Christian
Christian sat frozen in the passenger seat, trying not to move. He’d touched her by accident, and it had flared up all that old desire again. But she’d just been telling him it was a mistake for them to feel what they felt. Like, half a minute ago.
And what was the first thing that happened when he accidentally brushed her hand? Fuckin’ half-mast boner. Shit.
He adjusted his legs, hoping his t-shirt would cover it. He didn’t want to draw her attention to it. She was suffering enough. She didn’t need him putting all his bullshit on her. Like some sex-crazed teenager.
This whole wolf thing must have multiplied his sex drive. All it took was one touch from Ellie’s hand, and he was practically panting to get across the seat to her.
The protective instinct didn’t help, either. He hadn’t thought about the phone thing. It had just happened. No one talked to Ellie like that.
She was too good for that.
Few people would have helped a guy like him in the first place, and even fewer would have offered to drive him, just to protect other people on the roads. Damn, she was one of a kind. No wonder Donny had loved her.
Heat blossomed in his chest and he bit down on his lip, turning his head to keep from saying anything else stupid. He’d done and said enough stupid crap already.
“I’ll get you a new phone,” he finally said, after a few minutes of silence.
“I really don’t care about the phone.” She sighed. “I’ll need to use your phone to check my messages at the office. I need to check in on Mrs. Tillen and her dog. Otherwise, I’ll just…” Her lips went tight, and his chest went with it.
It was a big deal. She needed her phone. She was a vet. Dammit.
He couldn’t even protect her the right way. He was a jackass.
“I’m gonna get you a new phone before you go back to Durant. Don’t argue.” He pressed his knuckles into the rubber at the edge of the window, wishing he’d thought before he acted. “It’s the least I can do.”
And she didn’t argue, which shocked him more than it should have. He was used to people who just talked back at all times. That was life with a fourteen-year-old baby sister and him not knowing how to be a parent. Molly talked back like no one’s business. But damn if he didn’t miss her rebellious little face.
His breath caught hard, and he had to swallow, trying to free it back up. Shit.
Christian had no idea what he was going to do about Kate… he’d been sent to Durant alone, while the other Quades stayed at the VonBrandt summit in Somewhere, Texas. He’d had one objective.
Get Kate.
Without Kate, he didn’t know what would happen. He didn’t know if they’d even let him back on the Quade ranch. But if he had to, he’d shift and tear all their throats out to get to his girl.
He’d do anything for Molly.
“I’m sorry about that,” she said in a low voice.
Christian glanced over at her, and she had her eyes on his crotch. The stupid self-conscious dick of his chose that moment to get even harder. Like he needed that.
“You don’t have to apologize.” He crossed his hands over it, but the pressure of his fingers on the tip made him want to take the stupid thing in his hand. All his impulses were bad. “You didn’t do anything.”
“No, but since we have that Fate connection, it means that when you touch me, you’re probably going to get one of those.” She said it so matter-of-factly, like it was a medical thing. “As strong as ours is.”
“So… we just don’t touch.” He tried for just as much apathy as she had in her voice, but he heard the crack at the end of that sentence. Because, dammit, all he wanted was for her to touch him.
But it really was a bad idea. He was going to have to offer himself up on the sacrificial sex altar when they got back to the Quades. Sure, Kate might be out of the picture, but given how crazy Phillip was, he probably had someone in mind already to replace Kate.
Gretchen hadn’t been bad-looking. And that mousy one. Helena. Of course… None of them would ever hold a candle to Ellie. He allowed himself a glance at her. All her soft, chocolate brown hair hanging down around her face. Those kissable lips. She was… something else.
“We probably shouldn’t.” Ellie nodded, and it took him a second to remember that she was agreeing to the fact that he shouldn’t touch her.
But he wanted to.
Hell, it was just about the only thing he could think about.
“When will it go away?” he asked, shifting his hands so he wasn’t touching his actual erection. His blood was pumping so fast, he couldn’t trust that just the friction of his hands and the jeans wouldn’t make him come right there, sitting beside her, smelling her.
Her laugh was quiet. “Go away?”
“Yeah. When can I—” When can I touch you again? He shook his head. “When is it safe?”
