The street in front of me has always been long, but I’ve never been pregnant until now. I walk halfway, and I’m out of breath when Aaron cuts the corner and walks up to me.
“I knew I’d catch you before you got on the bus,” he says, and I’m dazed seeing him, dizzy from it and the hormones and the heat.
I lean against someone’s fence. “You ridiculous? What if my mom or Victor saw you?”
He rubs the back of his neck. “She doesn’t even know what I look like, and I watched Victor hop on his bus earlier. This street doesn’t belong to her anyway. We’re safe.”
I cut my eyes at him. “Well, don’t you have someplace else to be, since you can’t show up for me?”
“I tried apologizing, but you hung up,” Aaron says. “And I left a message with Victor, pretending to be one of your little church friends yesterday. You haven’t called me.”
“I’m not going to be late for school, Aaron. I’ll call you later.”
But he closes the distance between us by pulling me into a hug. I push him away. I’m mad, and we’re out in the open in broad daylight.
“Why haven’t you been around?” I say. “Are you in some kind of trouble?”
He shakes his head.
I give him a look, and he sighs. “I’ve been really busy making some runs.”
“Runs?” I question, and then my stomach sinks. The dizziness doubles back and I feel like I’m going to faint. “Are you selling drugs?”
“It’s only weed,” he says. “My family really needs the money. Mom’s out of a job.”
Forget being a young mother, if the US finds out I have a drug-dealing boyfriend, I’ll never be able to petition for Papi. “I can’t be with a drug dealer, Aaron. I can’t.”
He opens his mouth to protest, but then nods. “Your father,” he says after a few seconds.
I don’t speak. He pulls me close, plays with my hair. I feel the anger in me dissolving to something quieter. I missed him. I want him around. I understand why he needs to make money, but he doesn’t need to make it like this. “Not just that, but I can’t be worried you’re out on the streets risking your life when you shouldn’t have to.”
“Hey, hey.” He keeps his arm around my waist but leans back to look me in the eyes. “I’ll stop selling. Let me just get rid of what I picked up, then I promise I will.”
Cars pass by us on the street. I turn my face from them. “You should be in school too.”
“Not today.”
My throat is dry, my stomach hurts, and tears well in my eyes. “Did you drop out?”
“No, but I keep thinking, who will pay the rent and keep my brothers off the streets if I’m worried about school? Especially if I’m not selling drugs. I’ll need to work full time.” He gets close again, says sweet things about missing me and loving me. “Let’s hop on Bus 11, and I’ll walk you the rest of the way. One of us needs a degree.”
“I’m pregnant,” I snap. “I’m pregnant; you’re dealing drugs and might drop out of school.”
He takes a deep breath against my neck. Then lets me go and backs away till he hits the fence. “What?” I can see in his face he’s trying to work out which time it happened, but he asks, “How do you know?”
The distance between us brings a fresh wave of ache for him. My body begs for him to come back, but my mouth goes to work. “I took a test, and my period is MIA. Also, there’s the morning sickness and deep naps.”
He swings his arms and takes a breath. Then he sits on the sidewalk. “You’re napping?”
“I have to nap.”
“Wow, you really are pregnant.”
“Is that all you have to say?” I roll my eyes. “Aaron, what are we going to do?”
He clasps his hand to his mouth, speaks through his fingers. My body is above him, blocking sunlight and dousing him in shadow. He looks different from up here. He is a face and body of hard lines and dark circles from sleepless nights. He is too old for his time, and even when I step out of his sunlight, he still looks tired.
“Shit, Inez. Give me time to process this, please?”
“I tried to tell you sooner.”
His voice is low and desperate. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay?”
I drop down beside him. We watch people walk up the street, cars pass. I’m nervous but scoot over and lean my head against him. Mili and Nat would probably judge me if they could see how soft I am with him, but I’m relieved he finally knows. It soothes something in me to be close to him. It feels like medicine when he tilts his head and kisses my forehead.
Until he says, “When’s the baby due?”
My eyes snap up to meet his. “I never said I was having the baby.”
He stares at me for a few seconds. I count five. “You talking about an abortion?”
“I’m too young to have a baby, Aaron.”
“And you think it’s okay to make this decision without me?” He stands up suddenly and steps into the street. Someone on a bike swerves to pass him. My hands reach for him out of instinct, but he’s too far.
“I’m talking about it with you now, aren’t I? Get out of the street. You’re too young for a baby too,” I say.
I stand up to grab his hand and pull him back onto the sidewalk. “Aaron, think of what you’re saying. We haven’t even graduated high school. My mom would kill us.”
“I hear you, but doesn’t mean we should kill our baby.”
I can hear tires rolling up the street, birds chirping on the power lines, someone whistling somewhere, but I can’t see anything except for him.
He steps forward and cups my face in his big hands, massages my cheeks with his thumb. “People our age have babies all the time. Your mom will get over it. Think about how happy she’ll be with a grandchild to dress up for church.”
“She won’t ever show her face in church again,” I say. “She’ll never forgive me.”
And she definitely won’t ever forgive him. Unless I make her. Maybe there’s a spell to make her more understanding. Maybe I can wish it on her. I haven’t used that kind of magic on anyone since Victor. I take a breath, remembering the uneasiness in his face after he spoke to me that day. But what I also remember is how steady my heart was beating, how in control I felt.
I look into Aaron’s eyes and sigh. I can’t go around using magic on everyone. Natalie said if I believe in God, then maybe I should believe God gave me this power. But if that’s the case, what if I’m being judged for the way I use it?
Aaron’s adamant, not realizing Mami will think the devil sent him into our lives. “She will forgive you, and I’ll figure this job situation out. Maybe stay in school or get my GED. Think about it? For me?”
I let him kiss me. But at school, while Nat talks shit about how Aaron won’t be the one bearing most of the responsibility and while Mili wonders if maybe a baby will help him get on track to clean up his life, I can’t stop wishing there was going to be no baby at all.