What does PT stand for?
Physical Torture.
What do you call a man with a load of sports equipment on his head?
Jim.
Letter received excusing a pupil from the PE lesson:
‘My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE. Please could you execute him today.’
What does the winner lose in a race?
His breath.
In which lesson do you learn how to run through all the countries of the world?
Jog-raphy.
How did the barber win the race?
He knew a short cut.
Why was the football pitch so wet?
Because the players kept dribbling over it.
What do you call a girl who stands between two goal posts?
Annette.
A teacher starts work at a new school in north London.
She says, ‘I support Arsenal. Does anyone else support Arsenal?’
All the children put their hands up apart from Amy. The teacher asks her who she supports and she says ‘Tottenham Hotspur.’
‘OK,’ says the teacher, ‘so why do you support them?’
‘Because my dad supports them and so does my mum and my brother.’
‘OK,’ says the teacher. ‘But you don’t have to be the same as the rest of your family. What if your dad was an idiot and your mum was an idiot and your brother was an idiot? What would that make you?’
‘Well, then,’ says Amy, ‘I suppose it would make me an Arsenal supporter.’
One boy says to another, ‘I bet you a pound I can predict the score of any game of football before it begins.’
‘Go on then,’ says the friend. ‘Predict the score of the match this afternoon before it begins.’
‘OK,’ says the boy. ‘Nil-nil. That’s always the score before a game begins.’
Mum is telling one of her friends that her little boy has been chosen to be in the school cricket team.
‘That’s good,’ says her friend. ‘What position are they putting him in?’
‘I’m not sure,’ says Mum. ‘I think they said he was going to be one of the drawbacks.’
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold.
What can you make disappear just by standing up?
Your lap.
What do you get if you cross an overweight golfer and a pair of very tight trousers?
A hole in one.
What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
One goes ‘Whack. Oh no!’ The other goes, ‘Oh no! Whack.’
Who can hold up a bus with one hand?
A lollipop lady.
The PE teacher asks Hugo, ‘Why are you swimming on your back?’
‘Because I’ve just had dinner,’ says Hugo, ‘and you told us we shouldn’t swim on a full stomach.’
Why are you not supposed to swim on a full stomach?
It’s easier to do it in a swimming pool.
A schoolboy goes to the swimming pool where he climbs to the highest diving board.
He is just lifting his arms and is ready to dive when his teacher comes running out of the changing rooms and says, ‘What are you doing? There’s no water in the pool today!’
‘That’s alright, sir,’ says the boy. ‘I can’t swim.’
Letter received excusing a pupil from the PE lesson:
Please excuse Matthew from PE for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and now he has misplaced his hip.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the swimming pool quickly, I’m dwowning!