Q and A with Esther Ahmad

Are you in contact with anyone from back home in Pakistan?

I am not in touch with my family at all, and that breaks my heart. Amiyah often notices other children with their grandparents, and it makes both of us sad to realize she’ll never know her grandparents and the rest of her extended family.

Today we are in touch with John’s family, as well as his pastor, his church community, and many of the people who helped us when we were on the run. These believers continue to face persecution in Pakistan and live under the threat of violence. One of John’s brothers has been beaten, and other Christians who helped us have been attacked. A piece of our hearts will always be in Pakistan.

How do you handle not being able to communicate with your family, especially your mother and your siblings?

At times it has been really difficult to cope. Even today, it is still painful. When we first arrived in Malaysia, I would wake up every morning while Amiyah was asleep and cry. One day, when John came back early from work, he found me in tears. He asked me why I was crying, and I told him that I was missing my family.

“How long have you been crying?” he asked, putting his arm around me.

I told him that I had spent the last three hours in tears.

“And did your parents come back? Did crying change anything?”

“No.”

“Why spend so long crying every day if you get nothing out of it? Why not spend those hours in prayer for them? Pray for your mother’s faith to grow strong in Christ Jesus, and pray for the power to forgive your father. In this way, you will get peace in your heart and mind.”

Starting the next day, that is exactly what I did. I felt comforted right away. Even now I begin every day praying for my family. That is how I cope.

What do you miss about your homeland, particularly knowing you’ll likely never return?

I miss my family, my Christian friends, and the fellowship we shared. All the people who looked after us while we were on the run became like family to me. They walked the extra mile with us, just as Jesus tells us to do. We have been able to keep in touch with some of them and send them money when we can, as they are still facing persecution.

I miss seeing the beautiful places in Pakistan, such as the northern mountains around Murree and the beautiful valleys of Kalash and Kaghan. I do not miss Pakistani food though—I can cook that pretty well at home! Chapattis, biriyani, and chicken masala are all regular dishes on our table.

Some things about American life still seem strange to us: days when the sun stays behind heavy clouds, times when I am alone at home. The most confusing thing is that even though people here are well and blessed and could go to church without any restrictions, they do not. When I was in Pakistan and I could not go to church, I would daydream about how wonderful it would be to be able to worship with God’s people. I thought that the Christians in the United States would be so happy to be able to go to church whenever they wanted to, but instead they want to go to the beach, watch football, or eat. It makes me a bit sad.

What are the biggest adjustments your family has faced as you are living in an unfamiliar culture?

Being a refugee in the United States has not been a bad experience for us. The government has helped us with jobs and finding work, and our church and local community have played a big part in making our transition easier. We arrived without two of our bags, so John and I had to wear the same clothes for three days. But the pastor of the first church we went to jumped in to help. He and some other people from the church took us shopping and bought us what we needed. Other people from the congregation invited us to eat with them and helped us in so many different ways. Someone even gave us a car! Their generosity was truly remarkable.

When we were in Malaysia, we were surrounded by people from so many different countries, so some parts of American culture are a little familiar to us. One of the challenges we didn’t expect was all the confusing paperwork! Perhaps the biggest adjustment is that John’s work qualifications and experience do not count over here, so he has to start his studies all over again if he wants to get a job in the same profession.

Amiyah has faced a few difficulties with other pupils at school, but she has handled them with courage, love, and prayer. I can see how God is using her already!

In what ways have you been welcomed in your new home?

We have been helped by so many wonderful people in local churches. They have given practical help and support—furniture, clothes, food—and they have invited us to become part of their families. At a point when I was particularly missing my mom, and Amiyah was sad that she does not know her aunties or grandmother, God sent us Lisa, a woman we met at church. Early on she said to me, “Call me Mom” and to Amiyah, “Call me Gran,” and there has not been a day when I have not thanked God for her.

God has gone before us in so many ways and has provided us with such a loving, generous bunch of people. We are eternally grateful for family in the form of our Christian brothers and sisters here.

What misconceptions would you say people have about Muslims?

It’s common for people in the West to assume that all Muslims spread hate and support terrorism. Even though I was prepared to give my life for jihad, I don’t believe that all Muslims feel this way. I was part of a dangerous minority, but in my opinion, there are many good, sensible, and educated Muslims out there who reject the jihad ideology mentioned in the Qur’an.

Do Christians and Muslims worship the same God?

When I was a Muslim, I believed that, yes, Muslims and Christians worship the same God. As a Christian, I no longer believe that. From all my experience—through my study of the Bible and the Qur’an, prayer, and everything that happened to me in Pakistan—I can say that the differences between the God of the Bible and Allah are so vast that they simply cannot be the same God. God is merciful and loving, but Allah has no mercy and no love.

In observing your debates about the Qur’an and the Bible, someone could say that the Bible’s inerrancy could be picked apart the way you challenged the Qur’an. How would you respond to that?

At its core, the Bible is built on truth. It points us to Jesus and invites us to deepen our own relationship with God. The Qur’an is built on confusion. Muslims are not encouraged to wrestle with it or to search for the truth themselves, and it is filled with contradictions. With the story of Jonah, for example, the account of how long he spent in the belly of the big fish varies throughout the Qur’an and the hadith: in some places it says one day, in others it says three, seven, or forty. That is why Muslims are not encouraged to read the Qur’an in their native tongue or question it in any way. I love the way we Christians can engage with and debate about the Bible—it is strong enough to withstand our questions. And searching for truth is exactly what we are encouraged to do. In Luke 11:9, Jesus says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

How does the church in the United States compare to the church in Pakistan?

Churches in the United States are different from churches in Pakistan. Though people in the United States are materially blessed and have more opportunities, many don’t like to go to church. Pastors here are more focused on serving the church community and encouraging more people to attend.

In Pakistan, the Christians struggle. They attend church passionately, desperate for prayer and worship. Some churches receive bomb threats, but they keep on meeting. The pastors are often at the greatest risk.

But we have plenty in common. We all worship, read the Bible, and pray to the same God! He’s big enough to know and care for us all.

What advice do you have for a Christian who wants to share about Christ with a Muslim?

Be a good Christian! As it says in the Gospel of Matthew (5:16), “Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Our greatest role model is the Lord Jesus Christ. He set the example for us to follow, so we should love, serve, and pray for people, just as he did.

It’s important to remember that making disciples is not just a matter of getting people to go to one really great meeting or doing a week of fellowship with them. God can intervene and make himself known to them in a matter of moments, like he did with me, but the journey of learning to follow him takes a long, long time. If we want to share our faith with Muslims, we must be prepared to walk extra miles, to do extra work. Be a positive person in their lives, share your testimony well, and be prepared to be a good friend for as long as it takes. And pray, learning to allow God alone to direct your words and actions.