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Chapter Nine

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Jon wished he knew what would help Channing accept their situation. All he could do was give him the support he thought he wanted, and use his touch to keep the beast inside his mate soothed. The longer Channing fought their attraction, the more difficult things would become. Eventually, neither one of them would be able to hold back. Jon feared if that happened, they would mate in a frenzy and possibly hurt one another. The last thing he wanted to do was injure his mate.

“We’re going to head back.” Alistair darted his worried gaze between the two of them. “Unless you need help.”

“We’re okay.”

The rest of the crew left, leaving Channing and Jon alone.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Jon continued to rub his back.

“I can’t seem to get my shit together.”

“You’ve got a lot on your plate right now.”

“No more than anyone else.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that.” Jon kissed the side of Channing’s head. “Quitting smoking is probably one of the hardest things anyone can do. You’re also on your first river trip and taking physically exhausting hikes.” Jon kissed him again. “And if all that wasn’t enough, you just found out your mate is a wolf-shifter.”

Channing laughed. “It sounds like the plot to a bad movie.”

“I think there is one.”

“A movie like this?”

“One called ‘My Boyfriend is a Werewolf’ or maybe ‘I was a Teenage Werewolf.’ I can’t remember.”

“You’re a wolf-shifter, not a werewolf.” Channing relaxed more deeply the longer Jon caressed him. “Tell me the difference.”

“Well, werewolves are controlled by the moon. Or at least that’s the lore. They can only shift when there’s a full moon, and they don’t know what they’re doing when they’re in their beastly bodies. A wolf-shifter like me can shift any time.”

“Even now?”

“Even now.”

“Don’t.” Channing clamped his hand onto Jon’s leg. “I don’t know if I could handle that right now.”

“I won’t.” Jon lifted and kissed the back of his hand then held it gently.

“What else?”

“I’m not exactly human.”

“Right. You’re a wolf-shifter.”

“I mean I wasn’t born human.”

Channing darted him a glance then examined him with curious eyes. “Meaning?”

“I was born a wolf.”

“Meaning?” Channing emphasized the word more strongly.

“This is actually my shifted form.”

“So you’re a human-shifter?”

“If you want to get technical.”

“I don’t know if I want to do that.” Channing leaned against Jon’s shoulder. “Why does it matter?”

“It doesn’t. I just thought you might want to know.”

“I do. Thank you for telling me. But I don’t understand.”

“What part?”

“If you’re really a wolf, why would you want a human like me?”

“Do you mean why do I like you, or why am I driven to claim you?”

“Why do you like me?”

“You’re cute.”

Channing laughed. “I thought you’d say something else first.”

“Well, looks matter. Call me shallow but they do.”

“I guess I’m shallow too because you are fucking gorgeous.”

“Thank you.” Jon kissed the side of his head again then nuzzled him with his nose. “Beyond that, you also intrigue me. Quitting smoking and coming on this trip and gutting it out on the hikes. You’re strong. You’re interesting.” Jon tightened his hold on Channing’s hand. “I’m looking forward to learning more about you.”

“And what about when we disagree?”

“We’ll have to sit down like we’re doing now and hash things out.”

“And if I don’t want to do what you want to do will you make me?” Channing’s voice was hardly a whisper. If the wind had been blowing, it would have carried the question away without Jon being able to hear him. More than anything else, Channing feared being bossed around the most.

“I will not ever make you do something you don’t want to do.”

“Never?”

“Never.”

“What if I want to live in New York?”

Jon thought he got it now. “You mean what if you want to, and I don’t?”

“Yeah.” Channing darted him a worried glance. “What happens then?”

“Then we sit down and find a way to compromise.”

“On equal footing?”

“Of course.” Jon lowered his head so he could meet Channing’s gaze. “We’re equals, Channing. That’s not going to change.”

“I just thought that most guys like you would be, well, bossy.”

“Oh, hell yeah.”

