I have no idea how long I was out for but it was probably only a few seconds. I opened my eyes to utter blackness. Time and space seemed to have frozen to a standstill. I wondered if I had died and if this is what came next. A bright light was supposed to approach now, right? And someone with open arms would welcome me into the afterlife.
But no-one came. Slowly my senses returned and I felt a tremendous weight pressing in on me from all sides, as if I was gripped by a huge industrial vise. I couldn’t move an inch. In sheer panic I tried to shout to María but found that my mouth was stuffed with snow. I struggled to spit it out, managed to shake my head a little from side to side and discovered there was more icy snow pressing tightly against my face.
Buried alive. There was no chasing the thought away. A stark terror gripped me. I was completely submerged in snow and there was no-one to rescue me. Here I would die, all alone beneath this crushing white death.
I wondered why I wasn’t already frozen like a slab of ice. Either I was too numb to feel it or the snow provided some kind of insulation. I tried to still my pounding heart and take stock of the situation.
At least I could breathe, so there must have been some air trapped in the snowfall. How long would that last? I had no idea. With the pressure on my chest it was hard to take deep breaths but I told myself that shallow ones were better anyway. Less oxygen used up.
And María, what about her? If I was to be any use to her I had to put her out of my mind for now. Stay sane and think.
I’d raised my arms and jumped in the air as the avalanche hit me, which meant that my legs were now bent at the knees and my hands were in front of my face. I wriggled my fingers in my sock-covered hands and felt them move against my nose and chin. There was a small gap here where my breath had melted a little snow.
I flexed my fingers, exerted all my remaining strength, and managed to move my right hand several inches. Using the back of the hand I pushed the snow away from my face, compressing it hard and enlarging the air pocket. I forced the icy snow out of my mouth with my tongue and felt a little calmer.
My small victory had tired me. I felt weak, dizzy, ready to faint. The blood was pounding in my ears like a mad drummer, but I knew I had to remain focused and dig myself out. Then a terrifying reality hit me. I had no idea if I was lying up, down or sideways. Even if I managed to worm away enough room to move, I might just dig myself deeper.
There was still water in my mouth from the snow plug. I forced it out through pursed lips and it trickled across my face.
I smiled, grunted out a low laugh, almost choked. The water from my mouth was meandering past my nose and eyelids, onto my forehead. That meant I had to be upside down.
How deep was I? I could be twenty, thirty feet under, or even more. My corpse could lie buried here forever, perfectly preserved under the snow. I shivered uncontrollably, physically weaker than I’d ever been in my life. Again, I had to put all that out of my head if I was to have any hope of getting free before my small pod of air ran out.
I told myself to get it together and tried to straighten my legs and kick. The snow pressed hard against the soles of my feet as I forced them upwards. At the same time I dug with my fingers and enlarged the space in front of my head. My legs had more room now too, and I continued to curl and kick. I worked both arms down to my stomach and began to push the snow away to either side of me, further enlarging the free space.
Gradually the snow-free area around me increased. I kicked, clawed, pushed, pressed; squirmed and contorted my body. Soon I was sweating. Rivulets of warm moisture poured down my face and under my arms. My breath came in gasps, hot and damp. I felt utterly exhausted, every little remnant of energy used up, spent.
At last I had enough room to turn around in. I bent my body like a knife blade and got it the right way, my head up and feet down. First goal achieved. Now I had to get to the surface, however far above me it might be. Then get to María. It was either that or both of us die.
I reached up above my head and started to pull down loose snow, using my sock-covered hands like tiny excavator buckets. When the snow worked its way down to my feet I stamped on it, creating a hard, secure base to stand on. As more snow became compressed, my base grew higher.
Slowly I tunnelled upwards through a narrow shaft barely wider than my body. My arms ached and several times I stopped and stood still, told myself I could go no further. Then an image of María’s face seared my mind and I started shuffling the snow down to my shoes again. By now my feet were completely numb and I soon lost all feeling below my knees. Every few minutes I took a little snow into my mouth, melted it and let it trickle out and down my chin, making sure that I was still working directly upwards and hadn’t veered off at a sideways angle.
I gouged the snow above me, hands and arms now numb as well, praying for a glimmer of moonlight to appear. There was only jet black darkness. My body cried out for rest and sleep. I tried to switch my mind off completely, become a digging machine, one that would keep going until the parts finally broke down, once and for all.
Keep moving, keep digging.
Slowly the minutes turned into . . . an hour? Two hours? I lost all track of time. I groped my way up through hell’s ice tunnel, my throat raw, my lungs burning, sick of the smell of snow in my nostrils.
And then my fuddled mind became aware of the change. The snow above me was dark gray, not pitch black. New energy surged up in me from somewhere unknown and I raised both arms, punched the ceiling like a madman, and a shower of snow rained down on my head, blinding my eyes. I wiped them clear and looked up.
I could see stars. A million of them, twinkling like tiny sparks of hope in a velvety, navy blue sky. I had never seen anything so wonderful.
And air; clean, fresh, unlimited. As much as I could ever want. I filled my lungs with it, over and over again. I had almost forgotten how good it felt.
I crawled out of my hole and sprawled face down on the surface. Uncontrollable, crazy laughter spilled out from deep inside me and I felt like howling at the moon. I was alive, I was free. Finally I could enjoy the rest I’d yearned for so long.
But what about María?