Empathy Principle 3 – “No” Before “Yes”

Contrary to popular belief, negotiations should not start with “yes”. The biggest point to remember is that “no” introduces clarity, while “yes” leaves us in the unknown.

PRINCIPLE 1:

Look to get a “No”

No is the pathway to agreement (“yes”). “No” gets the other party to feel they are in control.

7 possible meanings of “no”:

1. I'm not yet ready to agree
2. I feel uncomfortable
3. I don't understand
4. I don't think I can afford it
5. I want something else
6. I need more information
7. I want to talk it over with someone else

PRINCIPLE 2:

Follow a “no” with a solution based question

• “what about this doesn't work for you?”
• “what would you need to make it work?”

3 possible meanings of “yes”:

1. an easy escape route OR keep the conversation open in order to gain an edge
2. innocent affirmation to move past a point, but not a commitment to action
3. true agreement that leads to action

PRINCIPLE 3:

Guide them to choose your way from their perspective

Chris says the best negotiators help the other side feel like they've arrived at what you want on their own.

PRINCIPLE 4:

“No” is their protection

Discomfort arises when a person feels they are being pushed to say “yes”. Help people feel comfortable by providing them the opportunity to say “no”

In some situations you may find you need to force a “no”.

Here are two options:

1. Mislabel the other party's emotions or desires.

2. Ask the other party what they don't want.

PRINCIPLE 5:

Get responses to an email with a “no”.

Send an email with the single line, “Have you given up on this project?”

This line suggests to the other person that you are willing to walk away. It gets people to feel they need to defend themselves by giving you a “no”.