Channing’s eyes widened.

“It’s in my nature to be bossy, but I don’t want to boss my mate around.” Jon thought back to his initial thoughts when he’d tried to convince himself getting a submissive little mate would be just the thing. “I’m going to tell you something, but I want you to understand I don’t think this way anymore. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“When I first realized you were my mate, I thought it wouldn’t be so bad to have a little mate to wait on me hand and foot.”

Channing groaned.

“I know. What a shitty alpha attitude. I don’t know why I thought that when that’s the last thing I want.”

“You don’t want some guy to cater to your every whim?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not lying.” Jon chuckled. “It sounds good in theory, but it would get old fast.”

“How?”

“I’d have to tell you to do everything. I can barely keep my own schedule but trying to keep two? Aye-yi-yi.” Jon rolled his eyes.

Channing laughed.

“I want a partner, not a child I have to take care of. I want someone with dreams and drive, someone who can help me, but also someone I can help.” Jon released his hold. “Is that what you want?”

“I...”

Jon waited, giving Channing time to think.

“I’ve always wanted a boyfriend who wasn’t afraid to love me.”

Jon wasn’t sure what he meant and said so.

“I mean that they were okay fucking me, but love was too gay.”

“Uh...”

“Yeah. I know. Gay men afraid of being seen as too gay.” Channing sighed so hard it sounded as if he’d been holding that breath in forever. “They didn’t want to touch unless we were behind closed doors and no one else could see.”

“Sounds like they had some issues.”

“You’re not like that.”

“Nope. But I’m also big enough that homophobes don’t fuck with me.”

“That’s a good point.”

“Has anyone ever hurt you?”

“You mean a bully?” Channing shook his head. “I don’t stand out as gay, though. I think I did that on purpose. I didn’t want to lose gigs or be ostracized.” Channing glanced at him then away. “Makes me sound like a coward.”

“Not at all. Makes you human. No one wants to get into fights all the time. What kind of life would that be? You blended in to protect yourself. Just like my kind does.”

“So you’re really a wolf?”

“Yeah. But we weren’t able to live safely as wolves, so we learned how to shift into humans.”

“Then why aren’t you called human-shifters?”

“Didn’t we cover this?”

“I just don’t understand.”

“I guess we called ourselves that because we’re wolves who shift.”

“Shifting wolves.”

“Sounds too complicated.” Jon shook his head. “Wolf-shifters is just easier.”

“I guess it doesn’t really matter.”

“It’s only a description.” There was so much more Jon wanted to tell him about his history and the history of his kind, but overwhelming Channing wouldn’t help matters. Like learning to live on the river, a little bit at a time would help him acclimate.

“I think I’m ready to head back down.”

“Are you sure? The others won’t mind waiting.”

“I’m good. Just...”

“I’m here for you.”

“Okay.” Channing offered a weak smile.

“How about I go first?” That way, if Channing stumbled, he’d fall into him instead of down the trail.

“Okay.”

Jon took shorter steps than necessary and stopped to rest more often than he thought they needed. When they reached the beach, they found everyone playing Frisbee.

“See? They didn’t mind at all.”

“You’re all so adaptable.”

“It’s in our natures.”

Jon made sure Channing got more water and his sandwich then they set off for Carbon Creek.

A wide sandbar dotted with thick tamarisk bushes and large, sandstone boulders gave them plenty of room for the kitchen, the Groover, and sleeping areas with fantastic views all around them.

“You’ll like this place,” Jon said to Channing as the others pulled their boat up the shore.

“Why?”

“No hiking.”

Channing laughed. “Am I that transparent?”

“I just thought you’d like that detail.”

“I do. I can’t tell you how much I do.” Channing touched Jon’s arm but didn’t linger. “I just need one day off.”

“You’re getting two.”

“We’re staying here tomorrow?”

“Yep.”

