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I didn’t want to go to sleep. Lying in bed, Jasper wrapped around me, I decided I was a cuddler after all. Bruce always grumbled that he needed his cool space when we slept together. Maybe that was a metaphor for something else? And why the hell was I thinking about Bruce?
I drifted off with the sound of Jasper’s breathing in my ear and the feel of his hand cupping my breast. He was here for three more weeks and I intended to enjoy them.
I awoke to sunlight on my face and the sound of my cellphone chiming with a message. Jasper slept beside me, face down in the pillow, arms stretched out. A bed hog, but the sexiest one to ever share mine. I still wanted to hug myself with glee.
Focus, Caitlin. I opened the text from Deanna and scanned the contents. She’d sent me a link to another property worth looking at, and only listed today. Decent part of town, price a little higher than I was comfortable with, but available immediately. I needed to call the agent, but I wanted some clothes on first. I grabbed clean panties and T-shirt, and diverted into the bathroom.
Jasper didn’t move when I returned to the bedroom, so I grabbed my phone and left him sleeping.
Perched on a stool at the kitchen counter, I called the realtor and left a voicemail, requesting to view the property this morning. It was only eight o’clock. They probably weren’t open yet.
The electricity had been restored at some point, and that meant I could make coffee.
I paced while I waited for the kettle to boil. There was nothing I could do until the agent called back. Nothing to stop me making coffee and taking it back to bed, to share with my lover. Wow. I didn’t dream the whole thing, did I? Nope. The pleasant ache between my thighs was testament to that.
I poured hot water onto the coffee grains, stirred the mixture, and while it brewed, dug out mugs and a jar of dark-brown sugar. With enough sweetness, I could overlook the lack of milk.
With two mugs in hand, I went back to the bedroom, fully expecting to see Jasper still asleep. I could kiss my way down his spine to wake him.
Or not. He sat on the edge of the bed. Fully dressed.
He snapped his gaze toward me. There was no mistaking the guilty look in his eyes or the firm set of his lips.
“Hi.” I gave him my brightest smile. “Coffee? The power’s back on. I haven’t checked the news yet, so I don’t know if the slip has been cleared.”
Babbling wasn’t attractive, but he made no move to interrupt. He seemed to be fascinated by his watch strap, loosening it and then fastening it again. “Thanks.”
My heart thudded. This wasn’t how the morning was supposed to play out. “How’s your leg? Do you need more painkillers?”
“Uh... no.” He glanced up long enough to take the offered drink, and then stared away, this time into the depths of his mug. “Thing is, they made me a bit high.”
Oh God. He said that last night too, and I thought he was messing about. He didn’t regret this, did he?
Jasper looked me in the eye, before staring back into his coffee. “We shouldn’t have slept together.”
Ding. An imaginary gameshow host applauded my correct answer.
“We shouldn’t?” What about all the lovely things he said? How he wanted me? Found me sexy?
“No. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
He could have slapped me in the face, and it wouldn’t have stung more. “So you only fucked me last night because you got high on my painkillers? Thanks.”
I was hot with anger, my hands trembling, but as much as I wanted to hurl my coffee at him, I longed to run away and hide. Preferably for a few years.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
Crying in front of him wasn’t an option. I blinked back the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks, and scoffed at his words. “Really? That’s exactly how it sounded.”
“Caitlin.” He placed the mug on the floor, pushed himself to a standing position, and groped for his stick. Finally, he looked at me. What on earth did he see? Saggy tits without a bra, bedhead hair, and marshmallow thighs? Not my best in the harsh morning light.
“I didn’t mean that.” He made a sweeping motion with his hand. “Whatever you think. It was good last night.”
“I can feel a but coming.”
He huffed. “I’m leaving in a few weeks. The last thing I want to do is get involved with anyone. I told you I’m still messed up from Cindy, and in some ways you remind me of her.”
“Was she a lardarse as well?”
He narrowed his eyes, and pointed at me. “There, that’s exactly what I mean. She had hang-ups about her looks and was never satisfied. No matter what I told her or how stunning she was, she didn’t believe me. And it got old real quick.”
I should have thrown him out at that point, but dumbass that I was, I wanted to cling to him a little longer. Maybe he wasn’t good at articulating himself first thing in the morning? “And you think I’m the same?”
“I’m sorry, Caitlin. I won’t go through that level of head-fuckery again. Not for you, not for anyone.”
Standing there half-dressed, my dignity might have flown out the window, but I still had my pride. I lifted my chin, clutched the coffee to my chest, and waited a moment until I could speak without my voice trembling. “It was just sex, Jasper.” I forced a casual shrug. “What’s your problem?”
His eyes darkened, but he stayed silent.
Well, that was his opportunity to tell me I was wrong—that it was more than just sex—but he didn’t. When would I learn? One drop of attention, and I lapped it up, pathetically grateful for the merest hint of a compliment. I stood no chance against a full-on seduction from the likes of Jasper. I’d been putty in his hands.
We stood in my bedroom, swept along in a tsunami of awkwardness. Nothing in my limited experience could suggest how to deal with this situation—the one-night-stand who couldn’t wait to escape, but needed a ride home. Was I mature enough to spend an hour in the car with him without resorting to tears? Probably not.
When my phone burst into life in the kitchen, I grabbed the interruption with relief. It was the realtor, inviting me to view the property in an hour. My yes was fervent.
I turned around to see Jasper, but this time I knew what to say. “I have another location to look at. I’ll check if the trains are running, and if they are, I can drop you off at the station.” He opened his mouth to speak, but I talked over him. “I’m going to be busy today. I’m sure you don’t want to tag along behind me.”
Too late, I realized my barb was double-edged.
Jasper scowled. “I’d hate to slow you down. The train is fine.”
“I’ll get dressed, and then I can take you across town.”
“Don’t bother.” He snatched up his jacket. “I may look like a cripple, but I can get to the station by myself.”
How did we get to this point? Last night was beyond wonderful, but in the space of a few minutes, we were ripping each other to shreds. Did I hurt him as badly as he hurt me? It wasn’t my intention.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and silently counted to five. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound rude.”
A beat later, he replied, his voice low. “I’m sorry too.” He hesitated. “See you, Caitlin.” Without a backward glance, he limped to the door and let himself out.