My breasts grew fat and my body grew slow and I monologued to Rose in my head. As she used to say. Thought all the time about calling her and leaving a voice mail that went something like Hello it’s me congratulations are in order I have not been looking both ways before crossing the street and I got hit by a truck, the same truck that hit you five thousand years ago at least I think it’s the same one if I took down the number on the license plate correctly, the number I wrote down as you lay in the street, yes so I got hit by this truck which means I have finally caught up to your old carelessness the one I thought you outgrew the one I thought I could avoid and here I am trying it on a hand-me-down just like Karl you had him first, didn’t you, and it fits perfectly he fits perfectly one day I’ll fall in love with someone I won’t have to hide from you I always thought you were going to steal something from me one day when I wasn’t looking or win something one day without really trying not very feminist of me not very generous of me given that you had nothing growing up compared to my something anyway I just thought you’d like to know so you could have the pleasure of judging me the way I judged you and maybe even be jealous of me the way I was jealous of you I know the smack you can talk about other women so I know you will get an immense amount of pleasure out of judging me for the hypocrite I have become plus remember the other five thousand years ago when you said catching hate from another woman was the only reliable way we have of knowing whether we’re winning well the hate I had for you that night when you were trying to tell me that you still wanted what I wanted which is to say everything and I didn’t want to listen I didn’t want to forgive you for not being me I couldn’t forgive you for never thinking you might have something to be sorry about too anyway that hate was just a compliment you should have known that or maybe you did please don’t call back I don’t think I miss you as much as I miss the people we were in lieu of flowers please tell Maria and Josephine they should always write more than they read they should always sing more than they listen they should always paint more than they look they should in fact never pick up a book you should tell them to go outside and play and stay outside and roam and never need or want a home because home only makes you sick for it the way I am homesick for you sorry not you just for the girls we were for how happy we were and it was the most fun I’ll ever have just standing next to you on a street corner on the way into some show some reading some party and one day if I ever get over myself which is looking unlikely maybe I’ll write this all out and send it to you as an application for your forgiveness but I don’t want to work that hard for anything anymore do you but I will if you do no I will if you do please I will if you do