Chapter Four

‘I think I’m going to throttle her before tomorrow,’ I gasp at Joe as I slam the bedroom door behind me.

‘What now?’

‘She just questioned my choice of sun block for Lucy, said it might be better for her to get a bit of colour on her pasty white British skin. Is she for real?’

‘I’m afraid she is.’ Joe sighs and attempts to knot a dark blue tie. I walk over and help him. ‘She’s been saying such crazy things since I was a kid.’

‘Wedding tomorrow.’ I smile. ‘I just keep saying it over and over in my head like a mantra.’

‘I’m sorry she’s here, Leanna. My mother would stress out a bloody saint.’

‘Ha,’ I finish fastening his tie and run my hands down his shoulders. ‘Don’t worry about it. She’s already said I won’t be seeing her again once she gets back to America because, what was it? Oh yes, she hates Britain and I’m too poor and unstylish to ever make it out to Las Vegas.’

‘She’ll be gone soon,’ he says, kissing me gently, ‘then we can relax.’

I nod and smile. ‘Anyway, forget her. How are you doing? Ready for the big interview?’

‘In your words, I’m ready as I’ll ever be. Damn, I hope I remember how to do all this. It’s a long time since I’ve had to charm someone who wasn’t you or a gorgeous year-old baby.’

‘You’ll be fine, love.’ I wipe some imaginary dirt from his shoulders. ‘I am so confident in you and your charm. You’ll blow him away.’

‘Well, I just keep thinking he did invite me especially to apply for the job, so that’s got to be encouraging.’

‘Exactly. Damn, you look so hot in this suit. I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off you tomorrow.’

‘I can’t wait to see you in your wedding dress and then to get you out of it.’

He smirks and catches me round the waist.

‘Perv.’ I laugh.

‘That’s why you’re marrying me.’ He kisses me, taking my breath away.

‘One of the many reasons.’ I gasp. ‘Anyway, come on, you need to get going and I don’t want to leave my daughter with your mum alone for another minute.’

‘Go on.’ He sighs. ‘I can wait till tomorrow. You’re really going to get it tomorrow night, though, Leanna. I hope you’re ready for being fucked like a married woman.’

‘I can’t wait.’ I gulp back the rising passion inside me. ‘I really can’t wait.’

I reluctantly leave the bedroom and head downstairs once more. I walk into the living room and neither Joe’s mum nor her granddaughter are in there. I hear running water and walk into the kitchen to find Beverly running my daughter’s arms under the tap.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ I snap.

‘Oh, Leanna, I was just washing off some of that sun lotion gunk. It was making Lucy’s skin look all shiny.’

‘What? Give Lucy to me.’

‘I’ve not finished … ’

‘I don’t bloody care.’ I snatch Lucy from her arms and carry her over to the rack of tea towels. I use one to dry her off. She giggles.

‘Now we’ll have to put some more lotion on, won’t we?’ I smile at her. ‘Don’t want you getting burned out there.’

‘All that greasy stuff is going to ruin her complexion.’

‘Oh, shut up, Beverly. She’s a baby, her skin needs protecting.’

‘Don’t talk to me like that, you silly young girl. You and my son don’t know how to be parents.’

‘I know exactly how to take care of my baby! And Joe is an amazing father to Lucy,’ I snap.

‘He’s not her real dad, though.’

‘Says who? He feeds her, cleans her, loves her and that makes him a real dad in my book.’

Joe’s mum shrugs dismissively.

‘Well, you have no room to talk!’ I’m in full flow now and no one is going to stop me. ‘You’ve well and truly screwed your son up.’

‘Ha.’ She looks down her nose at me. ‘No, darling, he did that all himself.’

‘No, no, you selfish cow, you did it. You ignored him, you passed him from pillar to post and all you succeeded in doing was teaching him money was more important than love. It’s taken him a long time to find out you were wrong.’

‘Oh, you idiot, of course I am not wrong. Money makes the world go round.’

‘No, Mom.’ Joe walks in and smiles at me. No, it doesn’t.’

‘Pfft, I always knew you were stupid.’

And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. What decorum I had went out of the window.

‘Hold her.’ I thrust Lucy into Joe’s arms. ‘And cover her ears.’

‘Leanna, don’t …’

I don’t listen to another word.

