, my moon and sun. I’m not sure when I’ll want you to read this book, but when this page finds you, please know that I wouldn’t be an author if it wasn’t for looking at the two of you and realizing I needed to follow my heart. To show you that you can follow yours too. Thank you for hugging me while my back ached from long days at the computer, kissing me and telling me your own stories to get me through. There will never be anyone or anything I love more. My’ah and Jada, you chase my dark away.
To Antonio, blood isn’t the only way to be family. Thanks for being a proud father, the best grandfather, and someone we can depend on. We really love you!
To Nilson Abreu, you are a superhero whenever I need you to be and I’ll love you forever for it. We make the best team for our kids. And when they are happy, we are better for it.
To my brothers Los, Jadin, and Troy for being so supportive and brainstorming with me tirelessly. Thank you for being my first friends and for giving me this love of sibling stories. I feel about you all the way Nat feels about Dev. Forever. You mean the world to me.
Thank you to my amazing nana Dolores who helped raise me, my dad Alex, my vovo Armanda, mother-in-law Juana Abreu, my aunties and titis, uncles, cousins, all six of my brothers, everyone in my ridiculously big family for the wild memories: good and bad, I come from them. They made me the person that wrote this story.
Jose Rivera. Dear Papa, thank you for walking me around Providence, teaching me to fish and garden and telling me stories. My childhood was filled with so much good that is in this book. Back then, I looked at you like you were magic and it is in everything that I do now. Mahal Kita. Your full moon, forever.
To my best friends of nineteen wild years: Kathy Reyes, my cousin Shy Lopez, and Jenny Ramirez. Those Kennedy Plaza walks were some of the best walks of my life. Mili, Inez, Nat, and Jas wouldn’t be the girls they are without you. I wouldn’t be the woman I have become. You are all my family. My squad. My foursome, and all the other corny things we’ve called our four-person friendship over the years. I love you bitches.
To Dania De La Cruz, who made her way to the afterlife early. Grief is hard and I learned it young. I think about you all the time. I love you. Till we meet again.
To Carlos Cruz Sr. and my auntie Debbie Collier. If I close my eyes and concentrate, I can almost hear you both telling the world you’re proud of me. Thank you for pure love and for my life. Rest peacefully.
To Em North, my writing soulmate and friend, who has read this book three times!! There is no one who seems to get what I’m trying to say more than you do and I’ll never forget it. I love you!
To emily m. danforth. Hi, friend. Thank you for seeing something in me years ago, for telling me publishing is a place I belong too. For writing with me, talking horror, and all the laughter.
Shirlene Obuobi, my little writing sis. Thank you for your love of Deep, for reminding me to be brave (especially when that imposter syndrome hits), and loving me through my madness the way I love you. “Prepare for trouble, make it double.”
To Isha Abreu, ug, you’ve been so solid through this journey. I guess I love you a little bit and appreciate you a lot.
To my auntie Lolita Villanueva, Karla Alba, Kyle Kirrin, Kelly Cardenas, uncle Jose Rivera Jr., auntie Yolanda Rodrigo, Cris Rivera, Beryl Fisher, Belle Ellrich and other booksellers and bloggers, and anyone else who played a part in reading bits of this book, helping me with it, or hyping it up. Thank you all so very much. You’re incredible and appreciated.
To my amazing agent, Jess Regel, who seems to know what my anxious brain is spiraling about before I even say it. Thank you for finding DIP a home & being on my team. You’re a badass!
Thank you to my editor, Mark Podesta, for coming through to make DIP a better book. Your happy is infectious! To Tiff Liao for seeing something in this story, for teaching me so much, and for editing with love. To Christian Trimmer, Aurora Parlagreco, Cienna Smith, Alexei Esikoff, Ally Demeter, Cindy Kay, Gaby Salpeter, Brittany Pearlman, the editing and production team and everyone at Holt who helped bring this book into the world.
Thank you to Carrie Shipers. This book was only a baby, and I was feeling defeated by perfectionism when you said, “Fifty beautiful pages will only ever be fifty beautiful pages if you don’t keep putting down words.” It was probably one of the most important things I’ll ever hear.
Special thanks to the incredibly talented authors who read and blurbed my book in its early stages: Kylie Lee Baker, Vanessa Len, Lyndall Clipstone, Romina Garber, Racquel Marie, Melissa Albert, Kalynn Bayron, Lillie Lainoff, Ryan Douglass, and Goldy Moldavsky.
Philip M Johnston. There will never be enough words. You know how I feel about you, the sun, and the existence of Deep. Thank you for mirroring me and connecting me with the parts of myself I avoided until I needed to write this book (and all the ones to come). Always. All ways.
Thank you to my younger self, for not giving up. Look at what we created. Look at our book baby. I’m so damn proud of you. My eyes are burning with tears as I type this. Please keep pushing through the hard times. It’ll be worth it.
Most importantly, to God for all of this, and for loving me anyway.