Jenna
I wake up in this content, blissful warmth, my body snuggled up tight against Felix. His arm is around me, and I can hear the steady beat of his heart as we lie there.
There’s nothing empty or lost about waking up with him. It’s the exact opposite. Last night it was like I was finally found, like the pieces of my heart I didn’t even know were broken are knitting themselves back together. I’m happy, purely happy, in this soul-deep way I’ve never been able to fully capture in any of my dozens of songs about love.
Soul mates. I don’t think I ever believed in that concept before, but I do now. There’s no other way to explain the connection we had from the very beginning, so intense, and as instinctive as my own heartbeat. No other way to explain how I fell in love so quickly, and so completely. But I did, and I know what I told him last night was true—all that time, maybe all my life, I’ve been searching for him.
For us.
I stretch out against him, so even our toes are in contact.
Felix stirs, and blinks a few times before his blue eyes settle on me. They crinkle at the sides as he smiles. His blond hair juts up at adorably crazy angles and I want to run my hands through it. Again and again.
He opens his mouth to say something, but Alec’s door opens. I hurriedly pull the sheet up higher on my body as Alec emerges from his room and ambles to the bathroom in his black silk boxers. He gives us the barest of dark looks.
“Hey,” Felix says.
“Hey,” Alec says back. And then he goes into the bathroom and shuts the door.
“Well, I’d give that interaction about a four on the Gabby Scale of Extreme Awkwardness,” Felix says, and I laugh.
“Gabby requires her own personal Scale of Awkwardness?”
“She seems to think so.” He rolls over to face me. “She’s pretty sure everything awkward and embarrassing in the world happens to her, but I don’t actually think she has worse luck than anyone else.” He smiles. “She just has a funnier way of telling the stories then the rest of us.”
I link my fingers with his. “I’d love to get to know her more.” Just based on how much I liked her when we first met, that would be true enough. But I know how much Felix loves Gabby, and I could see how much she loves him back. And I want to be part of his life every bit as much as I want him to be part of mine.
“I’d like that too.” His lips quirk up. “Even if it’ll just give you both more ammunition to mock me with.”
“Mmm,” I say, leaning over and kissing him. “I think your ego could handle it.”
He chuckles and pulls me in tighter, trails his fingers lazily along my side, sending goosebumps all along my skin. “Probably. Especially after last night.”
“Yeah? Your ego feeling pretty good?” I tease.
“Everything’s feeling good,” he says, and I smile. I couldn’t agree more. I’ve never had sex like that before, so full of passion and longing and pure, incredible love. Never has it felt so real, or so right—not to mention just plain hot.
I knew he’d be good with his fingers.
My body is heating up, and all kinds of ready to try that out again, and more, but suddenly I hear the faucet turn on in the bathroom and that reminds me Alec could come out any minute.
I groan. “We’re going to have to get up and deal with him at some point, aren’t we?”
“Yeah,” Felix says, not sounding much happier about it than I am. “With him up, and Ty probably up soon, we’re heading towards way higher than a four on the awkward scale.”
As much as I want to bask in the warmth of our little haven in bed together, he’s not wrong about the awkward potential.
So we get up, and Felix searches for his clothes and I grab some fresh ones, though without a shower we both make our way downstairs looking walk-of-shame worthy. Ty’s watching cartoons like he usually does when he wakes up before me, though he excitedly abandons them to bounce around us and ask Felix millions of questions, like “why aren’t you going to have a baby?” and “are you going to sleep over every night?” and “do you think Voldemort is scarier than Darth Vader?”
Felix takes all these questions in that amazing stride of his, answering each one and the slew of follow-up questions each one requires, while I make pancakes and eggs with real maple syrup. We eat breakfast together, and then Felix clears the plates and does the dishes, like it’s a routine we have.
My heart swells at how good this all feels, how natural.
Ty takes a sip from his cup and sets it down, a little orange juice mustache on his upper lip. “So if you aren’t my real dad, what are you?”
Felix looks back at me from the sink and raises an eyebrow.
“Your mom’s boyfriend,” I say, and Felix grins at me.
But I can see it now, just like I did last night when we were playing Life, when Felix was reading to Ty before bed. The three of us, a family. I know it’s still only a hope, a possibility, but right now it feels like I’m seeing our future.
A future I want more than anything.