‘Right, that’s bloody it now. You’ve insulted me, you’ve insulted my daughter and my husband-to-be. No one does that. You are stupid Beverly, you are so fucking stupid that you just don’t know when to shut that huge, flapping trap of yours. You are lonely, you are bitter, and you are completely incapable of civil interaction. I pity you, you wicked witch, because after tomorrow you will never see your son or your granddaughter again. You’ll grow even older, the wrinkles of bitterness will be etched on your brow and you will die alone, completely alone. Your stupid money won’t care for you in your old age, wipe your chin when you dribble or comfort you when you realise the futility of your last days on earth. You will know then on your deathbed that you were wrong and you’ll wish you’d treated us better.’

For a moment we are all silent and then her hand whips out and connects with my cheek.

‘Don’t you dare.’ Joe darts out a hand and stills his mother’s. In doing so he knocks the dining table and Lucy’s blackcurrant juice spills everywhere.

‘Oh no!’ I gasp. ‘Your trousers.’

‘Damn it, damn it,’ Joe mutters. I grab a wet cloth and try to dab the strain away while Joe grabs tea towels to clear up the mess on the table.

‘It’s not coming out; I’m going to have to soak them.’

‘Great.’ Joe thrusts Lucy into my arms. ‘Brilliant. I’m going to have to go to my interview looking like a tramp.’ He strips off his trousers and passes them to me.

‘Thank you once again, Mother, for ruining my life. You’re a selfish old thing and I do not want to see you here in my house when I get home.’

Beverly starts to speak but barely gets a syllable out before Joe interrupts.

‘No, I don’t care where you go. You will get out of my house and my life and I will never see you ever, ever again. My family and I will live a happy, fulfilled life without you. Now I’m going to get some clean, mis-matched trousers so I can get to my interview. Just because you’re trying your damnedest to make my life a living hell I’m doing all I can to make it work. And I need to get a job to support my gorgeous wife-to-be and my Lucy. Goodbye, Mother.’

I sit Lucy down in her high chair and gave her some rice cakes to keep her occupied while I fill the sink and place his trousers in the cold water to soak.

‘You heard him,’ I say, my back turned to Beverly, ‘you better get your things together and go.’ My voice is cold and level. I’m worried about Joe. I think that a boss will see past something as simple as a not quite matching suit but I am no authority in such matters. I’ve never heard Joe so angry before. I want to go after him, to soothe him but I know that wouldn’t be wise. I’m lost in my own thoughts and worries, the least of which turns out to be the stubborn blackcurrant stain in part of the wedding suit when I hear sobbing from behind me.

It’s not Lucy. I look round and Beverly has her hands up to her face and she’s crying. Really crying. I sigh, shake my head and put the kettle on. I’m so British, it’s untrue.

‘Go, sit in the living room, Beverly, I’ll bring you a cup of tea.’

She doesn’t move. She cries all the harder.

‘You brought this on yourself,’ I continue, determined not to crumble even though I hate to see a person so upset. Even a person who just accused me and my husband-to-be of being terrible parents. The phone rings, so I pick up Lucy and rush to answer it. I’m not leaving her alone in the same room with that woman, especially when she’s sobbing fit to burst.

‘Hiya, love. Are you all right? It’s ten and I thought you were coming over for ten.’

‘Oh Mum, I’m sorry, we’re running a bit behind. We’ve had a bit of a situation and now Joe’s suit pants are soaking in the sink, he’s wearing mis-matched trousers and my future mother-in-law is sobbing her eyes out in my kitchen.’

‘Oh, right. I’ll be round in ten minutes. I’ll take Lucy. You sort out the in-law.’

‘Thanks, Mum.’

I thank God once more for a mother who knows instinctively what’s the best thing to do. I rub a little more sun cream on to Lucy and put her sun hat on. I sit her down in front of the telly and some brightly coloured cartoon that captures her attention and go to check on Beverly. She’s still sobbing.

I put a hand on her arm and manoeuvre her over to the table. I pour out the drinks, wondering if I should crack open the brandy. I sure could do with a shot in my tea but it’s not even lunch time so I decide against it. I put the brew in front of my sniffling in-law and race through the house to open the front door when the doorbell rings.

‘Oh Mum, I love you,’ I blurt when I open the door.

‘I love you too, you daft sod.’ She laughs and accepts my hug. ‘Now, let me take our Luce and you can sort out the sobbing woman. I’m not good with tears.’

‘Joe threw her out,’ I explain as I pack Lucy’s baby bag with the many essentials a toddler needs. ‘I don’t think she has anywhere to go. I think that might be why she’s hysterical right now.’

‘She can stay with me,’ Mum says, ‘if you get her to stop blubbing. I can’t do with grown women crying. I have the spare room.’