“Oh, thank God.” Channing hung his head, laughed, then met Jon’s eyes. “I’m so tired. I don’t think I’ve ever been so tired.”

“That’s why we’re taking a break.” Jon cupped his chin and stroked gently over his bottom lip. Heat flowed between them, encouraging Jon to kiss Channing gently on the mouth. “We’ve got twenty-one days through the canyon. No need to rush.”

“And tonight...”

“Tonight?” Jon prompted.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for...” Channing trailed off then added, “I want to sleep near you tonight.”

“I’d like that.” They’d said three days and three nights, but Jon wouldn’t push. Channing would come to him when he was ready.

“Only...” Channing pressed his lips together and shook his head. “Never mind.”

“Ask. Anything I can do to make this easier for you, I will.”

“Why me?”

“You mean why do I like you?” Jon thought he’d been plenty clear about that at the granaries.

“Why a human like me?”

“I don’t know.” Jon helped him out of the boat then unstrapped the gear with his help. “We didn’t think we’d get mates.”

“Wait. What?”

“Let’s get the boat unloaded and set up a nice little campsite for ourselves then we can talk.”

With so many warm bodies, it didn’t take long to unload and set up.

“We’re getting to be pros at this.” Channing could set up the cots twice as fast as he could the first night.

“We’re getting into the groove.”

“As long as we’re not getting into the Groover.”

“I don’t think anyone wants that.” Jon staged whispered, “And if they do, I don’t want to know about it.”

“Ew, me either.” Channing considered.

“What?” Jon wondered what kind of question he’d come up with now.

“Don’t dogs like to roll in stinky stuff?”

“I suppose.”

“Don’t wolves?”

“If they’re trying to hide their scent, sure, but we don’t do that. Or at least I never have.” Jon considered. “Then again, I’ve spent more time as a human than I have as a wolf.”

“That seems sad somehow.”

“My kind gained the ability to turn human to protect ourselves.”

“Really?”

“Wolves were being hunted to extinction. They have been in some places.” A pain unlike any other ripped through Jon’s chest, but he refused to let it show. “Wearing the face of our enemy was the only way to survive.”

“So why would any of you want a human like me?” Channing settled on the edge of one of the cots.

“You didn’t hunt my kind, did you?” Jon sat across from him but down on the sand.

“I’ve never even held a gun.”

“Then you’re not the enemy.”

“But—” instead of asking a question, Channing just scoffed and trailed off.

“I wish I could answer your questions, but there’s a lot I don’t know.” Jon stroked his arm. “I’ll tell you everything I do know.”

“Okay. Why humans?”

“My guess is that there just aren’t enough of our own kind to go around.”

“Is that why you thought you wouldn’t get a mate?”

“That.”

“What else?” Channing asked.

“I kind of thought we were being punished for being the way we are.”

“You mean gay?”

“I mean gay.”

“I guess the gods don’t care about that after all.”

“I guess not.” Jon rose and brushed the sand off his butt.

Once they had their part of the setup complete, they moved to the far end of the main sandbar to set up their own camp.

“We’re pitching a tent?” Channing asked.

“I think it’s going to rain.”

“There’s not a cloud in the sky.”

“Yeah, well.” Jon shrugged. “I still think it’s going to rain.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“There’s only one question.”

“What’s that?”

“Do you want your own tent?” Jon waited after asking. When Channing hesitated, even though he didn’t want to, he offered, “There’s also the big tent where you can sleep with a bunch of other guys if that’s what you want.”

“I want to sleep with you in the same tent.”

“Okay.” Jon set up a three-man tent, giving them plenty of room. He put the cots inside but if they wanted to have sex, they could easily move them out of the way. Mostly, he tried to make things comfortable for Channing. He wanted him near but didn’t want to push.

Once they had their tent staked down tight, they went over to the kitchen to help Stone put dinner together.

They ate like kings. Pork chops, applesauce, macaroni and cheese, baked potatoes, and apple hand pies.

