Love Affairs. Marriage Proposals. The Song of Solomon Can Be Used as a Matchmaking Device. Smallpox
I WAS FULL OF ENERGY WHEN I WAS YOUNG, and my personality was quite engaging. In matters of desire, I was passionate and impatient. But because I was brought up strictly and kept apart from women until I was eleven, I did not feel especially drawn to the fairer sex. One incident would dramatically change this.
A poor but very pretty girl, about my age, was brought into my parents’ house as a servant. I found her very attractive, and desires began to stir in me that I hadn’t [81] felt before. But strict rabbinic morality demanded that I make sure not to look at her too closely, and, even more important, not speak to her. And so I could only glance at her furtively now and then.
In keeping with the customs of the region, the women of the house generally went to the baths several times a week. One time, following an instinct and hardly even aware of what I was doing, I wound up going to the area where the baths were located. Thus it happened that I saw the pretty young girl get out of the warm bath and jump into the nearby river.
This sight transported me into a state of rapture. After I had recovered, I thought of the strict Talmudic laws and wanted to run back home, but I couldn’t. I stayed. It was as if I were rooted to the spot. Still, because I was scared of being caught, I went home, doing so with a heavy heart. From that point on, I was often agitated and occasionally had fits.1 [82] This condition lasted until I was married.
Our neighbor, the primary leaseholder, had two sons and three daughters. The oldest daughter, Deborah, was already married. The next oldest, Pessel, was about my age. The peasants in the area even claimed to see similarities between our faces, from which they surmised that there would in all likelihood be a union between us. And, indeed, we developed an attraction to each other. The leaseholder was very keen on having me as his son-in-law; my father did not object. But unfortunately, the leaseholder’s youngest daughter Rachel had fallen into a cellar, injuring her leg. Though she recovered, her leg was never again entirely straight, and my father wanted straight-legged Pessel, not crooked-legged Rachel, as his daughter-in-law. The leaseholder insisted that this wouldn’t happen, for he had decided to have the older daughter marry someone wealthy. His youngest daughter would be married to me, and as my father couldn’t contribute anything to the marriage, [83] the bride’s father would provide for us abundantly. Indeed, beyond offering a considerable dowry, he would add me to his list of heirs, and he would take care of all my needs for as long as he lived. Beyond all that, he promised to pay my father a certain sum immediately after the engagement. And he promised, as well, not only to refrain from challenging my father’s rights, but also to foster my father’s prosperity in every possible way. The enmity between the two families would cease, and in the future they would be joined in friendship.
If my father had entertained this proposal, he would have secured his family’s material wellbeing. I would have lived with a crooked-legged woman, to be sure, but she was also a kind wife, as I found out much later through my role as tutor in her house. Freed from all worries and living in lap of comfort, I could have pursued my studies without any impediments. Alas, my father brusquely rejected the leaseholder’s proposal. He had to have [84] Pessel as his daughter-in-law. And because this wasn’t possible, the feud between the families began again. Since the leaseholder was rich, he naturally came out on top.
Not long thereafter, my father received another marriage proposal. L. from Schmilowitz, a rich, learned man with only one daughter, was so taken with my reputation as a scholar that he chose me to be his son-in-law without ever having laid eyes on me. He began corresponding with my father about such a union, saying that my father could name his terms. My father answered in a high style, that is, in a mosaic of verses from the Holy Scripture and Talmudic quotations. He pithily formulated his conditions using the following verse from the Song of Songs: “The thousand guilders are for you, Solomon, and the two hundred are for those who have kept watch over your gifts.”2 All this was accepted. [85]
My father traveled to Schmilowitz, saw his future daughter-in-law, and had the marriage contract drawn up in accordance with the agreement. He immediately received two hundred guilders, but he wasn’t satisfied, claiming that he had set his request at two hundred guilders only because of the beautiful verse, which he hadn’t wanted to spoil. However, if he didn’t get twice two hundred guilders (about fifty Polish thalers), he would not be willing to go through with the deal. At this, he was paid another two hundred guilders and also given the so-called little presents for me: a black silk cap embroidered with gold, a Bible bound in green silk and adorned with silver clasps, etc.
He returned home full of joy, handed me my gifts, and said I should start readying myself for the disputation that I was to hold on my wedding day, which would be in two months.3 [86]
My mother immediately began to bake the cakes that she was responsible for bringing to the wedding, and also to make all kinds of homemade dishes. I had started to prepare for my disputation when we received the sad news that my bride had died of smallpox. My father was able to resign himself to the loss quite easily, for he thought: Without stooping to any sort of deception, you made fifty thalers off your son, and now you can get another fifty for him. Having never seen my bride, I couldn’t feel much sorrow over the loss either. I thought: The cap and silver-clasped Bible are now mine, and I won’t have any trouble finding another bride. I can even use my disputation later. Only my mother was disconsolate. Cakes and homemade dishes are ephemeral by nature, and they can’t be preserved for long. All my mother’s effort was thus rendered useless by the death of my bride. Not only that, my mother was unable to find a place where her cakes would be safe from my secret raids. [87]