‘Are you sure, Mum?’

‘Positive, you sort things out with her now, all right. Ring me when you’ve worked out what’s happening.’

‘Thanks, Mum.’ I manage to smile. ‘Thanks so much.’

I kiss Lucy and Mum at the door then reluctantly move back to the wreck of a woman in my kitchen. She’s not touched her drink and her head is in her hands. I walk over to the table and sit down. I sip my hot brew and take a deep breath.

‘Beverly, my mum has offered you a room at her house for tonight, so you’ll have somewhere to stay.’

‘I don‘t care about that,’ she snaps and the sympathy I’d been building up dissipated.

‘Oh, right. Well then, you can go pack your bags and just go.’

She sobs again.

‘Look, Beverly, you’ve got to live with the consequences of your actions. You can’t expect your son to put up with you being such a bitch to him and us, his family.’

‘I’ve always tried to do my best.’ She looks up at me, her eyes rimmed red and watery with tears. ‘But it’s never been good enough for him.’

‘Look, please don’t try and turn this around and blame Joe. Please, you’ve got to be above that. Joe’s a good man, a really good man. It’s just a pity you’ve never been able to see that.’

‘But Leanna, I know that. He’s the best. I’ve always been proud of him.’

‘Pardon?’ I can’t believe what I’m hearing. The poor woman’s delusional. ‘You’ve done nothing but put him down since you arrived and I hear that’s nothing new. Joe doesn’t think you’ve ever been proud of him.’

‘I always have been, always.’ She sobs again and I pass her a tissue from the box on the sideboard.

‘I’m sorry, Beverly, but you have a funny way of showing it.’

‘I know, I screwed up. I am screwed up. I don’t know how to look after kids. Look at the mess I made of bringing up my own. I’m useless, I really am. I’m a waste of space. That’s why I always pushed him. I pushed him away to protect him.’

‘Beverly, he’s your son.’

‘And I’m a screw-up. I can’t do anything right. I don’t know how to love. I pushed him away for his own good.’

‘Now that’s screwed up.’ I sigh.

‘Tell me about it.’ She laughs, bitterly. ‘But it’s worked. I know he’s between jobs right now but he’s a successful businessman and he’s marrying a lovely young lady and starting a family. He’s got it all. So it’s worked. I should have stayed away, I should have, but I just wanted to see him on the happiest day of his life. I wanted to be part of it even if   even though I’m incapable of making him happy myself.’

‘Oh, Beverly.’ I could feel tears in my own eyes, so touched was I by her sadness. ‘It’s no good cutting off your nose to spite your face.’

‘Pardon?’ She looks confused.

‘It’s a British saying. It means that it’s no point doing something stupid just to prove your point. By pushing Joe away you’ve proved you’re a bad mum, but if you’d tried to nurture him, to pull him close you would have proved to him that you’re a good mum.

‘No, I’d have screwed him up if I’d have done that. I don’t know how to do it. Look at how many husbands and boyfriends I’ve had. If I knew how to love, would I keep skipping from one lover to the next?’

‘Love isn’t that simple. Joe loves you, you’re his mum. He’ll always love you. Every time you reject his affection you make him feel terrible inside. Now, if you love him and tell him so and show him so even when you make a mistake, because we all make mistakes, he’ll know that you love him and he’ll forgive you because of that. ‘

‘Really?’ she asks, a light in her eyes. ‘Do you think he can forgive me now?’

‘I can’t say.’ I shake my head. ‘He’s had a lifetime of distrusting you, of feeling abandoned by you. I don’t know how easy it is to fix that but I think if you told him what you’ve told me, it could be the start of mending your relationship.’

‘I’d like that.’ Beverly sips from the cup of tea before her. ‘I am getting old and I am lonely. I don’t want to die knowing my son hates me.’

‘Oh, he doesn’t hate you and I’m sorry I said those nasty things to you. I was out of line.’

‘No, no, no, I’m sorry. I’ve been a complete bitch to you and you’ve been so kind to me. I pushed you too far and it was all true, what you said, all of it. I’ve got to apologise, not you.’

‘Well, I think we got off on the wrong foot. Maybe we should try this again, start afresh, yeah?’ I think I’ve just discovered that my soon-to-be mother-in-law is actually human.

‘Yes, I’d like that. God, I’ve been such a fool, I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to deal with people. I’ve known a lot of hurt in my life so I tend to attack first to protect from being attacked. Stupid, really.’