“How in the world does he do all this?” Channing asked, scarfing down another bite of mac and cheese.

“Magic.”

“I’m starting to believe that.”

Tonight, they let the others work kitchen duty.

“I thought we could go back to the tent and talk,” Channing said.

“I thought first we could clean up.” Jon showed Channing the wide, shallow area near where they’d set up their tent. The bathing area had good water flow but even if the river swelled, they wouldn’t be yanked out into the current. Since they were above where the Little Colorado fed into the big one, the water was still remarkably clear. Cold, but clean. And Jon wanted to be clean for Channing.

“Wait.” Jon had Channing gather their gear for a bath while he went to the kitchen. He returned with a large stockpot full of warm water.

“What an indulgence,” Channing said.

“I think Stone wants to help us along.”

“Why would he?”

“The sooner I claim a mate, the sooner he can claim one too.”

“I don’t understand.”

While they washed up, Jon explained. “We were kicked out of our packs because we’re gay.”

“All of you are from the same pack?” Channing stripped out of his clothing without any modesty at all. Amazing what a few days on the river could accomplish.

Jon joined him. “Different packs, but we weren’t going to reproduce so what good were we to them?”

“That’s very short sighted.”

“I think so too, but there wasn’t anything we could do about it.” Memories of that time tried to swamp Jon and turn his mood sour, but he refused to let it. “We all went lone wolf for a while. I think that’s just what we had to do. Prove to ourselves that we could survive alone and as wolves.”

“All alone?” Channing lathered his hair. “I can’t imagine.”

“You’ve been alone.”

“But not in the wilderness.”

“Alone in the wild or the city, it’s pretty similar, actually.” Jon thought back to the first time he’d met another like himself. “I met Stone first. He was so fucking big I thought he was just going to eat me.”

“Why didn’t he?” Channing worked lather over his chest and genitals then turned to let Jon get his back.

“He was hurt.” Jon stroked down to Channing’s perfect buttocks. “Smooth as the best whiskey in the world.”

Laughing, Channing turned around. “Now you.”

Jon turned to let his mate scrub his back. “Where was I? Oh, Stone. He’d gotten kicked out of his pack, turned wolf, and then got shot by hunters.”

“Did they know what he was?”

“I’m certain they just thought he was a huge wolf. Fuckers probably wanted him for a trophy.”

“What did you do?”

“I shifted to human and took him, in his wolf form, to the cabin I was living in. I healed him enough so he could shift to human.” Jon explained how when they were injured, they couldn’t shift from one form to another. “If it’s minor, we can and the wound vanishes, but if the wound is critical, we can’t shift.”

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know.”

Channing stroked his soapy hand down between Jon’s buttocks, teasing him gently before reaching around to his cock.

Jon sucked in a breath then held it. He felt as if he’d been waiting his whole life for this moment. He’d had hundreds of human lovers but none of them excited him the way Channing did. Jon hadn’t even realized how desperately he’d wanted a mate until he had one. Despite the overwhelming urge to turn and claim him now, Jon clung to his humanity. He wanted to claim Channing gently. To show him without words how grateful he was to have him in his life. No matter what happened from this point on, Jon wanted them to move forward together.

After a thorough tease, Channing rinsed Jon off.

“Are you okay?” Channing asked, his breath warm against Jon’s water-cooled skin.

“I’m okay.” Jon gasped. “Why do you ask?”

“You stopped breathing.”

“Yeah.” Jon took a breath then laughed. “Never felt anything as good as your hand around my cock.”

“No?” Channing asked, his voice coy.

“No.”

“What about this?”

Before Jon realized his intent, Channing dropped to his knees before him, rinsed the soap from his cock then drew the tip into his mouth. He’d never been so wrong. The best thing he’d ever felt so far was his mate’s mouth wrapped around his cock. And if he didn’t get him to stop, the night would be over before it even began.