When I arrive at practice that afternoon—our last before our Los Angeles performance the day after tomorrow—Roxie and Leo are already there. They’re arguing about whether or not the sharp pointed heels of Leo’s boots constitute high heels and therefore turn them into women’s shoes. I stay out of it.
Felix, Alec and I all drove separately, and Felix said he had some errands to run, which gave me a chance to make the lemon meringue pie I’m bringing, and also to drop Ty off at my parents. I can only imagine the earful he’s going to be giving them about Felix staying over. I don’t worry about them keeping a secret, but undoubtedly they’re going to be concerned about me essentially moving in with a boyfriend I’ve only known a week. They trust me now, though. And I know they’ll love Felix when they see how good he is to Ty and me.
I’m more worried about sharing the news with Leo and Roxie, who may be understandably concerned about how this might affect the band. Hence, the pie—though I wait for Felix to show up, so we can tell them together.
Felix arrives just as Roxie and Leo have decided to stand hip to hip and compare the heights of their heels.
“See?” Leo says. “Your boots are taller.”
“Mine are platforms.” Roxie gyrates her hip against his. “It’s completely different.”
Felix comes down the stairs, looking like he’s trying not to laugh.
“Guys,” I say. “I need to tell you something. Can you pay attention for five minutes without grinding against each other?” I realize with some consternation that I probably sound like Alec. But really, even Felix and I weren’t that bad during band practice.
Though we did plenty of grinding last night. My body flushes all over again with the memory. It’s been doing that a lot today.
Leo and Roxie retreat to opposite sides of the room and stand behind their respective instruments.
“Grind against Leo?” Roxie says. “Ew.”
Felix looks over at me and I shake my head. I’m not sure if they’re having a fling and trying to hide it from the rest of us, or they’re just completely oblivious, but as Leo ducks his head to tune his guitar, I can see the back of his neck is bright red.
It’s now or never, I suppose.
I hold up the pastry box and two forks. “I brought you guys a pie.”
“Sweet!” Leo says. “Wait, this one isn’t for Felix, is it?”
“No,” I say. “For you and Roxie.”
Leo takes the pie and digs in with a fork, while Roxie protests and squishes up next to him on the couch to get her share.
“There’s something we need to tell you,” I say.
Leo raises his eyebrows. “Is this a band meeting?” he asks around a big bite of lemon custard. “Because Alec isn’t here yet.”
“Alec already knows.” I take a deep breath. “Felix and I are dating now.”
Roxie and Leo both take another bite of pie, and neither looks even the tiniest bit surprised. I wonder if maybe they aren’t getting the magnitude of this.
“We’re still keeping up the front for the tour,” I say. “So the official story will be that Felix is living in our guest room, because he needed a place to stay until the tour. And after that, we’ll see.” I pause, letting that note of uncertainty sink in. I can’t exactly tell them Felix and I are going to be figuring out an exit strategy at some point after the tour, since I haven’t broached that with Alec yet.
My stomach twists at the thought of that conversation. But I’m going to need to have it, and soon. Even though he’s been a dick lately, he deserves plenty of warning, and a say in the story we’re going to tell.
“Right on,” Leo says, unconcerned.
I hesitate. “You’re okay with this? Really?”
Roxie points at me with her fork. “It was totally obvious you guys were into each other. Alec was right. Just do it and get it over with.”
“We’re kind of thinking of this as a long-term thing,” Felix says. He steals a glance at me, and I grin.
Hell yes, we are.
“Sweet,” Leo says. “But Roxie’s right. It was totally obvious.” He elbows her. “How stupid do they think we are? Like we can’t tell when two people are attracted to each other.”
“For real,” Roxie says. “No one is that oblivious.”
I stare at them, about to say “No one? Really?” but as soon as I open my mouth, Alec bursts into the studio.
“All right!” he says, with more enthusiasm than I’ve heard from him since our last single beat out Shawn Mendes on the pop charts. “Everyone pumped for the show?”
Roxie and Leo both whoop and quickly down a few more bites of pie, and I realize I’m staring at Alec like he’s sprouted a second head.
“Let’s play!” Alec says.
Felix and I exchange looks. Maybe our luck is finally turning. Maybe Alec’s ultimately going to be okay with all this. He can be reasonable, after all, and I know he cares about me and wants me to be happy.
Maybe we can figure out a way for all of us to end up with what we really want.
We start practice, and Alec and I sing a love song to each other, but I look over at Felix and he’s smiling.
I’m glad he knows I mean it for him.