‘Well, it’s definitely not a good way to win friends and influence people.’ I giggle gently.

‘No, you’re right there.’ She smiles too. The first genuine smile I’ve seen since she arrived in my life.

‘What about Joe?’

‘Well, I think it might be wise to take my mum up on her offer. You can stay there and I’ll talk to Joe.’

‘OK, I should pack my things. Do you think he’ll let me come to the wedding tomorrow?’

‘I’ll do my best to convince him it’d be a good idea, OK? I can’t promise more.’

‘Thanks, Leanna. My son has picked a good wife.’

‘And I’ve picked a good husband in your son.’ I sniff back a tear. ‘Now shush or I’m going to start crying.’

‘I’m sorry I’ve been so horrid. It was ridiculous jealousy, really. You are a brilliant mum, have a man who is completely dedicated to you and the most gorgeous little daughter in all the world, and I … Well, yes, we know all about my fuck-ups now.’

‘Well, you have an amazing son, and it’s your genes that made him that way. And you’ve got a family now. Lucy is your granddaughter   well, she soon will be, sort of.’ I wink and she smiles. ‘And we can move forward now, try and fix things up a bit.’

‘Thanks, Leanna.’

So I take Beverly over to Mum’s, we explain the whole story and I leave the two of them gabbing happily together, my little girl playing on the floor between them. On my way home, I grab my phone and dial Joe. He doesn’t answer. I check my messages and find one from him.

Leanna, you’d be better off without me. I don’t think I got the job. I don’t think you should marry me. I don’t deserve you. I’m not coming home tonight, any night. I’m sorry.

The tears prick my eyes as I dial and ring again. I leave him a voice message.

‘Joe, Joe, please talk to me. I love you, I love you so much and I don’t care if you got the job or not, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re meant to be together. I’m not going to let you do this; no, you’re not going to turn into your mother. I’m coming to find you.’

I know where he’ll be and I head straight for the café we met in. When I reach it I am sure I look a state. I’m sweating, my face red from walking so fast in the hot afternoon sun. My hair is wet and plastered to my head, my lips raw from where I have nibbled them as I walked, worrying over what was going to happen.

‘He just left,’ Kathy, my friend the café owner, says, knowing exactly who I’m searching for. ‘He looked so sad. He went right at the door about two minutes ago.’

‘Thank you, thanks so much.’ I race back outside and jog down the road. I don’t care that I’m hot, sweaty and scaring the public. I don’t care that every breath burns and that my knees are protesting that they don’t do running. I just have to get to Joe. I catch a glimpse of him through the city centre crowd and I push my way through the bodies in front of me, apologising left and right as I go.

‘Joe,’ I try to shout but only a feeble gasp comes out, ‘Joe, wait, please wait.’

‘Joe,’ some beefy bloke with tattoos yells, ‘Joe, would you bloody well wait? This woman’s killing herself getting to you.’

‘I look thankfully at him and he smiles.’

‘Been there myself, love. We do anything for love, don’t we?’

I nod.

‘Joe,’ he yells again, ‘Joe, you better get back here now because this lady  ’ he looks at me again and I whisper my name ‘  because Leanna fucking loves you.’

I’d maybe not have put it like that myself but I’m grateful for his help as he wades through people in front of me, parting them so I can get through.

‘Are you Joe?’

‘Yes,’ a familiar voice says.

‘Good, Leanna wants you.’

My good Samaritan doesn’t even look back but I gasp out my thanks as he walks away.

‘Joe. Oh, thank God, Joe.’

I throw myself into his arms and he crushes me tightly against him.

‘You need a drink, come on.’

He pulls me into some fast food restaurant   I don’t notice which one   and pushes me down into a seat. He comes back a few moments later with a huge cup in his hand. I eagerly gulp down the ice-cold lemonade it contains.

‘Thank you,’ I pant when I get my voice back, ‘I needed that.’

‘What the hell do you think you were doing?’

‘Finding you,’ I reply.

‘You nearly killed yourself in the process.’ He shakes his head at me.

‘Yes, well, you were running away. I couldn’t let you run away.’

‘You silly thing you.’ He sighs. ‘You shouldn’t have come after me.’

‘Joe Moore, don’t you dare spout such bloody nonsense at me. I won’t stand for it. I couldn’t, actually, I’m knackered, but I won’t sit for it either. I am going to flipping well marry you tomorrow and we’re going to have a fantastic day and we’re going to live happily bloody ever after whether you like it or not, right?’