Ellie licked her lips, like she was trying to buy time before answering. “It’s not going to be safe, Christian.”
“What?”
“It’ll never be safe for us to be around each other.”
“So… the whole time?”
“The. Whole. Time.” Ellie shook her head on each syllable. “That’s how Fate works. She uses that kind of biological urge, so you’ll just jump my bones.”
He coughed hard when those words came out of her mouth. It was like she was reading his mind.
“She makes you want me enough that it’ll over-ride your logic, eventually,” she continued. “She’ll just keep making it worse until we give in.”
There was nowhere to go from there, because even having this conversation with her was making him painfully hard. She didn’t even have to touch him now. Just talk about him jumping her bones. Or about biological urges.
Or, hell, drinking a beer. Or eating pizza.
At this point, probably everything Ellie said or did would make him want to touch her. Hold her. Protect her.
From the backseat, Dodger whined and Ellie reached her hand back to brush the dog’s head. It was so easy, so unconscious. It struck Christian. It would be easy with Ellie. Touching her. Letting her touch him. She was affectionate. Maybe that was part of what attracted him to her. She seemed like she would be an easy woman to be with. Like falling into a black hole.
One little tip, and gravity would handle the rest.
“I should have grabbed some water for Dodger,” she said, resting her hand on the back of the seat, like she was thinking of ruffling her dog’s fur again. “He gets pretty thirsty after a few hours.”
“I used to keep a couple of bottles and an empty bowl in my truck when we had a dog,” he said, easily, like he hadn’t just talked about his life with Molly. Something he promised himself he wouldn’t do.
Her smile was immediate. “What kind of dog did you have?”
“Mutt,” he said, turning back to the window. Molly had loved that dog. It had been Christian’s first. When it had been just him and Mom and Dad. The dog had been a runaway, and it had just seemed right to keep him. His name had even been Mutt.
The burning in his chest was back, like there was something out of control about to burn him up, and he couldn’t quite stave it off. With a long breath, he made himself turn away from her.
He hated being cooped up with a woman like this.
“When did he die?” she asked, sadness lining her tone like a warm, fleece shirt on a cold mountain morning.
Burn. Up his throat. Swallow down. “Seven years ago,” he choked out, steeling himself against the emotion. He didn’t need to get vulnerable in front of Ellie.
“It’s hard to lose a pet.”
“It was harder on…” He swallowed his sister’s name.
“Molly?”
Christian shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about her.”
“I guessed that much. But it’s a pretty long drive to El Paso, and there’s only so much airtime we can give to talking about your boners.”
A laugh pushed itself up his throat, and he barked it out, letting himself enjoy it. Somehow, joking about the boners made it easier between them.
He had already done enough. He didn’t need to add the fact that he was trying to hit on a grieving widow. That was the nail in the douche coffin, right there.
“I get that it’s hard for you to talk about Molly,” she said, gentling her tone. “You’re not as badass as you want to think, y’know. It’s clear she means a lot to you.”
“She’s my little sister,” he blurted out, then inwardly cursed himself. He’d been planning to keep quiet about her. She was his last solace. He couldn’t even think about what it meant that they weren’t together right now. That she was in El Paso with the Quades. The only thing that gave him any calm at all was that they couldn’t turn her. She was a girl. Apparently, the spell to make wolves only worked on men.
She’d be safe that way, at least.
“What happened to her?” Ellie asked, and before Christian realized what had happened, she’d grabbed his hand. Heat billowed between them, but so did comfort. Sure, he might have had a massive boner, still—like, fuckin’ Viagra-style—but she rested their hands on the seat between them, and it was the most easy, comforting gesture he’d ever known.
“Ellie, please don’t make me talk about my sister,” he gritted out, trying to keep control over himself. “I just need to get to El Paso.”
She clearly didn’t understand why, but she just gripped his hand and held it, and sat in silence with him, and didn’t push anymore.
Christian practically sighed in relief. If she’d asked him one more time, he wouldn’t have been able to deny her. She seemed perfectly content to sit in silence, just holding his hand. And it was all he wanted to do. It settled his wolf—made him feel like he could do anything. That was a feeling he would’ve bottled, if he could, because he had a suspicion. Tomorrow might be the last time he’d ever feel it.