It’s Devin’s last game of the season. He’s in the locker room, sitting on the bench with his face in his hands. I know he’s crying because Ma isn’t here. I rub his back. I tell him his team is waiting. He says, “I don’t care. Fuck this game.”
“Hey, hey. It’s okay to cry, but don’t you dare give up on what you love. You’re the one that taught me life keeps moving even when you feel like it’s gotta stay still. Ma’s not here, but I am. You hear me?” I mush his face between my hands. “Don’t let her take this from you.”
He moves out of my grasp. Sobs bend his back for a bit. He sucks in a breath. Turns to face me. “I love you, Natty.”
Hearing him call me what Ma does makes me cry too, but I wrap my arms around him and bring him close. “And I love you, Dev. Always.” He usually seems so big next to me, but right now he’s my baby brother. “How long do you need?”
“A few minutes,” he says. “Just a few.”
I kiss his head. “I’ll be waiting for you in the bleachers with my camera, so play a good game or I’ll catch you slipping.”
He laughs, wipes his nose with his jersey. “Sisters are annoying.”
When I get to the bleachers, Leanna’s there with her purse on the seat she saved me. She has on a shirt with Dev’s number on the front. I make fun of her some, but it makes me proud to have her here. Dev comes out, and his team huddles around him. I bet they’re comforting him in their own way. The court buzzer goes off, and he looks back at us and he smiles big.
After Leanna takes us out to celebrate Dev’s big win, she sits at our kitchen table and sorts the house bills. I take deep breaths while standing in front of her, reminding myself of the talk I had with Ray about taking risks. She looks up when I pull letters out of my bag and lay them down in front of her. She picks all six of them up, but after reading the first one, she gasps so hard tears spring into my eyes.
“Oh my God, Natalie,” she says, spreading them over the table. “These are all acceptances?” I don’t answer. She looks up at me. “How’d you pay for apps?”
“Worked extra hours at the bodega,” I say. “And some schools waived the fees with proof of low income.”
She bites the side of her cheek for a moment. “Why didn’t you tell me you applied?”
“I didn’t think it would matter,” I say, “but I want to go to art school. Tell me how we can make this happen. Tell me if it’s possible.”
Leanna puts down the letters and gets up from the table to hug me. She cries and I cry, and the hug feels like I’ve needed it all my life. “You’re going to art school, Natalie. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”
The plan is to move Dev in with Leanna as soon as summer hits. Harriet offered her spare bedroom for whenever he needs to be closer to school for early games. Dev doesn’t complain about the move, tells everyone his big sis is going to RISD, even though I haven’t decided on a school yet. Mr. Ortega hands me a bonus check to help me pay for freshman year’s books. It feels like everyone’s making sacrifices for me. It’s so heavy and scary I want to change my mind. Decline my acceptances to take pictures in my bedroom with the blue carpet and the wooden walls and the window that looks out at Harriet’s porch.
Newport Bridge looks different when you’re not in a car. Ray lets me hold his hand real tight as we glance over the edge. Down, down, down into the water. The wind blows and takes my air supply with it. I wish my friends were here with me. I wish they could see me doing something wild. I let go of Ray to hold the railing. “Okay, this isn’t so bad.”
“We could’ve started with a smaller bridge,” he says.
“No. I got this.”
Ray pulls out the harnesses we need to climb. “You sure? Maybe we should go get some ice cream and tacos.”
“This now, that later?”
His beautiful smile shines brighter for me way up here.
I look up at the bridge while he’s tying the harness around me, and it feels like it’s miles into the sky. My breath gets caught in my throat, and I shake my head. “You know what, let’s go get those tacos. I won’t be able to attend art school if I’m dead.”
He laughs and pulls me in for a kiss. “You’re perfect,” he tells me. “And I think I’m in love with you.”