‘I’m not good enough for you, Leanna.’ He lowers his gaze to the table top.

‘I’ll be the judge of that, Joe, and I love you. I love you and I want to marry you and only you and you’re not going to ruin that.’

‘But I can’t provide for you and Lucy. I don’t think I got the job, I really don’t.’

‘We’re coping. Who says you need to provide for me? I’m providing well enough for us right now and I know you’ll get a job soon enough. We’re a partnership. We do what we have to and we’ll do it together, all right? A job is just a job, I don’t care about it.’

‘I do, I don’t want to be a leech like my mother.’

‘You’re not.’ I smile. ‘You’re so not.’

‘Talking about Mother, has she left?’

‘She’s at my mum’s,’ I explain, ‘she’s staying there tonight.’

‘You’ve left her alone with your mother and Lucy?’ He growls. ‘That bitch? How could you?’

‘Just, calm down a moment and listen, OK?’

He nods.

‘Now firstly, I want to confirm that you’re coming home with me and we’re getting married tomorrow.’

‘Yes,’ he replies, ‘I love you and apparently you’re a very stubborn woman.’

‘Right, good, I love you too.’

He reaches out and covers my hand with his.

‘OK, next issue. Your mother just collapsed this morning. She couldn’t stop crying. She was a mess. I talked to her. She’s not the monster we thought she was.’

Joe draws his hand back, like I’ve given him an electric shock or something.

‘Don’t tell me she’s gotten to you, now.’

‘No, Joe, listen. She’s screwed up, she’s really fucking screwed up, but she loves you and she wants to change.’

Joe humphs, his face hardens. I reach out to him and grab his hand.

‘Look, she apologised to me and to Lucy. She admits we make a damn good couple and that she was, in a weird way, jealous of us. We’re a family. You, Lucy, and me are a family and she’s never really known that.’

‘It’s her own fault,’ Joe snaps. ‘She could have had a family. I’m her family   I was her family, anyway.’

‘I know, love. I know and I also know this isn’t going to be easy for you but I think you need to talk to your mum and hear what she has to say for herself.’

‘I can’t, Leanna, I just can’t. She’ll hurt me.’

‘She can’t hurt you any more,’ I whisper, ‘you’ve got me now. Worst she can do is not change your mind. I think you need to talk to her, though, I really do.’

‘Leanna, I’ve wanted a proper mom all my life. I’ve wanted someone to trust, to love. Someone I know will be there for me no matter what. I got stuck with my mother instead. I don’t think anything she could say could change the fact she’s done nothing but push me away for all those years.’

‘Just give her a chance, OK? Do you know why she came over for the wedding?’

‘To cause chaos and break my heart all over again?’ The bitterness on his brow breaks my heart.

‘No, love, no. She wanted to see you happy. She wanted to know that you were OK.’

‘Really?’ He sighs, tears in the corner of his eyes. ‘I don’t think I can believe it.’

‘She does love you, Joe. I’ve seen the evidence of that today. She’s just so screwed up inside she doesn’t know how to show it.’

‘That is probably the understatement of the century. Does she love me, Leanna? I can’t trust her, not now, not yet but I trust you, I trust you implicitly.’

‘Oh, sweetheart. Yes, she loves you, she really does.’ I sigh.

‘If you say so, I’ll give her one more chance.’ He nods hesitantly.

‘Thank you, Joe, thank you.’

‘No, Leanna, thank you.’ He wipes his eyes with the corner of his sleeve and I use a serviette to mop at my tear-stained face.

‘I just have one question.’

‘OK, shoot.’ I sip my drink.

‘Who was that big bloke with the tattoos?’

I laugh, almost spitting out the mouthful of pop.

‘I think he was a passing angel.’ I nod my head. ‘Yeah, I think so.’

‘Wow, I never knew angels were so scary.’

‘He believed in true love. I’ll be forever grateful to him.’

‘So will I.’ Joe smiles. ‘Though I do hope you’ve not invited him to the wedding!’

‘He left before I could.’ I chuckle.

‘Oh, I love you, Leanna. Thanks for chasing after my stupid ass.’

‘Well, as much as I love your arse I was chasing after all of your stupid self, actually.’

‘Thanks.’ He smiles and leans across the table. ‘Thank you so very much.’

The kiss contains everything I ever need to know about love. He is worth running through hell and back for. He’s worth putting up with the worst mother-in-law in the history of mankind for; he’s the man I will do anything for because he loves me and I love him. Simple, really.