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PRINCIPLE 1 :
Get a “That's Right”
Instead of seeking a "yes", seek a "that's right". This entire chapter is summed up in the phrase "before you convince them to agree to what you are trying to accomplish, you have to say something that will get them to say "that right".
This is not to be confused with a “you're right”. Chris noted that “you're right” is often a sign of disengagement, and an attempt to end the conversation, or get you to reveal more.
REASON: “That's Right” breaks down defenses. It helps the other person to feel understood and affirmed, and it often reveals their true motive.
NOTE: Chris has noticed that oftentimes a “that's right” comes along with the addition of extra information.
Ask questions and make statements including labeling from empathy principle #2
PRINCIPLE 2 :
Give a summary
The key to giving a summary is to combine a re-articulation of what the other party said with your understanding of the underlying emotions.
It can be summed up as: paraphrasing + labeling = summary
STEP 1: Use silence to provide the space for the other person to give you information.
STEP 2: Use small verbal encouragements for them to continue; such as, “yes”, “okay” “uh-huh” or “I see”.
STEP 3: Repeat back to the other person what they said. (aka mirror)
STEP 4: Demonstrate that you understand how they feel by labeling their emotions
STEP 5: Paraphrase in your own words what you heard them say.
STEP 6: Summarize by providing the meaning of what was said along with the emotions underlying the meaning.
