'Twas the eve before Christmas, and throughout the land
The evening wasn’t going as Santa had planned.
Though stockings were hung by chimneys with care,
There existed no certainty St. Nick would be there.

The children tossed and turned, restless in their beds,
While visions of the Krampus rampaged through their heads;
For naughtiness had caught them all in its trap,
And the Krampus wanted each one to take a dirt nap.

And out on each lawn there arose such a clatter;
 Humans sprang from their beds to see what was the matter.
Over to their windows, they raced like The Flash,
Tore open the curtains and lifted the sash.

The full moon on the crust of the new-fallen snow
Threw the brightness of daylight on the monsters below.
And what to my horrified eyes did appear?
Elf zombies, snow-demons, and eight gruesome were-deer.

They were lead by the Krampus, which made my heart sick,
For who could save us, perhaps good ol’ St. Nick?
Then, from out of the shadows Santa’s sleigh came,
but were those his were-deer? He called them by name!

"Now, Dasher, don’t bite Dancer! Nor, Prancer and Vixen!
Oh, Comet and Cupid, don’t gouge Donner and Blitzen!
The monsters are coming; the Krampus is feral!
Fly true to the roof; there are humans in peril!"

The terrors crept nearer, evil eyes aglow,
Zombies leaving a trail of gore over the snow.
So, up to the roof the were-deer all flew
With the sleigh full of weapons and St. Nikolaus too.

And then, at that moment, I heard at the door
The moan of a zombie, a demon’s terrible roar.
And just as the monsters beat their way in,
Santa swooped down the chimney with a self-assured grin.

As tall as a Viking and armed with a sword,
He flashed to the doorway and diced up the horde.
The demons attacked, filling me with dread,
But Santa chopped through their wings and lopped off each head.

When he turned, I caught sight of fangs dripping red!
Skin of such pallor found only on the dead!
Jewel-like eyes sparkled with preternatural fire;
I knew in that moment Santa was a vampire!

A stump of demon arm he held tight in his teeth,
Covered in blood from above to beneath.
But his work wasn’t done; he couldn’t retreat.
Santa was left with the Krampus to defeat.

The beast stalked toward me his eyes glowing coals,
Fetid breath when he roared like the blast from a bellows.
A wink of Santa’s eye and nod of his head,
Told me deep in my heart I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, executed a parry.
With Santa defending, Krampus wasn’t so scary.
The beast struck again, but Santa struck faster.
A deep slice across his belly showed Krampus who was Master.

He scurried from the house and out into the night.
Though Santa was a monster, he’d dispelled all my fright.
Sheathing his sword without further delay,
Santa laid out his gifts for us, a stunning array.

In a flash, he crossed the room before me to stand,
Gazed into my eyes and lifted my hand.
“For my trouble might I ask for the tiniest nip?
After all, it IS Christmas; I’ll take only a sip."